pterodactyl, and astonishingly pretty—the blue was iridescent, like a hummingbird’s feathers. Dairine walked around it, fascinated, for quite a long time, pretending to look for a chair.
But there seemed to be no chairs in this particular area. The closest to a chairlike thing was a large low bowl that was full of what seemed to be purple Jell-O… except that the Jell-O put up a long blunt limb of itself, the end of which swiveled to follow as Dairine passed. She hurried by; the effect was rather like being looked at by a submarine periscope, and the Jell-O thing had about as much expression. Probably wonders what the heck I am, she thought. I’d say it’s mutual….
Finally Dairine settled for the floor. She opened the computer, brought up the utilities window and started running down the list of flagged planets again…. then stopped. “Assistance utility,” she said.
“Nature of query,” said the computer.
“Uh…” Dairine paused. Certainly this place was what she had thought she wanted—a big cosmopolitan area full of intelligent alien creatures. But at the same time there were hardly any hominids, and she felt bizarrely out of place. Which was all wrong. She wanted someplace where she would be able to make sense of things. But how to get that across to the computer? It seemed as though, even though it was magical, it still used and obeyed the laws of science, and was as literal and unhelpful as a regular computer could be if you weren’t sufficiently familiar with it to know how to tell it what you wanted.
“I want to go somewhere else,” she said to the machine.
“Define parameters,” said the computer.
“Define syntax.”
“Command syntax. Normal syntactical restrictions do not apply in the Help/Assistance facility. Commands and appended arguments may be stated in colloquial-vernacular form. Parameters may be subjected to manual analysis and discussion if desired.”
“Does that mean I can just talk to you?” Dairine said.
“Affirmative.”
“And you’ll give me advice?”
“Affirmative.”
She let out a breath. “Okay,” she said. “I want to go somewhere else.”
“Acknowledged. Executing.”
“No don’t!” Dairine said, and several of the aliens around her reacted to the shriek. One of the holly tree people, standing nearby in something like a flowerpot, had several of its eyes fall off on the floor.
“Overridden,” said the computer.
“Help facility!” Dairine said, breathing hard. Her heart was pounding.
“Online.”
“Why did you start doing that?!”
“ ‘OK’ is a system command causing an exit from the Help facility and a return to command level,” said the computer.
“Do not run any program until I state the full command with arguments and end the sequence with ‘Run’!”
“Affirmative,” said the computer. “Syntax change confirmed.”
Oh God, Dairine thought, I’ve started messing with the syntax and I don’t even understand it. I will never never use a program again till I’ve completely read the docs… “Good,” she said. “The following is a string of parameters for a world I want to transit to. I will state ‘End of list’ when finished.”
“Affirmative. Awaiting listing.”
“Right. I want to go somewhere else.”
“Transit agenda, confirmed. Specific arguments, please.”
“Uhh…” She thought. “I want to go somewhere where there are going to be people like me.”
“Noted. Next argument.”
What exactly am I looking for?
Darth Vader…? She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Think I’ll wait a bit on that one. “I want to go somewhere where I’m expected,” she said.
“Noted. Next argument.”
“Somewhere where I can use some of this magic.”
“Argument already applies,” said the computer. “You are using wizardry at this time.”
Dairine made a face. “Somewhere where I can sit down and figure out what it means.”
“Argument already applies. Documentation is available at this
But there seemed to be no chairs in this particular area. The closest to a chairlike thing was a large low bowl that was full of what seemed to be purple Jell-O… except that the Jell-O put up a long blunt limb of itself, the end of which swiveled to follow as Dairine passed. She hurried by; the effect was rather like being looked at by a submarine periscope, and the Jell-O thing had about as much expression. Probably wonders what the heck I am, she thought. I’d say it’s mutual….
Finally Dairine settled for the floor. She opened the computer, brought up the utilities window and started running down the list of flagged planets again…. then stopped. “Assistance utility,” she said.
“Nature of query,” said the computer.
“Uh…” Dairine paused. Certainly this place was what she had thought she wanted—a big cosmopolitan area full of intelligent alien creatures. But at the same time there were hardly any hominids, and she felt bizarrely out of place. Which was all wrong. She wanted someplace where she would be able to make sense of things. But how to get that across to the computer? It seemed as though, even though it was magical, it still used and obeyed the laws of science, and was as literal and unhelpful as a regular computer could be if you weren’t sufficiently familiar with it to know how to tell it what you wanted.
“I want to go somewhere else,” she said to the machine.
“Define parameters,” said the computer.
“Define syntax.”
“Command syntax. Normal syntactical restrictions do not apply in the Help/Assistance facility. Commands and appended arguments may be stated in colloquial-vernacular form. Parameters may be subjected to manual analysis and discussion if desired.”
“Does that mean I can just talk to you?” Dairine said.
“Affirmative.”
“And you’ll give me advice?”
“Affirmative.”
She let out a breath. “Okay,” she said. “I want to go somewhere else.”
“Acknowledged. Executing.”
“No don’t!” Dairine said, and several of the aliens around her reacted to the shriek. One of the holly tree people, standing nearby in something like a flowerpot, had several of its eyes fall off on the floor.
“Overridden,” said the computer.
“Help facility!” Dairine said, breathing hard. Her heart was pounding.
“Online.”
“Why did you start doing that?!”
“ ‘OK’ is a system command causing an exit from the Help facility and a return to command level,” said the computer.
“Do not run any program until I state the full command with arguments and end the sequence with ‘Run’!”
“Affirmative,” said the computer. “Syntax change confirmed.”
Oh God, Dairine thought, I’ve started messing with the syntax and I don’t even understand it. I will never never use a program again till I’ve completely read the docs… “Good,” she said. “The following is a string of parameters for a world I want to transit to. I will state ‘End of list’ when finished.”
“Affirmative. Awaiting listing.”
“Right. I want to go somewhere else.”
“Transit agenda, confirmed. Specific arguments, please.”
“Uhh…” She thought. “I want to go somewhere where there are going to be people like me.”
“Noted. Next argument.”
What exactly am I looking for?
Darth Vader…? She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Think I’ll wait a bit on that one. “I want to go somewhere where I’m expected,” she said.
“Noted. Next argument.”
“Somewhere where I can use some of this magic.”
“Argument already applies,” said the computer. “You are using wizardry at this time.”
Dairine made a face. “Somewhere where I can sit down and figure out what it means.”
“Argument already applies. Documentation is available at this
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