Midnight
Damian
I know hospital protocol, but I refuse to sit in a waiting room full of depressed people hoping a doctor will come out of the ER with good news. It’s never good. Not in a hospital.
I don’t go home, though. I need to know as soon as I can what’s wrong with Kate.
What’s this girl doing to me? I’m about to lose my goddamn mind.
As soon as I’ve closed the door to Dad’s office, I go directly for his desk. I drop to my hands and knees and reach to the back of the bottom drawer. When I feel the hard plastic case, I rip it off and dump the key in my palm. Just hearing the click of the drawer’s lock soothes me a little.
A picture of Mom stares up at me and makes me pause. Her eyes remind me of Kate’s—kind and compassionate. She’s laughing, blonde hair falling in her face. I know this picture. It’s the day she found out she was pregnant with my brother, Liam.
I turn the frame over so she doesn’t see what I really want in Dad’s drawer. My fingers close around the silver flask. I lift it out and slam the drawer closed. Unscrewing the cap, I sit in the doc’s chair with my feet on the desk, the way he hates.
I tip the flask back, letting the whiskey burn away the sting in my chest. It’s all too familiar, and I won’t let it consume me again. I drown the feeling out with another gulp. Then another until nothing is left.
But my chest still hurts.
Kate’s file is under my heels. I lower my legs and pick it up, opening the flimsy cover. The fucking thing is so thick a lump rises in my throat at the weight of it. Last time I’d only flipped through it to find out who she was; this time I’ll read every damn word.
I start in the back of the file, when she’d gone in for what her doctors thought was mono. I don’t care that I don’t understand half the shit in here; it still hurts like hell to read everything she’s been through.
The further into the file I venture, the more I realize that being with Kate is incredibly stupid. She’s sick, and I could lose her at any second. I know the deeper I go with her, the harder it will be to walk away. And I should walk away.
I’m not good for her, and she’s not good for me.
She needs someone other than me. Someone stronger, who won’t fall apart when shit gets real. That’s my MO. Even tonight, if the news is bad, I don’t think I can handle it. I’m a fucked-up mess.
Halfway through, I shut the file and push it as far from me as possible. The thing almost falls off the desk.
“I’m done. I can’t do this,” I mutter, digging my phone out of my back pocket. I need to cut ties with Kate before I’m too attached.
I dial the number to the one girl who’s good at numbing my mind. She picks right up like she always does. Tonight, I need her as much as she usually needs me .
“Hey!” Ellie says, chipper for this late. She’s been waiting for me to call; I hear it in her voice. “Want some company?”
“Yeah, but I’m at the hospital. Meet me here?”
“Why’re you at the hospital?”
“I’m working late.”
Ellie sighs. “Okay, whatever. I’ll be right over.”
I hang up and head to the elevators. It’s a short trek from Drake University, and I need to meet her outside because we’ve never hooked up here before.
Out in the parking lot, I make my way to my car and slide inside. I grab the package of cigarettes from the console. I don’t know what everyone else who works here does, but it’s my car and I’ll smoke in it if I damn well please.
I light up and watch the cars turning into the parking lot. There’s not many at 3 a.m. I blow out the smoke. Damn, this shit is relaxing.
When I see Ellie’s car, I open my door and toss the butt. I didn’t bring a jacket, and the chill bites. It’s not a big deal, though, and I walk to where she’s parking her ten year old Intrepid.
“I thought you said you were working?” she says, eyeing me.
I peer down
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