Ditch by Beth Steel Page A

Dirt.
    Turner Cuckoo spit.
    Bug Fox piss.
    Turner Dog shit.
    Bug Cow shit.
    Turner Horse shit.
    Bug Stage skunk.
    Turner And fuck all else.
    Burns enters.
    Turner ( To Bug .) He’s thinkin’ about how he can laid already.
    Burns Welcome to the Peak.
    Burns and James shake hands.
    Burns Burns.
    James James.
    Burns Just got in?
    James Bout an hour ago.
    Burns How was the train up here?
    James Took a while.
    Burns Been some time since I travelled about.
    Burns What’s it lookin’ like?
    James What d’you mean?
    Burns See any construction work goin’ on?
    Bug She in the outbuildin’.
    James Can’t say I did.
    Burns Buildin’ a homes?
    James shakes his head.
    Turner He only been sat on a train.
    Burns Repairin’ a’ roads?
    James shakes his head.
    Turner Arterial roads have been fixed.
    Burns Nothin’ like that?
    James shakes his head.
    Burns No sign a’ Recovery then?
    Turner Priorities s’what they been doin’.
    Burns Thought the Recovery was one.
    Beat .
    Bug I got an Illegal.
    Burns Wasn’t expectin’ yer till tomorrow.
    James When I got inta Manchester there been a freight leavin’ early, so I took that.
    Burns Been over to Headquarters whilst you there.
    James Been given a letter for yer.
    Burns Letter? What kind a’ letter?
    James produces the letter. Burns takes it and reads the envelope.
James steps away. Turner nods at Bug for them to give Burns some space. Burns opens the envelope and reads the letter. Pause. He laughs. The men turn round.
    Burns I been put in charge.
    Bug and James happily step forwards. Turner stays where he is with a face like a smacked arse.
    Bug ( Pats back. ) Congratulations.
    James ( Shakes hand. ) Congratulations.
    Turner What’s it say?
    Burns You can read it later.
    Turner Like to read it now.
    Burns It goin’ up on the kitchen wall.
    Mrs Peel enters.
    Mrs Peel She’s pregnant and she far gone.
    Bug She aint showin’. You checked?
    Mrs Peel She as wide as a river in spate.
    Bug ( Grins. ) Nothin’ worse.
    Mrs Peel When yer boat aint big enough.
    Mrs Peel leaves.
    Burns There’s a train leavin’ at eleven. ( To Bug . ) You’ll just about make it.
    Turner We celebratin’ tonight.
    Burns Next trains not for a week.
    Turner What difference does it make?
    Burns No need to drag this thing out.
    Turner Aint as if she gonna drop it in a week.
    Burns Best she goes now.
    Turner He aint gonna get back here till gone three.
    Burns Put her on a horse too.
    Turner I say we vote on it.
    Burns I say what goes on around here now.
    Bug nods, Turner nods grudgingly. Burns leaves.
    Bug He just pissed all over my strawberries.
    Bug leaves. Turner and James watch him go.
    Turner There’s no way Stevens would a’ done that.
    James Who’s Stevens?
    Turner He the boss round here.
    James Where’d he go?
    Turner Venezuela, with the rest a’ ’em. There been eight a’ us here to start with.
    Turner walks off in the opposite direction to Bug .
    Turner ( Stops. ) You comin’? ( Storms off .) We got a war victory to celebrate.
    James leaves.
    Scene Two
    Kitchen. Afternoon.
    Megan has mopped the floor, she now rings out the mop. James enters stops as he sees the wet floor between the two of them.
    James Mornin’.
    Megan spins round.
    Megan Mornin’.
    James Guess I can’t come in here.
    They look at the floor . . .
    James How long it gonna take to dry?
    Megan Five minutes.
    James Five?
    Megan Three, maybe.
    James Hard to be exact.
    Megan It tricky to judge.
    James I bet.
    They look at each other . . .
    James Come back in five then.
    James makes to leave.
    Megan Bound to be three by now.
    James Don’t seem worth goin’.
    Megan Just to come back again.
    Beat.
    Megan You could wait here?
    James I’m not botherin’ you?
    Megan I just finished. Well . . . almost.
    Megan ’s eyes narrow on a supposed blemish on the floor.
    Megan Missed a bit.
    Megan takes