Fallout by Ellen Hopkins

incident.
    Lack of self-control isn’t
    always about being pissed.
    Sometimes it’s sheer greed.
Something Dad said filters
back to me now.
Not once I’d made a solid
commitment to your mom …
    “You said you never
    cheated on Mom once
    you committed to her.
    How about before that?”
He decides how to answer.
I was dating a couple
of other people at the time.
So, yes, I guess I did.
    Okay. This could quite
    possibly be useful. “So did
    Mom find out?” She had to,
    right? She’s not exactly dense.
Actually, she did. And
when I saw how hurt
she was, it really made
me think. She was the one
I loved. I didn’t want to
lose her. That’s when I
decided playing around
just wasn’t worth it.
    Dad got Mom back, so
    there’s hope. But, “What
    did you say to make Mom
    give you another chance?”
He smiles. I told her if
I ever messed around again ,
she could cut off my balls.
At my horrified expression,
Dad amends, Not really. Look.
There’s no secret formula here.
Give it a few days. My guess is ,
once Nikki cools off, she’ll be
missing you. Then go to her and
tell her you know you screwed
up big-time, but you love her too
much to let things end like this.
It may not work. But Nikki loves
you, and if you love her, too ,
what have you got to lose?
Just be sure to follow through.

FEELING MARGINALLY BETTER
    And semi-jacked-up on chocolate
    chip cookies, I think maybe I’ll
    ask the boys if they want to break
    out the sleds. The driveway is perfect,
    as long as we build up a berm across
    the bottom. Not that there will be much
    traffic out in a storm like this. I am
    considering digging around in the garage
    when the phone rings. Once. Dad
    and I look at each other, some strange
    kind of understanding building between
    us. Suddenly David dashes into the room,
Sasha nipping at his heels. Mommy’s
coming for Christmas! he shouts.
Mom follows. Her public defender
argued illegal search and seizure ,
she explains. The judge agreed. All
charges against her were dropped.
    Kristina talks her way out of another
    predicament. Christmas drama to come.

Autumn
LONELINESS AND LIQUOR
    Are best friends. Too bad I haven’t
    had any liquor since the wedding.
Loneliness is eating me alive.
    No more Aunt Cora. No word from Bryce.
    Grandfather in bed with some ailment.
Much too much time on my hands.
    If there were any alcohol in the place,
    I’d be dropped-on-my-knees drunk.
Instead I keep cleaning. Organizing.
    There isn’t a speck of dirt anywhere.
    Except, no doubt, in Grandfather’s room.
I avoid going in there. It stinks.
    Stinks like old man. Stinks like a feeble
    old man, flat on his back for three days.
Farts and sweat and medicine.
    I only go in to take him soup. Hot tea.
    Water. More water. But not much me.

WHEN I CALLED BRYCE
To apologize, he was Arctic cool.
I don’t understand. Why did you
tell me your parents were dead?
    “I’m so sorry,” I said. “It’s just …
    well, there are things about them
    I’m not proud of. I was afraid….”
Look. No one’s parents are perfect.
And whatever is wrong with yours ,
lying to me like that just sucks.
    “I know. I was wrong. Can’t you please
    forgive me? Will you come over so
    we can—wait. Grandfather’s sick.”
He warmed up a little. Listen.
We’re heading out to California.
I’ll be back after Christmas.
We’ll get together then, okay?
But we can’t have a relationship
built around lies. Love is honest.

AT LEAST HE USED THE WORD “LOVE”
    The “built around lies” part,
    however, has me worried. I wish
    I would never have made up
    that stupid story about my parents
    being dead. But hey, for all I know,
    my mother is dead. Not like I’ve
    heard a single word from her.
    And my dad isn’t a whole lot better
    than dead to me. I never really
    expected to see him again.
    Certainly not then. Did he pick
    Aunt Cora’s wedding for shock
    value alone? He couldn’t have
    timed it worse, with Bryce right
    there as he made his grand entrance.
    At least Bryce is