“Henry!” breathing in deep, another wave of pain tore
at me.
“Emergency services ….” I gasped. I need help and now. “Henry
confirm order!”
“Order confirmed paramedics in route…order issued for
potential miscarriage. Blood loss substantial. I’ve also sent your blood
pressure readings. Doors have been unlocked as all security measure lowered for
their arrival.”
Crying on the floor, I heard Brady scream to Charlie asking
where I was.
Brady ran into the bathroom…
“Oh Jesus” he lowered down to me… “Just breathe through
it...I saw the alarms going off.”
“Oh dear lord…what’s happening…where’s all the blood coming
from?” Charlie ran into the bathroom, eyes wide and in shock.
“ME” my voice shaky.
“The baby…it’s the baby isn’t it?” Charlie ran over
kneeling to the side of me.
I couldn’t answer him…this was too surreal…I was going to
lose her…I knew it. My hands and sight fell to my belly and one more on the
blood that covered my legs, the floor and my robe.
“Paramedics pulling in driveway,” Henry announced
“Charlie, I’m going to get them and bring them in. Keep her
talking…she’s going into shock!”
“I love you Lilly…remember that. You’ll be ok.” he offered,
his tone low and shaken.
The more he spoke, the more his words became barely audible. My eyes focused on all the blood and the pain
that was coursing through, was now numb.
“MY feet are numb.” I blankly stared
“Look at me Lilly!” He force my head in his direction but
my tears seamed to blur his face.
He said nothing and shook his head slow.
“I’m left with nothing Charlie….nothing”
“No…you have me…I love you Lilly. You hear me…I love you
and I’m not going anywhere…” he spoke thru what looked like his own tears.”
The paramedics made their way with their gurney. It was all
too much as Charlie raised my body and placed me in the gurney.
The oxygen mask was on my face and before I realized it, I
was now in an ambulance.
Paralyzed in fear and knowledge; I understood, I knew I was
losing the baby.
It was all such a quick blur. The exam; then the inevitable
D&C as they called it for short.
Waking in the recovery room, I felt numb. Charlie, ever
present, just staring out the window. I suppose he didn’t notice me wake up.
Looking at him it was clear he had done his share of crying. Shifting my gaze,
I saw Sebastian?
He was seated in the chair by Charlie; bent over holding
his head.
“You should take a walk Charlie…clean yourself up; she’s
going to need you to be strong for her. Seeing you look like shit, won’t help
her.” Sebastian spoke to him, yet held his face towards the floor.
“How do I help her? How do I make this ok? This is my
fault…I got her pregnant and now she’s lost the baby…how in the world do I
begin to make this ok?” without looking to me he walked from the room visibly
upset.
“I don’t know brother,” Sebastian whispered.
It was just Sebastian and me.
“Why are you here?” I whispered.
His head shot up and his expression lost. I watched as he
rose to his feet and walked to my bedside.
“Why are you here?” I repeated
“Because I care…I’ve always cared Lillian”, he looked down
to me and grazed my cheek.
“You tried to take my baby.” I shook my head.
He reached for my hand. “I’m so sorry for your loss Lilly…truly.”
The tears again fell on their own accord…my baby; the one I
only just got use to…was gone.
Sebastian was quick and slid into the bed holding me tight
to his chest.
“You’ll get thru this Lilly” he whispered as he held me
tight.
“How?...you said once that I should let go and feel… what
has that done for me? Tell me Sebastian…What do I do with this now…my heart
feels dead. My heart feels like it’s been torn from my body.”
“You’ll heal Lilly…I promise you…Charlie loves you…let him
help you heal…he needs you as much as you
at me.
“Emergency services ….” I gasped. I need help and now. “Henry
confirm order!”
“Order confirmed paramedics in route…order issued for
potential miscarriage. Blood loss substantial. I’ve also sent your blood
pressure readings. Doors have been unlocked as all security measure lowered for
their arrival.”
Crying on the floor, I heard Brady scream to Charlie asking
where I was.
Brady ran into the bathroom…
“Oh Jesus” he lowered down to me… “Just breathe through
it...I saw the alarms going off.”
“Oh dear lord…what’s happening…where’s all the blood coming
from?” Charlie ran into the bathroom, eyes wide and in shock.
“ME” my voice shaky.
“The baby…it’s the baby isn’t it?” Charlie ran over
kneeling to the side of me.
I couldn’t answer him…this was too surreal…I was going to
lose her…I knew it. My hands and sight fell to my belly and one more on the
blood that covered my legs, the floor and my robe.
“Paramedics pulling in driveway,” Henry announced
“Charlie, I’m going to get them and bring them in. Keep her
talking…she’s going into shock!”
“I love you Lilly…remember that. You’ll be ok.” he offered,
his tone low and shaken.
The more he spoke, the more his words became barely audible. My eyes focused on all the blood and the pain
that was coursing through, was now numb.
“MY feet are numb.” I blankly stared
“Look at me Lilly!” He force my head in his direction but
my tears seamed to blur his face.
He said nothing and shook his head slow.
“I’m left with nothing Charlie….nothing”
“No…you have me…I love you Lilly. You hear me…I love you
and I’m not going anywhere…” he spoke thru what looked like his own tears.”
The paramedics made their way with their gurney. It was all
too much as Charlie raised my body and placed me in the gurney.
The oxygen mask was on my face and before I realized it, I
was now in an ambulance.
Paralyzed in fear and knowledge; I understood, I knew I was
losing the baby.
It was all such a quick blur. The exam; then the inevitable
D&C as they called it for short.
Waking in the recovery room, I felt numb. Charlie, ever
present, just staring out the window. I suppose he didn’t notice me wake up.
Looking at him it was clear he had done his share of crying. Shifting my gaze,
I saw Sebastian?
He was seated in the chair by Charlie; bent over holding
his head.
“You should take a walk Charlie…clean yourself up; she’s
going to need you to be strong for her. Seeing you look like shit, won’t help
her.” Sebastian spoke to him, yet held his face towards the floor.
“How do I help her? How do I make this ok? This is my
fault…I got her pregnant and now she’s lost the baby…how in the world do I
begin to make this ok?” without looking to me he walked from the room visibly
upset.
“I don’t know brother,” Sebastian whispered.
It was just Sebastian and me.
“Why are you here?” I whispered.
His head shot up and his expression lost. I watched as he
rose to his feet and walked to my bedside.
“Why are you here?” I repeated
“Because I care…I’ve always cared Lillian”, he looked down
to me and grazed my cheek.
“You tried to take my baby.” I shook my head.
He reached for my hand. “I’m so sorry for your loss Lilly…truly.”
The tears again fell on their own accord…my baby; the one I
only just got use to…was gone.
Sebastian was quick and slid into the bed holding me tight
to his chest.
“You’ll get thru this Lilly” he whispered as he held me
tight.
“How?...you said once that I should let go and feel… what
has that done for me? Tell me Sebastian…What do I do with this now…my heart
feels dead. My heart feels like it’s been torn from my body.”
“You’ll heal Lilly…I promise you…Charlie loves you…let him
help you heal…he needs you as much as you
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