time. Even after you came back to life, I was worried you
might never be the same old Nina again."
"I
wish I knew who that same old Nina was now," I admitted sadly. "I
feel like I'm missing so much of me."
"You're
still you, Nina. It's all in there. It's just a matter of it coming out."
I
sat back against the couch cushions and hung my head. Just thinking about my
father's death was exhausting. It was like he'd just died that day and not
years before. My heart hurt at Jordan's description of his murder.
Looking
up, I asked, "Am I really the same? Of anybody, you'd know. Am I? What was
I like when I got into that accident?"
"Blissfully
happy. I'd never seen you as happy as when you were with Tristan. I mean, I
don't want to say it was perfect. Nothing is. But you were as happy as anyone
could want to be."
"Is
he as incredible as I think he is?"
"Yeah.
He is. When you moved in with him, he paid the rest of your portion of the rent
for the year. When that weird guy attacked us on the front steps, he let me stay
at his hotel in a gorgeous suite for weeks because you asked him to. You were
worried for my safety, and he didn't blink an eye. You wanted something and he
made it happen."
"Why
don't I remember any of that? Why can't I remember how much in love with him I
was? Don't you think I'd remember that? I mean, I can understand not wanting to
remember my father's death, but Tristan is wonderful. And the rest of those
four years couldn't have been all bad. Were they?"
"No.
They weren't all bad. We had some really fun times once you got back to being
yourself. Two single girls living in New York. Good times."
Her
smile faded as the words trailed off. She was hiding something. It hadn't been
all good times.
"What
aren't you telling me, Jordan?"
"It's
not important. Your life was as good as anyone who's just out of college and
trying to make it on their own."
"But?"
"But
nothing. You were happy."
Everything
in her face said otherwise, though. What had been so bad about my life?
"Tell
me, Jordan. I need to know."
She
got up from the couch and walked toward the kitchen. "Jordan, tell me!" I called after her.
She
stopped dead in the living room doorway and with her back to me asked, "Cal. Do you remember him?"
"Of
course. I was crazy about him."
Turning
around, she looked at me with pain in her eyes. "Do you remember what
happened between the two of you?"
I
thought about what I knew about Cal. "We broke it off because he had the
chance to study abroad in Spain for a year. He was a junior and it was the
chance of a lifetime, so we broke up. But it wasn't anything awful."
"That
wasn't the end of it. He came back and you two began seeing each other again,
but he wasn't the same guy. Whatever he did in Europe, he came back a real
asshole."
"What
are you saying?"
She
walked away into the kitchen, and I followed her, needing to know what the hell
she was talking about. Standing with her back to me, she shook her head.
"It was bad, Nina. He was a real shit. You were crazy about him, madly in
love, and he..."
She
stopped and said nothing for a long time.
"He
what?" I finally demanded.
She
spun around and I couldn't tell if she was angry or upset. "He fucked you
up really bad, Nina. You didn't just break up another time. He broke your
heart. You told him you loved him and what did he do? He cheated on you that
very fucking night!"
My
memory of Cal wasn't of a love meant for the ages, but I had no idea what she
was talking about. I'd been disappointed when we broke up so he could go to Spain, but I understood why. The person she was describing wasn't the person I'd cared
about, though.
"I
can't believe that. Cal and I had been fun together. I never thought it was
going to be a forever thing, but we had fun. We cared about each other."
"Well,
it wasn't like that when you got back together. He was a real dick. He left you
in pieces, Nina. Pieces. It was like it was when your father died all over
again. Even worse, if
might never be the same old Nina again."
"I
wish I knew who that same old Nina was now," I admitted sadly. "I
feel like I'm missing so much of me."
"You're
still you, Nina. It's all in there. It's just a matter of it coming out."
I
sat back against the couch cushions and hung my head. Just thinking about my
father's death was exhausting. It was like he'd just died that day and not
years before. My heart hurt at Jordan's description of his murder.
Looking
up, I asked, "Am I really the same? Of anybody, you'd know. Am I? What was
I like when I got into that accident?"
"Blissfully
happy. I'd never seen you as happy as when you were with Tristan. I mean, I
don't want to say it was perfect. Nothing is. But you were as happy as anyone
could want to be."
"Is
he as incredible as I think he is?"
"Yeah.
He is. When you moved in with him, he paid the rest of your portion of the rent
for the year. When that weird guy attacked us on the front steps, he let me stay
at his hotel in a gorgeous suite for weeks because you asked him to. You were
worried for my safety, and he didn't blink an eye. You wanted something and he
made it happen."
"Why
don't I remember any of that? Why can't I remember how much in love with him I
was? Don't you think I'd remember that? I mean, I can understand not wanting to
remember my father's death, but Tristan is wonderful. And the rest of those
four years couldn't have been all bad. Were they?"
"No.
They weren't all bad. We had some really fun times once you got back to being
yourself. Two single girls living in New York. Good times."
Her
smile faded as the words trailed off. She was hiding something. It hadn't been
all good times.
"What
aren't you telling me, Jordan?"
"It's
not important. Your life was as good as anyone who's just out of college and
trying to make it on their own."
"But?"
"But
nothing. You were happy."
Everything
in her face said otherwise, though. What had been so bad about my life?
"Tell
me, Jordan. I need to know."
She
got up from the couch and walked toward the kitchen. "Jordan, tell me!" I called after her.
She
stopped dead in the living room doorway and with her back to me asked, "Cal. Do you remember him?"
"Of
course. I was crazy about him."
Turning
around, she looked at me with pain in her eyes. "Do you remember what
happened between the two of you?"
I
thought about what I knew about Cal. "We broke it off because he had the
chance to study abroad in Spain for a year. He was a junior and it was the
chance of a lifetime, so we broke up. But it wasn't anything awful."
"That
wasn't the end of it. He came back and you two began seeing each other again,
but he wasn't the same guy. Whatever he did in Europe, he came back a real
asshole."
"What
are you saying?"
She
walked away into the kitchen, and I followed her, needing to know what the hell
she was talking about. Standing with her back to me, she shook her head.
"It was bad, Nina. He was a real shit. You were crazy about him, madly in
love, and he..."
She
stopped and said nothing for a long time.
"He
what?" I finally demanded.
She
spun around and I couldn't tell if she was angry or upset. "He fucked you
up really bad, Nina. You didn't just break up another time. He broke your
heart. You told him you loved him and what did he do? He cheated on you that
very fucking night!"
My
memory of Cal wasn't of a love meant for the ages, but I had no idea what she
was talking about. I'd been disappointed when we broke up so he could go to Spain, but I understood why. The person she was describing wasn't the person I'd cared
about, though.
"I
can't believe that. Cal and I had been fun together. I never thought it was
going to be a forever thing, but we had fun. We cared about each other."
"Well,
it wasn't like that when you got back together. He was a real dick. He left you
in pieces, Nina. Pieces. It was like it was when your father died all over
again. Even worse, if
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