The Crooked Beat by Nick Quantrill

situation twice as bad for you.’
     
    Niall went back to work. I spotted Sarah and made my way over to her. I knew what he’d said was right, even if I didn’t want to acknowledge it.
    ‘Where have you been?’ she said.
    I nodded to the front door. We went outside, leaving the noise behind us. Chanterlands Avenue ran parallel to Princes Avenue. The latter was the livelier and more developed. It had reinvented itself with countless bars and restaurants. The street we were on was playing catch-up. None of it was my scene, but I knew you got peaks and troughs in this type of industry. Places and areas came and went in popularity. If Niall offered quality, people would stay loyal. It was the same as in any business. Maybe I’d learned a thing or two from the partnership with Don. There was a bus shelter a little further along. I told her we should sit in there. It’d shut out the noise of the traffic.
    ‘It’s like being teenagers,’ I said as we huddled up close together against the cold night.
    Sarah smiled. ‘I think we’re well past that, Joe.’
    Maybe it was late at night and seeing my brother’s bar doing so well, but I told her I hadn’t felt so low since the end of my rugby days. I was sure it wasn’t jealousy, or anything negative. It was more something that was missing within me.
    ‘You’ve never really told me what happened to you,’ she said.
    Sarah was right. I’d never really spoken about it. I didn’t know where to start, but it felt like the right time. ‘It felt like my life was over just as it was getting started.’ It was difficult finding the right words. ‘I’d worked so hard to get my contract at Rovers, and to have it ripped away from me after only a handful of games, it left me in pieces.’ I smiled. ‘Literally’. Gallows humour.
    ‘What happened?’
    ‘My knee. The guy at St Helens tackled me and made sure his weight came down it. It just collapsed underneath me.’
    ‘Deliberate?’
    I nodded. ‘He was after me right from the kick-off.’ I’d stayed in a Merseyside hospital for a couple of days until I had been able to travel back home. ‘I kicked against it when I was told I’d never play again. I wouldn’t listen to the doctors or their advice. Not even Debbie could sort me out.’
    ‘But she was there for you?’
    ‘She sorted me out eventually. I did the odd shift in my dad’s pub, but I couldn’t take it seriously. I couldn’t knuckle down to things like Niall had. My dad had been right. He’d told me not to put all my eggs into one basket with the rugby, but I hadn’t listened to him. He wanted me to get a proper job.’
    Sarah smiled. ‘It wasn’t for you?’
    ‘I went abroad for a bit, labouring and working on building sites, mainly. It did me good. I got to see a bit of the world and Debbie understood why I needed to do it. I was only away for a few weeks at a time, but I came back with bit more of a clue and eventually sorted myself out.’
    ‘It’s normal to want the best for your kids.’ She laughed. ‘If Lauren doesn’t become a solicitor or an accountant, I’ll be very disappointed.’
    I laughed, too. I knew she didn’t want that, but I got the point.
    ‘All I want is for her to be happy. And I bet that’s all your dad ever wanted for you.’
    ‘He hid it well, then. Niall tried to help us keep things civil, but it was a struggle. I was blaming anyone and everyone for what had happened with the rugby. Niall was there for me when I needed him. He got me through it, really. That’s why I’ve got to help him now.’
    We watched people go by in silence. Sarah eventually spoke. ‘I like your dad’s rugby shirts.’
    ‘They make a nice feature.’
    ‘I wasn’t there when he died.’ It just came out. ‘I was working in Germany. Niall called me to say he’d been taken into hospital, but I couldn’t get back in time. He suffered a brain haemorrhage. The doctors said it was one of those things which could have happened at any