Fallout by Ellen Hopkins Page B

out of prison.
    What is he talking about? Anger
    stings, hot in my cheeks. “No way.
    No calls. No letters. Definitely
    never came ringing the doorbell.”
Because she didn’t know where
you were. I didn’t either, not until
Mom got the news about Cora’s
wedding. Why do you think
everyone was so surprised when
we showed up? He sets his jaw.
    “I don’t understand. How could
    you not know where I was?”

HIS EYES LIFT
Then they settle somewhere
over my shoulder, grow cold.
He points. Ask him. Grandfather
    has come into the room, silent as
    still air. I don’t have to turn to feel
    him there. The tension is solid.
His trembling voice falls, a bag
of marbles, over my shoulder.
You. Get out of my chair.
Trey does not comply right
away. But as Grandfather starts
to move, he stands. Tell her.
    Grandfather limps slowly
    toward his chair. He is pale
    as paper. I stay silent as
he sits and meets my eyes.
We were just trying to protect
you, Cora and I … we …
He pauses too long, so Trey
expands, They kept moving
around when you were little.

THINGS FALL INTO PLACE
    Suddenly. Frequent
    moves to different
    little Texas towns.
Different schools.
Different friends.
Different boyfriends
    for Aunt Cora. Phone
    numbers. Addresses I
    could never quite recall,
    and if I did, there were
frequent reminders
frequent lectures
frequent warnings
    not to share them,
    because a stranger
    could get hold of
    them, might come
    kidnap me away.
Hidden photos.
Hidden paperwork.
Hidden stories
    about my family.
    To protect me from
    my mother. Father.
    And who else is out
    there? Who else might
    want to know what
    has happened to me?

SUCKER PUNCHED
    I can’t find air, and it has nothing to do with illogical panic.
    It’s shock. Pure. Simple. Rational. “How could you?”
    How could they make me believe I was a throwaway?
Grandfather is completely white, and the folds
of his eyes crease with pain. Good. I want him to hurt,
like he and Aunt Cora have hurt me. I’m sorry , he says.
    “Sorry? Do you understand how it feels to believe
    your parents don’t want you? Don’t tell me they didn’t
    deserve me. I already know that. This isn’t about them.”
    The look I shoot Trey withers him slightly. But his eyes
    glitter defiance. A desire so different from any I’ve
    known before strikes suddenly. “I want to meet her.”

TREY STRAIGHTENS
    I can see the wheels
    creak-turn in his head.
    He looks at Grandfather,
says to me, I’ll take you.
You should meet her.
Just don’t go thinking
she’s going to be like
some perfect mom. Kristina
is all about Kristina.
    Far as I can tell, that pretty
    much goes for everyone.
    “Really? You’ll take me?”
Why not? I’d like to see
her again myself. I used
to love the bitch. Maybe
I can figure out why. She’s
on her way to Albuquerque
to see her dad, but will be
at her mom’s for Christmas.
Plenty of time for a road
trip. You’ll be a nice surprise.

GRANDFATHER IS SHAKING
    Anger. Fear. Goat flu. Not sure
    which is to blame. Maybe all three.
You’re not serious , he says. You
can’t take her. I won’t let you.
    I want to go over. Give him a hug.
    I want to go over. Slap him. Hard.
    That’s the indecisive part of me—
    well-known. A strange, new take-
    charge part jumps in, “Yes, he can.
    If I don’t go now, it may never happen.”
Grandfather crumbles. You’re going
to leave me alone on Christmas?
    I could thaw if I let myself. But no.
    “Austin isn’t so far. Call Aunt Cora.”
    My heart flip-flops in my chest. I might
    meet my mother. It may very well turn
    out all bad, but how else will I know
    that? “I’ll go pack some clothes.”

BY THE TIME
    My suitcase sits, barely half-full,
    by the door, my anger has mostly
    subsided. Grandfather slumps,
    wounded, in his ratty recliner.
    “Did you call Aunt Cora?” I ask
    him. When he doesn’t reply,
Trey says, He wouldn’t, so I did.
She said she’s on her way.
    Which means we’d better go
    before she gets here and tries
    to make me