Fallout by Ellen Hopkins Page A

willing to let me
    explain. But even if I fess up about
    the circumstances of my birth, what
    about my deeper dishonesty?
    How much truth do I want to tell him?

MY STOMACH STIRS
    And I’m pretty sure it has nothing
to do with the thought of lies.
    Hope I’m not coming down with
Grandfather’s bug. Wonder if it’s cat
    flu or dog flu, or some other
new, improved, unidentified strain.
    He’s actually a little better today,
and seeing as how he’s a member
    of one of those “high-risk populations,”
I guess that’s a really good thing.
    I wander down the hall to check
on him, but he’s in the bathroom.
    God! The smell coming from
his bedroom is going to make me …
    Quick. Run to the other bathroom,
reach the toilet just in time for
    my stomach to jet a horrid stream
of oatmeal and yogurt. Breakfast.

I HEAVE
    And heave,
sweat breaking
out on my forehead.
    Gut clenching
and letting go.
Clenching. Great.
    Who will take care
of Grandfather
if I get sick too?
    Who will take
care of me?
No Aunt Cora to
    tuck me in bed.
No Aunt Cora to
bring me soup,
    steaming cups of
tea. Ugh. Soup.
Just the thought
    makes me hurl
again. I hurl till
I’m food-empty and
    there’s nothing
left in my stomach
but putrid air.

ALL HURLED OUT
    Shaky. Drained. I poke my head
through Grandfather’s door, see
    he is dozing. Sounds like a plan.
    I wander into the living room, turn
on the TV. Lie down on the couch
    to not watch the History Channel.
    Some boring show about some boring
monarch in some boring century.
    My eyes, weighted, close and I slip
    toward some deep pocket of dark
space. Warm here. Comforting, with
    a low buzz of canned boring voices.
    Ringing now. Ringing? Bell. Doorbell?
Bell? I swim up into a bay of flat,
    gray light. Doorbell. Who? Bryce!
    He came? I jump up way too fast.
My head is so light. Did my brain
    shrink? I steady myself. “Coming!”
    The door is so far. Oh, God. Don’t
leave. Don’t go away. “Be right
    there!” I reach for the knob, jerk
    the door open. “Bryce!” But no,
he’s too tall. Too dark. Too old.
    Trey. Perfect. The anti-Bryce.
Sorry. Not Bryce. Can I come in?
He doesn’t wait for an answer,
though. Just pushes on past me.
    “W-wait. I’m not sure … uh …”
Not sure of what? Think, Autumn.
    “Uh, Grandfather has been sick.”
That’s okay. I’m not here to see
him. I’m here to see you. We’ve
got a little catching up to do.
    I follow him into the living room,
watch him flip off the TV. I start
    to tell him I don’t feel so hot either,
    notice I’m actually better. Strange.
I figured I’d be on my back for days,
    like Grandfather, who I should tell
    we’ve got a visitor. Then again,
he’s asleep and I’m a big girl.
    I can handle this on my own.

AT LEAST I THINK I CAN
    When it comes right down
    to it, I don’t know very
    much at all about
the man
    sitting on Grandfather’s
    recliner, claiming it as if
    it were his own. I think he
is
    probably dangerous.
    Aren’t all armed robbers?
    And yet, would he be
a
    threat to me? For all I
    really know, he could
    be a serial killer, a
total
    whacked-out pervert,
    stalking his next victim.
    He is nothing but a
stranger.
    A black hole. Will he suck
    me in? Burn me up? What
    does he want with me?

HE STUDIES ME
For several minutes. Finally says,
You look a lot like her. Your
mother. Her hair is darker.
You got the red from my mom.
    Straight for the jugular.
    “I wouldn’t know. I never
    met my mother. I don’t
    even know her name.”
He looks at me like I’m crazy.
No one ever told you her name?
    I shake my head. “For all
    I know, the stork delivered me.”
His mouth twitches slightly.
No, you were born at Washoe
Med in Reno. Your mom’s name
is Kristina. She lives in Vegas.
    “Why should I care? She never
    cared enough to contact me.”
Not exactly true. I just talked
to her a little while ago….
    He talked to her? About me?
    “She doesn’t even care if I’m alive.”
That’s not so. She’s tried to find
you since she got