opens her mouth. Closes it. Shuffles her feet, anxious. Then four words slip through her lips. "Jade, I'm really sorry."
I inhale, breath swelling with my heart, which seems to expand in my chest. Looking up under hooded brows, her gaze meets mine, waiting. I realize she is not afraid of me, she is afraid of being rejected.
People do not apologize where I'm from. Years of being bullied by my peers, beat down by the boys, given no aid by the commander, and I have never once received remorseful words. I have learned not to expect them. I do not know how to accept them.
My natural instinct is to disconnect, to ignore.
I had already written Maddy off. She thought me a zombie, so I deemed her unworthy of my time. Done. Finished.
But watching her now, I am unsure. And that is enough to make me want to hear more.
"Sorry for what?" I question, trying to keep the steel from my voice.
Her expression brightens just slightly and she steps free from the wall, moving imperceptibly farther into the room.
"For what I said, I mean, calling you a zombie. It was stupid, and I didn't mean it the way it sounded, and I could tell that I hurt your feelings, which means that you totally have them, and that I was wrong, and…"
Maddy trails off, antsy as she shifts her weight from side to side. The energy in her body starts to build, unused to being suppressed for so long.
I'm not sure if Asher sent her to test me, to push on my newfound emotions, to see if she can ignite a different flare. But I don't care. This isn't about him, not completely. I promised myself that I would try to discard the monster, to act the human, to live up to the trust I've been bestowed.
This is my first trial.
Even though it is hard, I lick my lips, forcing unfamiliar words to my voice. "I forgive you."
The mood in the room shifts, zipping to life as a smile widens Maddy's cheeks and she jumps closer to me. My mood follows, soaring higher, feeling lighter.
"Thank you," she gushes, grasping my upper arm in her hand. "I was hoping you would say that. And just in case, you know, you forgave me, I had an idea planned. Just a suggestion, really, I mean you don't need to listen to me."
"No, please," I say, feeling caught in her whirlwind but not bothered by it. The opposite in fact. Her energy bubbles over, teaching my calm body how to feel alive.
"Okay, great." She tugs on my hand, bringing me to the floor where we both sit across from one another with legs folded. A stack of cards almost magically appears in her hands and she deftly shuffles, weaving the cards in an out with a grace I didn’t think her frenetic body possessed. But her fingers are nimble, focused.
"Well, I was thinking," she says, not bothering to watch the cards and instead focusing her attention on me. "It's not so much that you can't connect with people, but more like you don't know how. I mean, Asher's told us about the way life was for him, how people didn’t seem to care about each other. But that doesn’t mean you can't, not really, more like you've just never been allowed to."
"Okay," I say slowly, squirming a little, not sure I like where this is going.
"Anyway, the best way to feel connected to someone is to talk with them and to open up, you know? At least, I think so. But you don't really seem like the sharing type." Maddy pauses, eyes going wide. "I mean, no offense."
I shrug. "I'm not."
A sigh rushes from her body as the excitement returns. "So basically, I thought we could play a game. All the girls used to play this when we were younger, you know, to try to get someone to confess to a secret crush or admit something embarrassing, you know."
I don't, but I remain silent. Growing up, other little girls were not my friends, not my companions. We did not play together. I've certainly never whispered secret confessions into their ears.
"But," Maddy continues, unaware of the way my thoughts have wandered, "we would play just to learn more about each other, to you know, get
I inhale, breath swelling with my heart, which seems to expand in my chest. Looking up under hooded brows, her gaze meets mine, waiting. I realize she is not afraid of me, she is afraid of being rejected.
People do not apologize where I'm from. Years of being bullied by my peers, beat down by the boys, given no aid by the commander, and I have never once received remorseful words. I have learned not to expect them. I do not know how to accept them.
My natural instinct is to disconnect, to ignore.
I had already written Maddy off. She thought me a zombie, so I deemed her unworthy of my time. Done. Finished.
But watching her now, I am unsure. And that is enough to make me want to hear more.
"Sorry for what?" I question, trying to keep the steel from my voice.
Her expression brightens just slightly and she steps free from the wall, moving imperceptibly farther into the room.
"For what I said, I mean, calling you a zombie. It was stupid, and I didn't mean it the way it sounded, and I could tell that I hurt your feelings, which means that you totally have them, and that I was wrong, and…"
Maddy trails off, antsy as she shifts her weight from side to side. The energy in her body starts to build, unused to being suppressed for so long.
I'm not sure if Asher sent her to test me, to push on my newfound emotions, to see if she can ignite a different flare. But I don't care. This isn't about him, not completely. I promised myself that I would try to discard the monster, to act the human, to live up to the trust I've been bestowed.
This is my first trial.
Even though it is hard, I lick my lips, forcing unfamiliar words to my voice. "I forgive you."
The mood in the room shifts, zipping to life as a smile widens Maddy's cheeks and she jumps closer to me. My mood follows, soaring higher, feeling lighter.
"Thank you," she gushes, grasping my upper arm in her hand. "I was hoping you would say that. And just in case, you know, you forgave me, I had an idea planned. Just a suggestion, really, I mean you don't need to listen to me."
"No, please," I say, feeling caught in her whirlwind but not bothered by it. The opposite in fact. Her energy bubbles over, teaching my calm body how to feel alive.
"Okay, great." She tugs on my hand, bringing me to the floor where we both sit across from one another with legs folded. A stack of cards almost magically appears in her hands and she deftly shuffles, weaving the cards in an out with a grace I didn’t think her frenetic body possessed. But her fingers are nimble, focused.
"Well, I was thinking," she says, not bothering to watch the cards and instead focusing her attention on me. "It's not so much that you can't connect with people, but more like you don't know how. I mean, Asher's told us about the way life was for him, how people didn’t seem to care about each other. But that doesn’t mean you can't, not really, more like you've just never been allowed to."
"Okay," I say slowly, squirming a little, not sure I like where this is going.
"Anyway, the best way to feel connected to someone is to talk with them and to open up, you know? At least, I think so. But you don't really seem like the sharing type." Maddy pauses, eyes going wide. "I mean, no offense."
I shrug. "I'm not."
A sigh rushes from her body as the excitement returns. "So basically, I thought we could play a game. All the girls used to play this when we were younger, you know, to try to get someone to confess to a secret crush or admit something embarrassing, you know."
I don't, but I remain silent. Growing up, other little girls were not my friends, not my companions. We did not play together. I've certainly never whispered secret confessions into their ears.
"But," Maddy continues, unaware of the way my thoughts have wandered, "we would play just to learn more about each other, to you know, get
Similar Books
