desktop photo greeted her: Ryan in his military uniform; Fin’s gold dress shimmering under the lights as he held her close. Their smiles were bright for the camera, but she could see the sadness in his eyes.
Tapping at the keyboard, she called up the email Ryan sent six weeks ago. It was the only one she’d received from him since she left.
Fin,
We’ve been called up early.
Heading back to Afghanistan in two weeks.
To be honest I can’t wait. Being here when you’re not is like another kind of war because you’re everywhere—your face, your smile, the sweet smell of you. Only it’s a war I can’t seem to fight.
Don’t hope for us, Fin. Please. I can’t have you wasting your life waiting for someone who might never return, and remember what I told you once before—don’t let anyone stop you from being who you need to be.
Be safe.
Ryan
Every time she read over the words, it brought an ache to her chest, and every time she tried to reply, she could never find the words she needed to say.
Jabbing angrily at the keyboard, she closed the email. Instead, she called up the email from Jake that he sent just before they left.
Finny,
I read your last blog post. Nice photos. I wasn’t really sure if that was you in a giant, fluoro parka or just a big orange in the snow. I’m voting for orange.
I showed everyone here your photo of the Southern Lights. Kyle thinks you’re in the wrong career and should be a photographer for National Geographic, but he’s probably just hoping to one day get in your pants so don’t let him near you.
I’m honestly hurt that Tanner thinks so low of me. You can trust me, Fin - Kyle.
As I was saying—don’t let him near you!
Dad pitched a shit fit when I dropped Crookshanks off at their place. You know they’ve never seen eye to eye. I can rest happy knowing I’ve been knocked off the number one position on Dad’s shit list. That honour now belongs to you.
Hope you got home safe. Dad was going to mow the lawns for you, but if you’ve come home to overgrown weeds, you’ll know why.
Love you,
Jake.
Picking up her wine, Fin sipped at it as she flicked the television on. With the background noise for company, she tapped out a reply.
Jake,
Home safe. No overgrown weeds noted. Maybe that means when I pick up Crookshanks tomorrow his fur will be shaved off. Mum’s just told me he clawed the shit out of Dad’s recliner, so the two of us will be lying low for a while.
An orange? I guess I’ll have to return the penguin I brought home for you. Better yet, tell Kyle I said the penguin is now his.
It’s really quiet without you here. Miss you. How long are you gone for this time?
Love you too and be safe.
Fin xo
A knock came at the door as she hit send. Standing up, she walked down the hallway and swung it open.
“Ian.”
He stood there, olive green cargo shorts, black fitted shirt, his blond hair mussed from running his fingers through it. He swallowed, his eyes softening as they roamed over her. “Welcome home, baby.”
She stepped aside to let him through. He held her eyes for a moment before walking down the hallway towards the couch she’d just left. As he sat down, he grabbed her hips, yanking her onto his lap.
“Don’t let anyone stop you from being who you need to be.”
Fin took a deep breath. Her time away made her realise she was trying to force something with Ian that wasn’t there. It wasn’t possible to change who she was in order to be the person Ian wanted her to be. It was time to let him go.
“Ian—”
“Don’t say it.” He leaned in, pressing his forehead to hers. “I know.” He kissed her, his tongue sweeping wildly into her mouth. His fingers dug into her hips as his lips moved hard and desperate on hers. Tearing his mouth away, they both fought for breath. Tears filled his eyes. “I know,” he whispered against her lips.
Fin closed her eyes and remembered the way Ian had looked at her after their
Tapping at the keyboard, she called up the email Ryan sent six weeks ago. It was the only one she’d received from him since she left.
Fin,
We’ve been called up early.
Heading back to Afghanistan in two weeks.
To be honest I can’t wait. Being here when you’re not is like another kind of war because you’re everywhere—your face, your smile, the sweet smell of you. Only it’s a war I can’t seem to fight.
Don’t hope for us, Fin. Please. I can’t have you wasting your life waiting for someone who might never return, and remember what I told you once before—don’t let anyone stop you from being who you need to be.
Be safe.
Ryan
Every time she read over the words, it brought an ache to her chest, and every time she tried to reply, she could never find the words she needed to say.
Jabbing angrily at the keyboard, she closed the email. Instead, she called up the email from Jake that he sent just before they left.
Finny,
I read your last blog post. Nice photos. I wasn’t really sure if that was you in a giant, fluoro parka or just a big orange in the snow. I’m voting for orange.
I showed everyone here your photo of the Southern Lights. Kyle thinks you’re in the wrong career and should be a photographer for National Geographic, but he’s probably just hoping to one day get in your pants so don’t let him near you.
I’m honestly hurt that Tanner thinks so low of me. You can trust me, Fin - Kyle.
As I was saying—don’t let him near you!
Dad pitched a shit fit when I dropped Crookshanks off at their place. You know they’ve never seen eye to eye. I can rest happy knowing I’ve been knocked off the number one position on Dad’s shit list. That honour now belongs to you.
Hope you got home safe. Dad was going to mow the lawns for you, but if you’ve come home to overgrown weeds, you’ll know why.
Love you,
Jake.
Picking up her wine, Fin sipped at it as she flicked the television on. With the background noise for company, she tapped out a reply.
Jake,
Home safe. No overgrown weeds noted. Maybe that means when I pick up Crookshanks tomorrow his fur will be shaved off. Mum’s just told me he clawed the shit out of Dad’s recliner, so the two of us will be lying low for a while.
An orange? I guess I’ll have to return the penguin I brought home for you. Better yet, tell Kyle I said the penguin is now his.
It’s really quiet without you here. Miss you. How long are you gone for this time?
Love you too and be safe.
Fin xo
A knock came at the door as she hit send. Standing up, she walked down the hallway and swung it open.
“Ian.”
He stood there, olive green cargo shorts, black fitted shirt, his blond hair mussed from running his fingers through it. He swallowed, his eyes softening as they roamed over her. “Welcome home, baby.”
She stepped aside to let him through. He held her eyes for a moment before walking down the hallway towards the couch she’d just left. As he sat down, he grabbed her hips, yanking her onto his lap.
“Don’t let anyone stop you from being who you need to be.”
Fin took a deep breath. Her time away made her realise she was trying to force something with Ian that wasn’t there. It wasn’t possible to change who she was in order to be the person Ian wanted her to be. It was time to let him go.
“Ian—”
“Don’t say it.” He leaned in, pressing his forehead to hers. “I know.” He kissed her, his tongue sweeping wildly into her mouth. His fingers dug into her hips as his lips moved hard and desperate on hers. Tearing his mouth away, they both fought for breath. Tears filled his eyes. “I know,” he whispered against her lips.
Fin closed her eyes and remembered the way Ian had looked at her after their
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