choices, and some couples vary their selections from one lovemaking session to another.
Others settle down to a regular routine once they have found what works for them.
Afterward, the lovers might hold each other, nuzzle, cuddle, lie back (still touching), and bask in the post-coital afterglow, perhaps dozing off together. After-play can be the most sweetly affectionate part of sex, and is accentuated when both partners are genuinely satisfied and have the same mellow, sexy, bonded feeling. In the words of Richard Rhodes:
Is there anything on this earth finer than two human beings turned to each other in a comfortable bed, one’s leg thrown over the other’s hip, looking into each other’s eyes, sharing the dawning day?
Couples who have separate orgasms often develop a protocol for taking turns. There are advantages to each possible sequence: if it’s “ladies first,” there’s a gentlemanly feel to it and plenty of lubrication when it’s time for him to enter the vagina. (In She Comes First: A Thinking Man’s 1 1 0
T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t Guide to Pleasuring a Woman , Ian Kerner explores the full potential for oral sex to bring the woman to orgasm before her partner.) For women who are capable of multiple orgasms (about 10 percent are believed to be in this category), the heightened arousal of having just had an orgasm may trigger additional orgasms during or after penetration. If the man comes first, there’s some added lubrication from his semen (provided the couple is not relying on condoms for birth control and disease preven-tion) and a less rushed feel-
ing for the woman. Either
Having separate orgasms
way can be great.
(first you, then me) is a
Compared to one-sided
breakthrough for many
3-2-1 sex and female fak-
couples, introducing an
ing, the separate-orgasms
unhurried, mutually
approach is a huge step for-
satisfying dynamic to their
ward. Both partners are
sexual relationship.
having orgasms within a
single lovemaking episode,
there’s much more of a feel-
ing of sharing and mutuality, and there’s real equality between the lovers. Women are the biggest beneficiaries: if they are getting genuine fulfillment from making love, they are much more likely to be happy with the sexual relationship (no more faking, no more resentment, and little need for masturbation).
Men are winners, too: consciously or unconsciously, T h r e e A p p r o a c h e s t o M u t u a l S a t i s f a c t i o n 1 1 1
most of them know that lovemaking is better for their partners and get deeper satisfaction and enjoyment as a result. These feelings can
ripple out into other
parts of the relationship,
Shere Hite reported that
contributing to a more
some women reach down and
good-natured, sharing
touch their own clitoris
dynamic. Mutual satis-
during penis-in-vagina
faction in bed is no cure-
intercourse, but this approach
all if a relationship has
is rarely mentioned in today’s
deep problems, but for
sex literature.
people who have a solid
love relationship, it defi-
nitely helps with everyday stresses—in addition to adding measurably to the enjoyment of life.
For a woman sizing up a man, there is one additional advantage in the separate-orgasms approach. A man reveals a lot about himself in bed, and the asymmetrical design of men’s and women’s bodies poses a test that self-centered, insensitive, and unscrupulous men are likely to flunk. Looking back on a lovemaking encounter, a woman can ask herself: Is he gentle and passionate? Does he care about my sexual needs? Is he willing to take the time to learn how my body works? Does he listen to me when I tell him what I like, or does he follow a set script (probably the same one he uses with every other woman he sleeps with)? Does he use a condom and protect me 1 1 2
T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t from pregnancy and disease? And does he make the extra effort and exercise the mature restraint to make sure I’m satisfied
Others settle down to a regular routine once they have found what works for them.
Afterward, the lovers might hold each other, nuzzle, cuddle, lie back (still touching), and bask in the post-coital afterglow, perhaps dozing off together. After-play can be the most sweetly affectionate part of sex, and is accentuated when both partners are genuinely satisfied and have the same mellow, sexy, bonded feeling. In the words of Richard Rhodes:
Is there anything on this earth finer than two human beings turned to each other in a comfortable bed, one’s leg thrown over the other’s hip, looking into each other’s eyes, sharing the dawning day?
Couples who have separate orgasms often develop a protocol for taking turns. There are advantages to each possible sequence: if it’s “ladies first,” there’s a gentlemanly feel to it and plenty of lubrication when it’s time for him to enter the vagina. (In She Comes First: A Thinking Man’s 1 1 0
T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t Guide to Pleasuring a Woman , Ian Kerner explores the full potential for oral sex to bring the woman to orgasm before her partner.) For women who are capable of multiple orgasms (about 10 percent are believed to be in this category), the heightened arousal of having just had an orgasm may trigger additional orgasms during or after penetration. If the man comes first, there’s some added lubrication from his semen (provided the couple is not relying on condoms for birth control and disease preven-tion) and a less rushed feel-
ing for the woman. Either
Having separate orgasms
way can be great.
(first you, then me) is a
Compared to one-sided
breakthrough for many
3-2-1 sex and female fak-
couples, introducing an
ing, the separate-orgasms
unhurried, mutually
approach is a huge step for-
satisfying dynamic to their
ward. Both partners are
sexual relationship.
having orgasms within a
single lovemaking episode,
there’s much more of a feel-
ing of sharing and mutuality, and there’s real equality between the lovers. Women are the biggest beneficiaries: if they are getting genuine fulfillment from making love, they are much more likely to be happy with the sexual relationship (no more faking, no more resentment, and little need for masturbation).
Men are winners, too: consciously or unconsciously, T h r e e A p p r o a c h e s t o M u t u a l S a t i s f a c t i o n 1 1 1
most of them know that lovemaking is better for their partners and get deeper satisfaction and enjoyment as a result. These feelings can
ripple out into other
parts of the relationship,
Shere Hite reported that
contributing to a more
some women reach down and
good-natured, sharing
touch their own clitoris
dynamic. Mutual satis-
during penis-in-vagina
faction in bed is no cure-
intercourse, but this approach
all if a relationship has
is rarely mentioned in today’s
deep problems, but for
sex literature.
people who have a solid
love relationship, it defi-
nitely helps with everyday stresses—in addition to adding measurably to the enjoyment of life.
For a woman sizing up a man, there is one additional advantage in the separate-orgasms approach. A man reveals a lot about himself in bed, and the asymmetrical design of men’s and women’s bodies poses a test that self-centered, insensitive, and unscrupulous men are likely to flunk. Looking back on a lovemaking encounter, a woman can ask herself: Is he gentle and passionate? Does he care about my sexual needs? Is he willing to take the time to learn how my body works? Does he listen to me when I tell him what I like, or does he follow a set script (probably the same one he uses with every other woman he sleeps with)? Does he use a condom and protect me 1 1 2
T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t from pregnancy and disease? And does he make the extra effort and exercise the mature restraint to make sure I’m satisfied
Similar Books
