same game. Hitting for the hook-up cycle means hooking up with a freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior in the same week in college. Ironically, the closest I ever came was after I had already graduated from Penn, during my first visit back for homecoming. Alas, I fell one junior girl short.
----
Even if it’s only for his own personal gratification, a man takes great pride in how high his “number” is. Which is why, in my running lifetime tally of how many girls I’ve slept with, I’ve begun to include fractions. Like if a girl wants to have sex but I’m just too fucked up and can only infiltrate the outlying regions, that’s two-thirds. If I fuck the mattress for ten minutes by accident, that’s a half. Count it! My buddies will ask, “Hey Karo, did you get laid on vacation?” And I’m like, “Hell yeah, two and an eighth girls!”
When a guy isn’t sure if what he did the previous night should count as getting laid, the next morning he’ll convene a tribunal of his friends to analyze the evidence. Think of it as The Hague of drunken sex. Both sides of the case will be argued and the man in question will be ridiculed incessantly for not sealing the deal beyond a shadow of a doubt. The tribunal is quite forgiving, however, and will generally award a point (or fraction of a point, as the case may be) as long as “yes” is the answer to the question “Was there intent to penetrate?”
THE DOUBLE STANDARD
It is without question that men and women are judged by different standards. If a girl sleeps around, she is called a slut. If a guy sleeps around, he gets a book deal. Even so, women should be cognizant of the double standard and take some measures to protect their reputation. You don’t want to end up like my ex-girlfriend’s best friend. This chick was always growing out the front of her hair and it looked ridiculous. So I gave her a nickname: Bangs. The name worked on two levels because she also fucked everything that moved. Get it? Bangs. I thought it was brilliant. My ex-girlfriend? Not so much.
There are a few surefire ways for a guy to determine whether the girl he’s with gets around. For instance, if I’m hooking up with a girl and, when she takes off her jeans, she takes off her thong at the same time, that’s a big red flag. Listen, even if you’re gonna sleep with me anyway, at least go through the motions of acting like you don’t do this every night. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the enthusiasm—but I’d feel a lot more comfortable if we stuck to the usual two-step process.
----
OBSERVATION
I’ve found that girls who don’t have a lot of female friends tend to be wilder in bed. I believe this is because girls tell their friends all the gritty details the day after they get laid—and their friends (admittedly or not) then pass judgment on them. But girls without female friends are less inhibited about one-night stands because they don’t have to worry about being judged by their peers. These girls answer to a higher authority. Sort of like the Hebrew National of hook-ups.
----
Believe it or not, there are actually certain instances when being labeled a slut can be a positive thing. For instance, let’s say I tell a friend that I just met a girl on line at the grocery store and we totally hit it off. If my friend says, “Dude, I know that girl. She’s a total whore,” I’ll be really disappointed. But if I’m wasted at the bar and I tell my friend I just met a girl on line for the bathroom and we totally hit it off, and my friend tells me she’s a total whore, I’m thrilled.
I love when I run into a slutty girl I haven’t seen in a while, and she introduces me to her new boyfriend. I’m like, “Oh, hey Melissa.” And she says, “Karo, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Jack.” I shake Jack’s hand and tell him it’s nice to meet him, but I also chuckle discreetly and think about whether or not he knows his girlfriend slept
----
Even if it’s only for his own personal gratification, a man takes great pride in how high his “number” is. Which is why, in my running lifetime tally of how many girls I’ve slept with, I’ve begun to include fractions. Like if a girl wants to have sex but I’m just too fucked up and can only infiltrate the outlying regions, that’s two-thirds. If I fuck the mattress for ten minutes by accident, that’s a half. Count it! My buddies will ask, “Hey Karo, did you get laid on vacation?” And I’m like, “Hell yeah, two and an eighth girls!”
When a guy isn’t sure if what he did the previous night should count as getting laid, the next morning he’ll convene a tribunal of his friends to analyze the evidence. Think of it as The Hague of drunken sex. Both sides of the case will be argued and the man in question will be ridiculed incessantly for not sealing the deal beyond a shadow of a doubt. The tribunal is quite forgiving, however, and will generally award a point (or fraction of a point, as the case may be) as long as “yes” is the answer to the question “Was there intent to penetrate?”
THE DOUBLE STANDARD
It is without question that men and women are judged by different standards. If a girl sleeps around, she is called a slut. If a guy sleeps around, he gets a book deal. Even so, women should be cognizant of the double standard and take some measures to protect their reputation. You don’t want to end up like my ex-girlfriend’s best friend. This chick was always growing out the front of her hair and it looked ridiculous. So I gave her a nickname: Bangs. The name worked on two levels because she also fucked everything that moved. Get it? Bangs. I thought it was brilliant. My ex-girlfriend? Not so much.
There are a few surefire ways for a guy to determine whether the girl he’s with gets around. For instance, if I’m hooking up with a girl and, when she takes off her jeans, she takes off her thong at the same time, that’s a big red flag. Listen, even if you’re gonna sleep with me anyway, at least go through the motions of acting like you don’t do this every night. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the enthusiasm—but I’d feel a lot more comfortable if we stuck to the usual two-step process.
----
OBSERVATION
I’ve found that girls who don’t have a lot of female friends tend to be wilder in bed. I believe this is because girls tell their friends all the gritty details the day after they get laid—and their friends (admittedly or not) then pass judgment on them. But girls without female friends are less inhibited about one-night stands because they don’t have to worry about being judged by their peers. These girls answer to a higher authority. Sort of like the Hebrew National of hook-ups.
----
Believe it or not, there are actually certain instances when being labeled a slut can be a positive thing. For instance, let’s say I tell a friend that I just met a girl on line at the grocery store and we totally hit it off. If my friend says, “Dude, I know that girl. She’s a total whore,” I’ll be really disappointed. But if I’m wasted at the bar and I tell my friend I just met a girl on line for the bathroom and we totally hit it off, and my friend tells me she’s a total whore, I’m thrilled.
I love when I run into a slutty girl I haven’t seen in a while, and she introduces me to her new boyfriend. I’m like, “Oh, hey Melissa.” And she says, “Karo, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Jack.” I shake Jack’s hand and tell him it’s nice to meet him, but I also chuckle discreetly and think about whether or not he knows his girlfriend slept
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