after.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Is she a blood relation?”
He came around to my side of the car.
“Yes? No? What is it, Antonio? Oh, I’m sorry. Did I phrase that as a question?”
I put the car in gear, and he threw himself through my open window. I screamed from the shock of having him between me and the windshield. He yanked the emergency brake.
“Don’t make me drag you out of this car,” he said.
“If you have something to tell me, just tell me. I’m not asking anything.”
“Come inside.”
“No.”
Still leaning through the door, he held the bottom of my face. “I want you. First, I want you.”
“Thanks. I’m glad I’m not a second. You know what? I’m tired of playing in an orchestra. I want to go solo. Now.” I pulled the brake down. “Get out of my car, or half of you is getting torn off when I drive away.”
“It’s not what you think.”
I put the car in drive. “You have no idea what I think.”
I let go of the brake, and even though I couldn’t see through Antonio’s gorgeous body, I drove. He cursed and pulled out of the window. I turned onto the street and left him behind.
fifteen.
hat’s your problem?” Katrina asked three days later.
We were on set in Elysian Park from seven a.m. to three p.m. on a weekend, and the light had been consistently softened by clouds. I shrugged. I had no idea what she was talking about. I still had to go through the other script supervisor’s notes.
She put her knee on the park bench where I had set up my files. “You got a frown.” She formed her hand into a claw and pivoted her wrist as if turning a knob on my face. “It needs an inversion.”
Pam had called it a sourpuss, and I’d given her the same answer. “I’m fine. Just a cold.”
“Bullshit.” She was fatigued. The days were very long, and she had confided that she was losing faith that it would ever be a movie. It was a common malady at the seventy-five percent mark. “I don’t have time to needle it out of you because in two minutes, someone is going to come here asking me which shirt Michael should wear, and I’ll have to convince them I care. So tell me.”
I slapped the clipboard on the table. “The Italian guy. He gave every indication he didn’t want me close. I slept with him twice, neither time in an actual bed, and I’m an idiot for being shocked that I wasn’t the only one he was with. So no, I expected nothing from him. But maybe once, for kicks, I’d like someone to be exclusive for fifteen minutes.”
“Ah.”
“Fuck it. I don’t care.”
She stood still for a second then said, “Did you just say what I think you said?”
I flipped through my pages without looking at her. “Go direct a movie. You make me crazy.”
She stepped away from the table, walking backward to the camera. When she was far enough away, I checked my phone. That text was the first I’d heard from Antonio since I almost tore him in half with my car.
—I’d like to speak with you—
—I’m all out of questions—
—I’ll do the talking—
What was he promising? More non-answers? That game was old. Either he would be forthcoming or he wouldn’t, and the more he promised to reveal who he really was, the less appealing he became. I needed overall sincerity. I needed intimacy. I didn’t need a sex doll, no matter how good the sex was.
—No. I’m sorry. I’m done with this—
—But I’m not—
I shuddered and pocketed the phone. I wasn’t going to encourage him.
Michael threw himself into the chair next to me, his lithe, tight body encased in a henley and grey jeans. “Heard that conversation back there.”
“And you have the answer?”
“I have an answer. Wanna hear it?” He raised his eyebrows as if he was offering candy. He was a handsome guy, and twice as fine on camera.
“Sure.”
“It’s not you, it’s him.”
I laughed.
Michael leaned forward. “I mean it. Look, I’m… let’s say active. It’s not the girls.
“It’s not what you think.”
“Is she a blood relation?”
He came around to my side of the car.
“Yes? No? What is it, Antonio? Oh, I’m sorry. Did I phrase that as a question?”
I put the car in gear, and he threw himself through my open window. I screamed from the shock of having him between me and the windshield. He yanked the emergency brake.
“Don’t make me drag you out of this car,” he said.
“If you have something to tell me, just tell me. I’m not asking anything.”
“Come inside.”
“No.”
Still leaning through the door, he held the bottom of my face. “I want you. First, I want you.”
“Thanks. I’m glad I’m not a second. You know what? I’m tired of playing in an orchestra. I want to go solo. Now.” I pulled the brake down. “Get out of my car, or half of you is getting torn off when I drive away.”
“It’s not what you think.”
I put the car in drive. “You have no idea what I think.”
I let go of the brake, and even though I couldn’t see through Antonio’s gorgeous body, I drove. He cursed and pulled out of the window. I turned onto the street and left him behind.
fifteen.
hat’s your problem?” Katrina asked three days later.
We were on set in Elysian Park from seven a.m. to three p.m. on a weekend, and the light had been consistently softened by clouds. I shrugged. I had no idea what she was talking about. I still had to go through the other script supervisor’s notes.
She put her knee on the park bench where I had set up my files. “You got a frown.” She formed her hand into a claw and pivoted her wrist as if turning a knob on my face. “It needs an inversion.”
Pam had called it a sourpuss, and I’d given her the same answer. “I’m fine. Just a cold.”
“Bullshit.” She was fatigued. The days were very long, and she had confided that she was losing faith that it would ever be a movie. It was a common malady at the seventy-five percent mark. “I don’t have time to needle it out of you because in two minutes, someone is going to come here asking me which shirt Michael should wear, and I’ll have to convince them I care. So tell me.”
I slapped the clipboard on the table. “The Italian guy. He gave every indication he didn’t want me close. I slept with him twice, neither time in an actual bed, and I’m an idiot for being shocked that I wasn’t the only one he was with. So no, I expected nothing from him. But maybe once, for kicks, I’d like someone to be exclusive for fifteen minutes.”
“Ah.”
“Fuck it. I don’t care.”
She stood still for a second then said, “Did you just say what I think you said?”
I flipped through my pages without looking at her. “Go direct a movie. You make me crazy.”
She stepped away from the table, walking backward to the camera. When she was far enough away, I checked my phone. That text was the first I’d heard from Antonio since I almost tore him in half with my car.
—I’d like to speak with you—
—I’m all out of questions—
—I’ll do the talking—
What was he promising? More non-answers? That game was old. Either he would be forthcoming or he wouldn’t, and the more he promised to reveal who he really was, the less appealing he became. I needed overall sincerity. I needed intimacy. I didn’t need a sex doll, no matter how good the sex was.
—No. I’m sorry. I’m done with this—
—But I’m not—
I shuddered and pocketed the phone. I wasn’t going to encourage him.
Michael threw himself into the chair next to me, his lithe, tight body encased in a henley and grey jeans. “Heard that conversation back there.”
“And you have the answer?”
“I have an answer. Wanna hear it?” He raised his eyebrows as if he was offering candy. He was a handsome guy, and twice as fine on camera.
“Sure.”
“It’s not you, it’s him.”
I laughed.
Michael leaned forward. “I mean it. Look, I’m… let’s say active. It’s not the girls.
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