whispered.
Nikolai nodded, eyes heavy with compassion. “I asked him if he was making the right decision, but he needs to do this.” He gave me a wry smile. “If you knew him like I used to, you’d know he tends to sink into his head to deal with change.”
“Yes, that’s true. He said he didn’t speak for a week when Cha—”I slapped a hand over my mouth. Way to bring up a super touchy subject.
Nikolai froze, his hand jerked out of mine. “He told you? How? When?”
I frowned at the guilt and pain shadowing his face. My heart squeezed for him. In a way, even though Liam lost a sibling, Nikolai lost more. He lost his future when she died. An odd kindred sprang between us—perhaps it was due to being abandoned by Liam when I needed him most, but I knew Nikolai needed someone to be there for him. Unfortunately, that person wouldn’t be me. My emotions were too complex—complicated by a world that never happened.
“Let’s just say I know about what happened, and you need to move on. Or at least let go of your guilt and allow yourself to grieve without berating yourself.” How did this turn from me being the one who needed comforting to offering the support? Dammit, Liam. Where are you? Why the hell had the hospital let him out? My eyes widened at the thought he might not be safe gallivanting around without being cleared by a doctor.
Nikolai didn’t speak, too wrapped up in ghosts of the past.
Jerking him back to the present, I asked, “Do you know where Liam went? What did the doctor say?”
He closed his eyes for a moment before physically shaking himself. “He went to see the overseeing surgeon before I took him where he wanted to go. They’ve referred him to a facility to continue getting care. He’s to stay there until they’re content with the outcome of his surgery.”
“And where did you take him?” Was he deliberately being obtuse? “Did he go back to New Zealand?” I didn’t know about brain injuries, but wouldn’t the pressure of the cabin do something odd? Hell, he’d been in a coma for twenty-two days he should be in bed . Next to me. Healing. Talking. Reminiscing about our unconventional hook-up and planning our future. Tears pressed again but anger helped push them back. If he was strong enough to walk away from me, I was strong enough not to care. Leaving was a cowardly thing to do—and I wouldn’t sit around waiting for him to ‘find me’.
Where did my life go so wrong?
Nikolai must’ve read the tightening of my jaw and concluded I was pissed. He was right. “You can’t hate him for going, Nina. He lost his wings. That’s huge for him. If you know about…” he stopped, but forced himself to continue, “Charlotte, you’ll understand that flying is his way of dodging pain and things he can’t deal with. Without his wings, he doesn’t have anything good in his life. Nothing to offer you. And he needs that. He needs to feel like he can give you everything—including all of him.”
Why the hell did Nikolai care? He spoke so reverently of his ex-best friend, making me feel guilty for not seeing Liam’s ditching me as his defence mechanism and not a weakness. I didn’t want to understand and forgive him. I wanted him here. With me. Now.
Tears escaped my iron will, leaking down my cheeks. “Isn’t that for me to decide? I could’ve helped him. We could have rehabilitated together.”
He shook his head. “Don’t you see? He couldn’t ask you to do that. He needs to find his own way back to who he was. Don’t hate him. He just needs to be alone right now.”
What about me? I didn’t want to be alone.
The door opened again and the one person I never thought to see in the world came in.
Father.
Oh God. What was he doing here? I couldn’t do this. I didn’t have the reserves to deal with another argument.
Nikolai gave me a soft smile. “Don’t give up on him, Nina. He’ll find you when he’s ready.” Giving me one last look, he nodded at the new
Nikolai nodded, eyes heavy with compassion. “I asked him if he was making the right decision, but he needs to do this.” He gave me a wry smile. “If you knew him like I used to, you’d know he tends to sink into his head to deal with change.”
“Yes, that’s true. He said he didn’t speak for a week when Cha—”I slapped a hand over my mouth. Way to bring up a super touchy subject.
Nikolai froze, his hand jerked out of mine. “He told you? How? When?”
I frowned at the guilt and pain shadowing his face. My heart squeezed for him. In a way, even though Liam lost a sibling, Nikolai lost more. He lost his future when she died. An odd kindred sprang between us—perhaps it was due to being abandoned by Liam when I needed him most, but I knew Nikolai needed someone to be there for him. Unfortunately, that person wouldn’t be me. My emotions were too complex—complicated by a world that never happened.
“Let’s just say I know about what happened, and you need to move on. Or at least let go of your guilt and allow yourself to grieve without berating yourself.” How did this turn from me being the one who needed comforting to offering the support? Dammit, Liam. Where are you? Why the hell had the hospital let him out? My eyes widened at the thought he might not be safe gallivanting around without being cleared by a doctor.
Nikolai didn’t speak, too wrapped up in ghosts of the past.
Jerking him back to the present, I asked, “Do you know where Liam went? What did the doctor say?”
He closed his eyes for a moment before physically shaking himself. “He went to see the overseeing surgeon before I took him where he wanted to go. They’ve referred him to a facility to continue getting care. He’s to stay there until they’re content with the outcome of his surgery.”
“And where did you take him?” Was he deliberately being obtuse? “Did he go back to New Zealand?” I didn’t know about brain injuries, but wouldn’t the pressure of the cabin do something odd? Hell, he’d been in a coma for twenty-two days he should be in bed . Next to me. Healing. Talking. Reminiscing about our unconventional hook-up and planning our future. Tears pressed again but anger helped push them back. If he was strong enough to walk away from me, I was strong enough not to care. Leaving was a cowardly thing to do—and I wouldn’t sit around waiting for him to ‘find me’.
Where did my life go so wrong?
Nikolai must’ve read the tightening of my jaw and concluded I was pissed. He was right. “You can’t hate him for going, Nina. He lost his wings. That’s huge for him. If you know about…” he stopped, but forced himself to continue, “Charlotte, you’ll understand that flying is his way of dodging pain and things he can’t deal with. Without his wings, he doesn’t have anything good in his life. Nothing to offer you. And he needs that. He needs to feel like he can give you everything—including all of him.”
Why the hell did Nikolai care? He spoke so reverently of his ex-best friend, making me feel guilty for not seeing Liam’s ditching me as his defence mechanism and not a weakness. I didn’t want to understand and forgive him. I wanted him here. With me. Now.
Tears escaped my iron will, leaking down my cheeks. “Isn’t that for me to decide? I could’ve helped him. We could have rehabilitated together.”
He shook his head. “Don’t you see? He couldn’t ask you to do that. He needs to find his own way back to who he was. Don’t hate him. He just needs to be alone right now.”
What about me? I didn’t want to be alone.
The door opened again and the one person I never thought to see in the world came in.
Father.
Oh God. What was he doing here? I couldn’t do this. I didn’t have the reserves to deal with another argument.
Nikolai gave me a soft smile. “Don’t give up on him, Nina. He’ll find you when he’s ready.” Giving me one last look, he nodded at the new
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