Chasing Superwoman by Susan DiMickele

could be a top-notch lawyer and a devoted mother.
    I started to ask some of the young mothers in the church if they could help me make sense of how the world of law and motherhood might fit together. Reactions were mixed.
    A few told me that “It will just be a few years while your kids are young,” and “Maybe you can work part-time and still practice law while you have a family.” One woman even told me about a woman in the church who had a law degree. She decided to edit legal books in her spare time so that she could maintain her skills while staying home with her family. After all, “What’s more important, your career or your family?”
    It didn’t sound promising. Apparently, I had to choose between my family and my career. Spiritual women obviously put their families first. Selfish woman put their kids in day care, putting their careers before their children. Was I that selfish? Maybe my heart was not the heart of a mother. The bar seemed higher than I could reach.
    I wanted desperately for other women of faith to tell me that I’d be okay. That they had walked a similar path. That they too had doubts, but in the end their children turned out just fine. But like me, everyone else had questions, but no real answers. So I decided to leave the church that told me I had to choose between being a lawyer or a mom. I just didn’t want to argue about it. And I didn’t want to be judged. It was easier to walk away.
    Role Models
    Don’t get me wrong. I had wonderful role models growing up in the church. But all of the esteemed women in our church spent the best hours of their days with their children, and when the children were in school, they had time to volunteer, engage in community activities, and otherwise manage the affairs of their homes. A few of them worked full time outside their homes, for financial necessity, and we all felt sorry for them because they “had to” work.
    Even outside the church, none of my close friends had mothers with careers. Some of our moms had jobs, and my own mother went to work for a retail clothing store when I was in grade school. My father always joked that she spent her entire paycheck on clothing (and it cost her more to work than to stay home) but she helped put five kids through college and found some independence in the process, even though she continued to maintain complete and sole responsibility for the domestic affairs of our home.
    It’s been almost twenty years since I’ve heard the church denigrate working mothers so passionately. But sometimes I wonder how far we’ve come.
    Lots of women in my church work these days, but most of us still feel the guilt. It’s one thing to work outside the home, but being a partner in a big law firm is a little much, even for me sometimes. Maybe I shouldn’t be working in such a demanding career, and I should be spending more time at home. But please save that debate for another day and another book. The fact is, I’m working. I’m working a lot. And while I love my church, I also love my work. But I still can’t seem to get connected to other like-minded women. Lots of us are in desperate need of mentoring, but we don’t have the foggiest clue where or when we will find the time.
    I thought about contacting my church’s support group for working moms. Then I realized we don’t have one. The last time I looked at the church bulletin I saw a bunch of play groups and daytime coffees. Of course a few Bible studies meet after my workday, but try telling three small kids you haven’t seen all day that you are leaving again to go to church. It doesn’t go over well.
    That’s probably why our church doesn’t have a support group for working moms. There’s just no good time to meet. I know I’m not alone; sometimes it just feels that way. Try billing over two thousand hours a year while maintaining a healthy marriage and family of