Chapter Thirty-Six
Nina
S ix hours.
Six unbelievably long hours I’d sat like a good little girl in my bed, subjected to a triage of doctors, needles, tests, and questions. Joslyn came to see me a while ago, saying Liam was getting some fresh air. I missed him. I knew he needed space to deal with everything, but I wanted to be there for him. And at the same time I needed him to be there for me. I didn’t want him to think he was alone. Who cared if he didn’t know how to fly anymore? He could relearn. What mattered was he was alive, and we shared the same experiences. We loved each other. That would be enough to help him through the rough future. Wouldn’t it?
The door to my room opened and my heart stopped beating.
“What are you doing here?” I couldn’t work out if I knew this man, or if he was a complete stranger from Sydney. Our entire interaction in real life was a plane ride and a dance. Not the subconscious kiss or sad confession over dinner. The two ideals in my head wouldn’t align.
I narrowed my eyes as Nikolai walked tentatively toward my bed.
If I looked hard enough there were differences about him. His skin was slightly more weathered in real life, his hair a little shorter. It seemed odd, but it was as if I looked at two versions—the coma one being a few years younger. Was that Liam’s doing?
Nikolai stopped at the foot of my bed, shooting me a shy smile. “I’m glad you’re awake.”
Awkwardness stole my words. Forcing myself to stop staring, I mumbled again, “What are you doing here?”
“I was called in to work on the crash investigation. Engineer, remember?” He pointed at his chest. “I told you in Sydney?”
Crap, so I’d somehow threaded reality with fiction? How did I know he would be working the crash in my dream? Why was he here? We were effectively strangers, despite me knowing a lot of his past.
We stared at each other till Nikolai coughed. “I’m here on an errand for Liam.”
I blinked. He was running messages? Since when? They didn’t get along. Not in the world I’d been living in for the past few days, or was it weeks?
“What sort of errand?” My voice wavered. Somehow my gut already knew. He’d left. The moment he realized he couldn’t fly, I knew it would be too much for him. The open skies were his Prozac—his salvation to all the other crap in his life. If he couldn’t fly, he couldn’t cope. No, don’t tell me . I didn’t want to know if I was right.
Nikolai came to the side of the bed, and took my hand.
My flesh was cooler than his; it was odd touching him.
“He wanted me to get it exactly right.” He frowned. “Let’s see if I remember word for word. He said he had to leave. He can’t deal with the knowledge he doesn’t have a career. He doesn’t want to burden you by not being the man you fell in love with.” His face twitched, and with his free hand he pulled a scrap piece of paper from his back pocket.
“This is for you.”
I took it with fumbling fingers.
Nina,
I know you must think I’m a coward for running, but it’s all I can do to keep my sanity.
This isn’t goodbye.
Everything we shared in dream-paradise is real in my mind, and I’m coming back for you. But only when I’m whole again—when I deserve you and not before.
I love you. I’ll find you.
Liam.
My body shook. He’d left. After everything we’d been through together, he upped and left. I hated that I was right. Tears crushed my eyeballs, hot and heavy. Bastard. Didn’t he think I needed him for my own sanity? What about what I wanted? He was the only one who could remind me I hadn’t gone nuts. That everything I lived and felt was real not imaginary.
Terror filled me at the thought that everything we experienced might fade into some residual dream… disappearing into a void, never to be found again. Dammit, he’d sentenced us to fail before we’d even begun. My chest squeezed tighter, leaving me no oxygen. “He left me,” I
Nina
S ix hours.
Six unbelievably long hours I’d sat like a good little girl in my bed, subjected to a triage of doctors, needles, tests, and questions. Joslyn came to see me a while ago, saying Liam was getting some fresh air. I missed him. I knew he needed space to deal with everything, but I wanted to be there for him. And at the same time I needed him to be there for me. I didn’t want him to think he was alone. Who cared if he didn’t know how to fly anymore? He could relearn. What mattered was he was alive, and we shared the same experiences. We loved each other. That would be enough to help him through the rough future. Wouldn’t it?
The door to my room opened and my heart stopped beating.
“What are you doing here?” I couldn’t work out if I knew this man, or if he was a complete stranger from Sydney. Our entire interaction in real life was a plane ride and a dance. Not the subconscious kiss or sad confession over dinner. The two ideals in my head wouldn’t align.
I narrowed my eyes as Nikolai walked tentatively toward my bed.
If I looked hard enough there were differences about him. His skin was slightly more weathered in real life, his hair a little shorter. It seemed odd, but it was as if I looked at two versions—the coma one being a few years younger. Was that Liam’s doing?
Nikolai stopped at the foot of my bed, shooting me a shy smile. “I’m glad you’re awake.”
Awkwardness stole my words. Forcing myself to stop staring, I mumbled again, “What are you doing here?”
“I was called in to work on the crash investigation. Engineer, remember?” He pointed at his chest. “I told you in Sydney?”
Crap, so I’d somehow threaded reality with fiction? How did I know he would be working the crash in my dream? Why was he here? We were effectively strangers, despite me knowing a lot of his past.
We stared at each other till Nikolai coughed. “I’m here on an errand for Liam.”
I blinked. He was running messages? Since when? They didn’t get along. Not in the world I’d been living in for the past few days, or was it weeks?
“What sort of errand?” My voice wavered. Somehow my gut already knew. He’d left. The moment he realized he couldn’t fly, I knew it would be too much for him. The open skies were his Prozac—his salvation to all the other crap in his life. If he couldn’t fly, he couldn’t cope. No, don’t tell me . I didn’t want to know if I was right.
Nikolai came to the side of the bed, and took my hand.
My flesh was cooler than his; it was odd touching him.
“He wanted me to get it exactly right.” He frowned. “Let’s see if I remember word for word. He said he had to leave. He can’t deal with the knowledge he doesn’t have a career. He doesn’t want to burden you by not being the man you fell in love with.” His face twitched, and with his free hand he pulled a scrap piece of paper from his back pocket.
“This is for you.”
I took it with fumbling fingers.
Nina,
I know you must think I’m a coward for running, but it’s all I can do to keep my sanity.
This isn’t goodbye.
Everything we shared in dream-paradise is real in my mind, and I’m coming back for you. But only when I’m whole again—when I deserve you and not before.
I love you. I’ll find you.
Liam.
My body shook. He’d left. After everything we’d been through together, he upped and left. I hated that I was right. Tears crushed my eyeballs, hot and heavy. Bastard. Didn’t he think I needed him for my own sanity? What about what I wanted? He was the only one who could remind me I hadn’t gone nuts. That everything I lived and felt was real not imaginary.
Terror filled me at the thought that everything we experienced might fade into some residual dream… disappearing into a void, never to be found again. Dammit, he’d sentenced us to fail before we’d even begun. My chest squeezed tighter, leaving me no oxygen. “He left me,” I
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