that like it or not, marriage is how a man shows a woman respect in this culture, and that by avoiding men who want marriage, I’ve also been avoiding men who will respect me. I’m afraid I might have to get married at some point.”
Hans and Eric thought about that silently, which made Lisa suspect it might be true.
Jill raised her eyebrows and looked at all of them. “I have firsthand knowledge that marriage doesn’t guarantee respect.”
“No, I know that,” Lisa said. “I just think that it’s possible that while marriage doesn’t guarantee respect, no marriage does in fact guarantee disrespect.”
“Define disrespect,” Eric said.
“Being regarded as just another vagina. Never being introduced to someone’s family. The last guy I dated told me he didn’t even want a girlfriend. He didn’t want romance. It was too intimate and he had just gotten out of a relationship. He didn’t want another relationship. He just wanted a friend he could have sex with. And I went along with it for a few weeks because I wanted sex, too. But unlike him, I wanted to sleep next to someone. And I wanted to wake up the next day and make breakfast together. I’d run into his mom at the grocery store…”
“Ah, so it was a local boy,” Eric said, looking at Hans, trying to figure out who it was.
“… and I’d say hello just like normal and pretend that nothing was going on, and I’d hope that she didn’t know that we were spending time together, because if I wasn’t his girlfriend, what was I? Just his whore friend? I don’t want to be a whore. I want to be respected,” Lisa finished.
“So, it’s a boundary issue,” Jill said.
“Yes,” Lisa agreed.
Eric said, “Yeah, I was having problems dating many years ago and then I figured some things out and have been able to avoid unpleasant situations.”
“True, that.” Hans nodded. “Last October, I was dating this smokin’ hot chick, and I was happy because I was getting laid, but then Eric saved me by telling me about the two critical questions.”
“The two critical questions?” Lisa asked.
“Yeah,” Eric answered. “Does she have hobbies? And does she get along with her dad?”
Hans went on, “Turns out the smokin’ hot chick had never known her dad and she didn’t have any hobbies either.”
“Good thing he figured it out then,” Eric said, “or working out her father issues with Hans would have been her new hobby.”
“No one wants to be another person’s hobby,” Hans said. “Now that is a boundary problem.” He paused and then said, “Tom would say that men’s strengths are physical, and women’s strengths are manipulating relationships, particularly to try to entrap men.”
“Yeah? Well, Tom is an ass,” Lisa said, staring them down.
Still, Jill considered what truth there might be in Eric’s philosophy. She and her father didn’t have a good relationship. After all, he believed she was going to the Terrestrial Kingdom instead of the Celestial Kingdom—a lower level of heaven than he would be in. It was impossible to have a healthy relationship with a dad who didn’t think you were good enough in God’s eyes. And Jill didn’t have hobbies, exactly, but she did have a career. She didn’t think David had ever been her hobby, but had she tried to work out her father issues with him? Maybe so. Unlike her father, though, David thought she was good enough. Or at least he used to.
“If ever there was a case for abstinence,” Lisa said, “Sparkle men are it.”
But at least the men in Sparkle didn’t pretend to be something they weren’t, Jill thought. At least they were direct about the nature of the beast, and women were given every opportunity to enter into entanglement with full disclosure or avoid it altogether. At least they didn’t pretend to be anyone’s husband.
Just then Tom walked in through Lisa’s back door. “Hey, Lisa, how was your date?”
“I was just saying that if ever there was a case
Hans and Eric thought about that silently, which made Lisa suspect it might be true.
Jill raised her eyebrows and looked at all of them. “I have firsthand knowledge that marriage doesn’t guarantee respect.”
“No, I know that,” Lisa said. “I just think that it’s possible that while marriage doesn’t guarantee respect, no marriage does in fact guarantee disrespect.”
“Define disrespect,” Eric said.
“Being regarded as just another vagina. Never being introduced to someone’s family. The last guy I dated told me he didn’t even want a girlfriend. He didn’t want romance. It was too intimate and he had just gotten out of a relationship. He didn’t want another relationship. He just wanted a friend he could have sex with. And I went along with it for a few weeks because I wanted sex, too. But unlike him, I wanted to sleep next to someone. And I wanted to wake up the next day and make breakfast together. I’d run into his mom at the grocery store…”
“Ah, so it was a local boy,” Eric said, looking at Hans, trying to figure out who it was.
“… and I’d say hello just like normal and pretend that nothing was going on, and I’d hope that she didn’t know that we were spending time together, because if I wasn’t his girlfriend, what was I? Just his whore friend? I don’t want to be a whore. I want to be respected,” Lisa finished.
“So, it’s a boundary issue,” Jill said.
“Yes,” Lisa agreed.
Eric said, “Yeah, I was having problems dating many years ago and then I figured some things out and have been able to avoid unpleasant situations.”
“True, that.” Hans nodded. “Last October, I was dating this smokin’ hot chick, and I was happy because I was getting laid, but then Eric saved me by telling me about the two critical questions.”
“The two critical questions?” Lisa asked.
“Yeah,” Eric answered. “Does she have hobbies? And does she get along with her dad?”
Hans went on, “Turns out the smokin’ hot chick had never known her dad and she didn’t have any hobbies either.”
“Good thing he figured it out then,” Eric said, “or working out her father issues with Hans would have been her new hobby.”
“No one wants to be another person’s hobby,” Hans said. “Now that is a boundary problem.” He paused and then said, “Tom would say that men’s strengths are physical, and women’s strengths are manipulating relationships, particularly to try to entrap men.”
“Yeah? Well, Tom is an ass,” Lisa said, staring them down.
Still, Jill considered what truth there might be in Eric’s philosophy. She and her father didn’t have a good relationship. After all, he believed she was going to the Terrestrial Kingdom instead of the Celestial Kingdom—a lower level of heaven than he would be in. It was impossible to have a healthy relationship with a dad who didn’t think you were good enough in God’s eyes. And Jill didn’t have hobbies, exactly, but she did have a career. She didn’t think David had ever been her hobby, but had she tried to work out her father issues with him? Maybe so. Unlike her father, though, David thought she was good enough. Or at least he used to.
“If ever there was a case for abstinence,” Lisa said, “Sparkle men are it.”
But at least the men in Sparkle didn’t pretend to be something they weren’t, Jill thought. At least they were direct about the nature of the beast, and women were given every opportunity to enter into entanglement with full disclosure or avoid it altogether. At least they didn’t pretend to be anyone’s husband.
Just then Tom walked in through Lisa’s back door. “Hey, Lisa, how was your date?”
“I was just saying that if ever there was a case
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