No more punchlines.
It just can't possibly be, I muttered to
myself.
The crumpled phone records on the table
pulsed haughtily back at me. Laughing at the blatant proof that lay
before my eyes. How did I not see it before?
Well, Sarah Douglas, I wonder if you know my
mother calls your husband in the wee hours of the night. I wonder
if you know he calls her just as much.
The long list of back and forth phone calls
extended the entire paper. I wondered if every month looked like
this or if it was a recent development. I knew my mother was going
to be furious once she found out I had opened her mail, but, I had
to be sure. I had to know. Why the hell did I have to know? I
should have just left it alone.
56
I shook my head in disbelief.
How could he have known this entire time? He
knew?! He knew and still treated me like trash. Hell, he probably
treated me like shit because he knew.
JJ's unsurprised expression still holding
firm against my shock and awe grimace. I was so sure this would
change things. I should have known better with JJ. Anything that
had to do with me, he blatantly would spit on without any inkling
of regret. The crushing reality that he hated me all these years
because of the truth hurt more than I ever thought it could.
I almost chuckled to myself slightly.
Anyone but him. It could have been anyone but
him. Why him?
“Harvey, you're a piece of shit. I don't know
what you thought was going to happen, but you're wrong no matter
what it is. I hate you. I hate your whore of a mother. So does my
father.”
I pushed back the urge to cry, not giving him
the satisfaction of knowing he caused me more agony. I desperately
wanted to have some kind of upper hand. There had to be something
that could hurt this asshole!
I raised my head confidently, a blissful
smile creeping up in the corner of my mouth.
“Well, JJ, I don't really care what you
think. Or your shitty dad. All I know, is that Joanna thinks I'm a
pretty good guy. Oh, that's right, she turned you down, didn't she?
Man, that had to have hurt, being rejected like that and all. Can't
say she's ever said “no” to me though,” I took in a deep
exaggerated breath, “She's smells just like butterflies and
lavender. So intoxicating. And I can't even begin to describe how
delightful her cherry lip gloss tastes.”
Disbelief mixed with envious rage spread fast
across JJ's face. An evil grin of superiority formed across my
face. It felt so empowering to get the best of him that I just
couldn't control my
outright pleasure of his childish jealousy. I
ached to keep twisting the knife deeper and deeper into his envy,
but pulled back, hearing Joanna's apprehensive voice telling me to
let it go. I was so thankful for her reasoning. That assuring voice
had talked me out of a lot of idiotic decisions.
I gave JJ another quick arrogant glance
before walking away, almost skipping as I went. I decided against
looking back. I had already gained enough joy from his jealously.
What started out as a shit sandwich of disappointment had turned
into quite the delicious feast of revenge. I was so proud of myself
for finally having something that asshole would never possess.
57
It's strange how I cease to be sad for my
increasing lack of human emotions within my hellish prison. I am
beginning to numb to the never-ending anguish that feeds on my
soul. Loneliness is even becoming such a constant that I no longer
dwell on its pain. Am I losing what minute amount of humanity that
I had left? Am I becoming what they all feared I would be? Do I
even care?
58
Joanna woke up red eyed and disheveled in my
tired arms. Her bloodshot eyes still caked with smudged eye liner
and tears. I swallowed hard as I gazed into her lost soul, knowing
what I was about to tell her could either break the rest of her
spirit or put it back together.
“Jo, I have to do something about this.
I...I,” I hesitated heavily, both afraid and relieved at my next
statement, “I'm
It just can't possibly be, I muttered to
myself.
The crumpled phone records on the table
pulsed haughtily back at me. Laughing at the blatant proof that lay
before my eyes. How did I not see it before?
Well, Sarah Douglas, I wonder if you know my
mother calls your husband in the wee hours of the night. I wonder
if you know he calls her just as much.
The long list of back and forth phone calls
extended the entire paper. I wondered if every month looked like
this or if it was a recent development. I knew my mother was going
to be furious once she found out I had opened her mail, but, I had
to be sure. I had to know. Why the hell did I have to know? I
should have just left it alone.
56
I shook my head in disbelief.
How could he have known this entire time? He
knew?! He knew and still treated me like trash. Hell, he probably
treated me like shit because he knew.
JJ's unsurprised expression still holding
firm against my shock and awe grimace. I was so sure this would
change things. I should have known better with JJ. Anything that
had to do with me, he blatantly would spit on without any inkling
of regret. The crushing reality that he hated me all these years
because of the truth hurt more than I ever thought it could.
I almost chuckled to myself slightly.
Anyone but him. It could have been anyone but
him. Why him?
“Harvey, you're a piece of shit. I don't know
what you thought was going to happen, but you're wrong no matter
what it is. I hate you. I hate your whore of a mother. So does my
father.”
I pushed back the urge to cry, not giving him
the satisfaction of knowing he caused me more agony. I desperately
wanted to have some kind of upper hand. There had to be something
that could hurt this asshole!
I raised my head confidently, a blissful
smile creeping up in the corner of my mouth.
“Well, JJ, I don't really care what you
think. Or your shitty dad. All I know, is that Joanna thinks I'm a
pretty good guy. Oh, that's right, she turned you down, didn't she?
Man, that had to have hurt, being rejected like that and all. Can't
say she's ever said “no” to me though,” I took in a deep
exaggerated breath, “She's smells just like butterflies and
lavender. So intoxicating. And I can't even begin to describe how
delightful her cherry lip gloss tastes.”
Disbelief mixed with envious rage spread fast
across JJ's face. An evil grin of superiority formed across my
face. It felt so empowering to get the best of him that I just
couldn't control my
outright pleasure of his childish jealousy. I
ached to keep twisting the knife deeper and deeper into his envy,
but pulled back, hearing Joanna's apprehensive voice telling me to
let it go. I was so thankful for her reasoning. That assuring voice
had talked me out of a lot of idiotic decisions.
I gave JJ another quick arrogant glance
before walking away, almost skipping as I went. I decided against
looking back. I had already gained enough joy from his jealously.
What started out as a shit sandwich of disappointment had turned
into quite the delicious feast of revenge. I was so proud of myself
for finally having something that asshole would never possess.
57
It's strange how I cease to be sad for my
increasing lack of human emotions within my hellish prison. I am
beginning to numb to the never-ending anguish that feeds on my
soul. Loneliness is even becoming such a constant that I no longer
dwell on its pain. Am I losing what minute amount of humanity that
I had left? Am I becoming what they all feared I would be? Do I
even care?
58
Joanna woke up red eyed and disheveled in my
tired arms. Her bloodshot eyes still caked with smudged eye liner
and tears. I swallowed hard as I gazed into her lost soul, knowing
what I was about to tell her could either break the rest of her
spirit or put it back together.
“Jo, I have to do something about this.
I...I,” I hesitated heavily, both afraid and relieved at my next
statement, “I'm
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