God's Little Freak

God's Little Freak by Franz-Joseph Kehrhahn

Book: God's Little Freak by Franz-Joseph Kehrhahn Read Free Book Online
Authors: Franz-Joseph Kehrhahn
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others might think, so if you feel sad and want to cry, you should.”
    After what seems like an eternity, Kevin stops crying and collects himself and they talk about Brendan. “He was so gifted and was doing well at school - everything really. He had a great future ahead of him. It’s all so, so sad,” his mother says. His father remembers that Brendan was rather quiet and not as outgoing as any of his children. They all wonder what prompted him to take such drastic action.
    “ He left a short note saying that he was sorry. He loves everyone but doesn’t feel like living anymore. Why would he do something like that?” his mother asks.
    Kevin freezes up and stares straight ahead of him. He thinks, “I know why, but I won’t say a word. I might be the only person in the world who knows his secret! I won’t say a word. If Brendan wanted people to know, he would have said something.”
    The following Friday Kevin and his parents drive to Vanderbijlpark for Brendan’s funeral. Marcus and Klara didn’t want to go to another funeral, but Kevin feels he has to go. It is the first time that he travels alone with his parents and although he likes it, he wishes the conditions were different. He thinks all the way about Brendan and what they have shared. A part of him understands Brendan’s pain. On some level he knows that if he doesn’t do anything, he will end up the same way. He wonders if Brendan ever found anyone to love before he died. If he didn’t, that’s probably the saddest of all. “At least I experienced love with Michael, but sadly that too had to come to an end. Michael is now the only one who knows about me,” Kevin thinks. Kevin didn’t speak to Michael again after their break-up.
    At the funeral, the mood is all gloomy. Aunt Sally is crying non-stop and it’s difficult for anyone to talk to her. It’s tough for Kevin to see her like that. She seems completely broken and appears as if she is not aware of anything around her. Uncle Brian isn’t crying but one can see in his eyes that he had been crying before. “No one should bury their child. I’m deeply sorry,” Kevin’s father says and hugs him. Kevin never saw his father hug another man before, but it’s appropriate. Kevin also tells them that he is sorry about it. He doesn’t know what else to say. He looks at Emily. She only stares at all the people. “How hard it must be for her! She is all alone now,” Kevin thinks.
    After the church service, Kevin is adamant that he would step forward first when they begin to close the grave. He found that with his grandfather it gave him a feeling of closure, like all is done. However, they didn’t close the grave. Kevin enquired about that and someone said that gravediggers would come later and close the grave. Kevin doesn’t like that. He has a need to close the grave, like a final farewell.  He asks his father why they didn’t close the grave like with Opa Gunter? His father says that closing the grave by family members isn’t a tradition with everyone.
    On their way back, Kevin vows to himself never to go the route that Brendan did. It was most dreadful to see his family and he will never feel the same about Aunt Sally again. He can’t do that to his own family. He would rather suck it up and suffer, than hurting his family. He thinks that if Brendan knew the consequences, he might have done something else. “How bad must things get before taking such action? He must have felt so alone,” is all that Kevin can think of. He sometimes thought it would be better for everyone if he was dead, but now he knows different. Suicide is off the table. He hopes for some changes in his life so that he won’t go the same route as Brendan.

Chapter XVI
    At the end of t he first term, Kevin’s report isn’t as impressive as usual. He has a 25% drop in Maths and 20% in science. All the other subjects are more or less the same. It concerns his parents a bit. They know it was a bit of a tough term for

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