Honor Thy Teacher by Teresa Mummert

own good Emma.” I wanted her, for once in her life, to think about her own safety. She stopped, not stepping any closer. Her eyes looked through me as she searched for any truth in my words. Without saying another word she turned and made her way to the bathroom. Her steps faster than I would have liked. She was sad. I wanted to run to her, to hold her. I didn’t .
     
    Instead, I went to my room and got dressed. When I returned the air was thick with regret. When Emma exited the bathroom, she was wearing her clubbing clothes. I knew she had finally understood. I had finally been able to push her away.
     
    We didn’t speak. I grabbed my keys and she followed behind me to my car. I opened the door and watched her slide inside. She winced as her bottom touched the seat and angled herself away from me.
     
    “Emma” I sighed.
     
    “Don’t” she cut me off. I couldn’t blame her. I didn’t try to talk to her again. It was sick of me to constantly push her away only to pull her back for my own selfish needs.
     
    The trip to the grocery store where her car was parked seemed especially short. The instant I put the car in park she opened her door and slammed it behind her. I didn’t deserve anything more. I knew that.
     
    “Emma” I called after her, trying to convince myself that I had to make sure she was okay. She ignored me, digging through her purse for her keys. The bag fell from her grasp, spilling its contents all over the ground. “Shit, Emma” I got out and rushed to her side, helping her collect her things. “I’m just trying to protect you.” I was growing frustrated with her. Why couldn’t she just fucking understand I am trying to protect her? Tears began to roll down her face. Fuck. I wip ed her tears away with the back of my hand. I let my thumb slip across her lower lip. God, she was so fuckable even when she was sad.
     
    “By hurting me?” She asked, her chin trembling.
     
    “I didn’t mean to hurt you. You didn’t use the safe word.” I regretted the words as they left my mouth. Had I really just blamed her? She didn’t know any better. I should have been more cautious. “You deserve better.” It was the most honest thing I have said to her.
     
    “What about the note? What if someone comes looking for me?” I wasn’t a stranger to woman trying to manipulate me and I knew that was exactly what she was trying to do. I also knew she was right. Someone could come looking for her. I wouldn’t let that happen.
     
    “I will take care of that today.” I hoped she knew I meant it. She would always be safe as long as she stayed away from me. She didn’t respond. Maybe she did understand. She got in her car and drove off. I waited, thinking about how I would make all of this right.
     

 
    Chapter Twenty- Two
     
     
     
    I drove back to my house feeling empty. Every second I spent without her felt like an eternity. I hated how weak and out of control I have become. I was risking myself, doing things without hesitation or planning. Like what I did to Jeff. As much as I wanted to make myself feel guilty, I couldn’t . The emotion just wouldn’t come. I told myself I was protecting her. No one was protecting her from me.
     
    As soon as I got home, I stripped off my clothes and ran through a cold shower. I let the water wash over me as if it could wash away my sins. The ocean didn’t even hold enough water for that. I washed myself as if it could, scrubbing harder than necessary until my skin burned like fire against the soap. It still wasn’t enough. The pain paled in comparison to the pain I had caused her. To the pain I would cause her. I let my hand lower, stroking myself at the thought of her. She was so innocent, so trusting. I never gave her a reason to trust me, but she did. I squeezed tighter, allowing a twinge of pleasure to ripple through my body before stopping myself. I didn’t deserve any kind of release. I cocked back my fist and stuck the wall allowing myself,