Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World by Jennie Allen
Book: Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World by Jennie Allen
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Authors: Jennie Allen
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Immediate shame.
And how did they react? Genesis says they hid. They covered their shame and nakedness with leaves. They didn’t want God to find them.
But, of course, God found them.
God wanted them to come out of sin and hiding and shame and come back into relationship with Him. But God is just and righteous, and He could not tolerate sin with no consequence. Sin required payment, and the price was death. That day He set in motion an answer to it all. He covered the nakedness and shame of Adam and Eve with clothes made from animal skin. It was a picture of the gospel, a promise that oneday the blood sacrifice of a Lamb would cover our sins once and for all.
This remains God’s desire, that we would be in right relationship with Him. This is the story of God. He loves us so much that even when we turn away, He fights to get us back, to make us right with Him. He values us so much, and He has set us in our places and created us for connection and purposes that are beyond what we can imagine. He does all that because He is good. He is so loving and powerful, and He wants to share Himself with us.
Since all this is true, we need never again be in bondage to shame. We have been made beautifully and totally free.
But we forget that this is so. We listen to the devil’s lying whispers that lead to shame. Add to that shame the pain caused by others, and even if in our hearts we believe God’s truth, we decide it’s safer to build the walls. Sigh.
This is why when a friend texts a last-minute invitation to hang out, you decline, crawl into your bed, and turn on Netflix again. It’s why even when a safe friend asks how you’re doing, you spit back a reflexive (and generally untrue), “Great! How are you?” It’s why I built walls without realizing it and continually made sure to be there for friends but never let them be there for me.
Shame is also why it feels like you get hit with arrows when you dare to peek out of your carefully built protective structure. Because shame can make people mean. While some of us hide behind walls of kindness and hospitality, others seek protection through hardness and cruelty, preemptively striking to avoid being hurt yet again.
We think the root problem of our isolation is chronicbusyness or tech addiction or broken families or the Church, but the problem is inside all of us. It was, and it is, and it will continue to be, until Jesus returns.
Is your marriage difficult?
Are you stuck in pornography or an obsession with your appearance?
Have you held on to hate and unforgiveness toward someone?
Are you trapped in debt that no one knows about?
Are you chronically angry toward your kids?
Do you doubt the faith you grew up holding?
The enemy’s strategy is to push us deep into shame and sin and to make us feel so isolated and guilty that we would never admit our struggle aloud. Research tells us that we begin feeling shame between fifteen and eighteen months of age. [1] Meaning, we experience shame before we even have words for it. Over time this tendency erodes our trust in God and fractures our relationships with people.
The devil is good at his job. Not only does he use shame to strip us of connection and community, but his whisper invades our thinking and multiplies the pain: It’s your own fault that you’re alone.
Ugh. It isn’t enough to feel alone. We feel guilty that it’s our fault!
Pain and shame compel us to hide behind walls of self-protection.
Eventually, we grow lonely behind those walls and venture out.
----
—
But other hurt, sinful people are wandering out of their walls and— Bam! —we get hurt again.
So we go back to hiding and the cycle spins on.
How do we break free?
To Be Fully Loved Requires Being Fully Known
Only when we let down our guards and allow ourselves to be known can we get over ourselves and get on with loving people. Love changes us and changes others. Love takes strangers and makes families. Love heals wounds and empty
And how did they react? Genesis says they hid. They covered their shame and nakedness with leaves. They didn’t want God to find them.
But, of course, God found them.
God wanted them to come out of sin and hiding and shame and come back into relationship with Him. But God is just and righteous, and He could not tolerate sin with no consequence. Sin required payment, and the price was death. That day He set in motion an answer to it all. He covered the nakedness and shame of Adam and Eve with clothes made from animal skin. It was a picture of the gospel, a promise that oneday the blood sacrifice of a Lamb would cover our sins once and for all.
This remains God’s desire, that we would be in right relationship with Him. This is the story of God. He loves us so much that even when we turn away, He fights to get us back, to make us right with Him. He values us so much, and He has set us in our places and created us for connection and purposes that are beyond what we can imagine. He does all that because He is good. He is so loving and powerful, and He wants to share Himself with us.
Since all this is true, we need never again be in bondage to shame. We have been made beautifully and totally free.
But we forget that this is so. We listen to the devil’s lying whispers that lead to shame. Add to that shame the pain caused by others, and even if in our hearts we believe God’s truth, we decide it’s safer to build the walls. Sigh.
This is why when a friend texts a last-minute invitation to hang out, you decline, crawl into your bed, and turn on Netflix again. It’s why even when a safe friend asks how you’re doing, you spit back a reflexive (and generally untrue), “Great! How are you?” It’s why I built walls without realizing it and continually made sure to be there for friends but never let them be there for me.
Shame is also why it feels like you get hit with arrows when you dare to peek out of your carefully built protective structure. Because shame can make people mean. While some of us hide behind walls of kindness and hospitality, others seek protection through hardness and cruelty, preemptively striking to avoid being hurt yet again.
We think the root problem of our isolation is chronicbusyness or tech addiction or broken families or the Church, but the problem is inside all of us. It was, and it is, and it will continue to be, until Jesus returns.
Is your marriage difficult?
Are you stuck in pornography or an obsession with your appearance?
Have you held on to hate and unforgiveness toward someone?
Are you trapped in debt that no one knows about?
Are you chronically angry toward your kids?
Do you doubt the faith you grew up holding?
The enemy’s strategy is to push us deep into shame and sin and to make us feel so isolated and guilty that we would never admit our struggle aloud. Research tells us that we begin feeling shame between fifteen and eighteen months of age. [1] Meaning, we experience shame before we even have words for it. Over time this tendency erodes our trust in God and fractures our relationships with people.
The devil is good at his job. Not only does he use shame to strip us of connection and community, but his whisper invades our thinking and multiplies the pain: It’s your own fault that you’re alone.
Ugh. It isn’t enough to feel alone. We feel guilty that it’s our fault!
Pain and shame compel us to hide behind walls of self-protection.
Eventually, we grow lonely behind those walls and venture out.
----
—
But other hurt, sinful people are wandering out of their walls and— Bam! —we get hurt again.
So we go back to hiding and the cycle spins on.
How do we break free?
To Be Fully Loved Requires Being Fully Known
Only when we let down our guards and allow ourselves to be known can we get over ourselves and get on with loving people. Love changes us and changes others. Love takes strangers and makes families. Love heals wounds and empty
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