Dear Darling by Elle McKenzie Page A

deflated, wanting more of a conversation from my husband. It had been over a month since the assault but nothing was the same, everything had changed. My mood wasn’t great, I felt angry and sad all the time, and I couldn’t stop crying. I’d cry over the stupidest things, and Eli didn’t understand why.
    “Yeah, okay.” He didn’t even acknowledge how I was feeling, dismissing me with a wave of the hand. I knew he was busy with work, but it didn’t stop me from feeling neglected. He didn’t want to touch me any more, and when he did it was like he wasn’t even there.
    Folding the laundry into neat little piles, I placed them in their correct drawers, while wondering to myself how it could have all gone wrong. Mascara black tears fell onto the pile of clothes. Staining them. Marking them. I picked them up and threw them against the wall as hard as I could.
    Why did I feel like this?
    All of these emotions were foreign to me. I didn’t know how to react.
    It was almost as if I were a fraud. There were people in the world that had suffered terribly through some horrendous assaults, and I felt as though I had no right to feel bad for myself when they didn’t get away so easily.
     

     
    “I’m taking us to Kent at the weekend,” Eli announced suddenly one night as we lay in bed. The nights were quiet, now since we no longer spoke to one another like we used to. We used to talk for hours in bed, we’d plan for our futures and reminisce about the things we had done in the past. But now, now it was like we were strangers, just passing as ships in the night. He would be at work before I’d wake and more often than not he would be home after Sam and I were in bed.
    “Okay,” I replied quietly, not wanting to argue with him about it. Turning over, a tear slipped down my cheek, soaking into the pillow below me. That pillow had seen more tears lately than it ever had.
     
    As I sat in the car, my head leaned against the window, I watched the world pass us by. Maybe a break was what we needed, to get away from everything.
    “Where’s my favourite little boy,” Jodie screeched as we pulled up outside. Sam giggled from his car seat when he saw his Auntie Jodie’s smiling face. “Hey, babe. You okay?” My fake smile couldn’t get past her, she knew me too well.
    “I’m good.” I grimaced. There was no chance of her believing me now.
    “Come on, help me to prepare dinner.” She picked up Sam, and I followed her through to the kitchen. George toddled into the room, and I whisked him up into my arms swinging him around.
    “Hey, mate. How’s my favourite grown-up boy?” He giggled as I held him tightly, longer than I normally would. Closing my eyes, I tried to stop the tears from flowing. I didn’t know why I was crying; I couldn’t stop it. Jodie looked at me, her eyes quizzical, but she didn’t ask. I knew I wouldn’t get away with it though.
    We finished up our meal and cleared the plates from the table.
    “Hey, boys. Why don’t the two of you nip to the pub for a few hours while we have a girly night?” I stilled at the sink as I washed the dishes. I should’ve known Jodie would find a way to get me alone.
    “Yeah. You up for it, Eli?” Aaron turned to Eli, slapping him on the back. He looked to me, and I looked away, carrying on with my task.
    “Yeah, sure. I’ll grab my wallet.” Aaron headed over to Jodie, kissing her softly on the lips.
    “We won’t be late.” I heard him whisper. An aching inside my gut caused me to stop what I was doing. I missed that tenderness, I wanted it back so badly. When I turned to look for Eli, he and Aaron were already gone.
    “Leave those. I’ll sort them in the morning.” She grabbed my hand to stop me and pulled me into the living room. With gentle hands, she pushed me onto the sofa and then held up her finger, letting me know she would be right back. I sat, a bit confused by her actions, and laced my fingers together. The sound of glass rattling caused