secretary and treasurer. After having Nick, I just couldnât do it anymore. The group soon disbanded. So I gave up.
I learned a lot in the process, and I know that, despite my fear of failure, I should probably start a new group for working moms with the support of my church. Iâve already had a handful of women approach me. One thingâs for sure, the next time around Iâll pray first, put other people in leadership roles, and make sure itâs not just about me.
Coming Full Circle
I know God has a sense of humor because He keeps trying to speak to me out loud when Iâm in my office. No kidding. Lady Lawyer was sitting at her desk trying to bill some hours when I received an email from a former church leader Iâll call John. Yes, this is the same church that proclaimed over ten years ago that day care would usher in the second coming of Christ. Sure, it probably didnât mean to link Armageddon and working mothers, but I certainly hadnât forgotten its words. I felt a lump in my throat as I began to read the email. It included an apology. Totally unexpected. John told me he was very sorry for having a negative reaction to my professional goals. Not only did he apologize, he went on to say that his black-and-white thinking was wrong and a misrepresentation of the Lord. He finished the email by proclaiming, âIâm sure you had the wisdom to ignore a fool. I thank God for His grace once again!â
I was completely dumbfounded. Why me, and why now? Doug and I hadnât been part of that church in over a decade. We had left behind some dear friends and had many good memories together, but when we left, our friendships became a thing of the past. While we were hurt by the rejection, the experience had made us stronger in many ways, and time has a way of healing old wounds. Even back then, no one really knew how much I had been hurt. I probably should have told JohnâDoug and I were close to him and his wife and he would have listened and maybe even understoodâbut I just wasnât strong enough. I certainly never expected him to apologize. Especially not now. But somehow, God knew that I needed to hear his words. Like me, John hadnât figured everything out either. Like me, he needed grace.
I closed my door and wept. With my luck, one of my colleagues would knock on my door any minute and find Lady Lawyer in a puddle of tears. I just wanted to be alone and escape from my office, at least until I could pull myself together. This was just too complicated to explain to Harvard Bill or even Jock Jill and I longed to be in the privacy of my own home. I thought I was over the rejection I had felt from the church so many years ago, but the truth is, I wasnât. I had been carrying it with me too long, and I had to let it go.
Iâve come to realize that the church is full of imperfect people, just like me, who are trying to give their best to God and havenât quite figured out what that looks like day by day. Iâve also come to realize that pulling away from the church isnât the answer. Working mothers need to be part of the heart and soul of the church, and the church needs to be part of the heart and soul of working mothers. The fact is, we need each other, and God created us to live in fellowship, not isolation. Yes, itâs going to take some patience and creativityâlike late-night Bible studies and early morning email prayer chainsâbut no working mother should feel that sheâs not welcome inside the church. Itâs going to take more people like Nonjudging Janeâpeople who donât draw lines in the sand, but instead stand beside us as we try to be excellent workers and devoted mothers. And itâs going to take more of us who are working mothersâmothers who have celebrated successes but have learned from failuresâto share our experiences with other women and encourage each other as we grow and learn
I learned a lot in the process, and I know that, despite my fear of failure, I should probably start a new group for working moms with the support of my church. Iâve already had a handful of women approach me. One thingâs for sure, the next time around Iâll pray first, put other people in leadership roles, and make sure itâs not just about me.
Coming Full Circle
I know God has a sense of humor because He keeps trying to speak to me out loud when Iâm in my office. No kidding. Lady Lawyer was sitting at her desk trying to bill some hours when I received an email from a former church leader Iâll call John. Yes, this is the same church that proclaimed over ten years ago that day care would usher in the second coming of Christ. Sure, it probably didnât mean to link Armageddon and working mothers, but I certainly hadnât forgotten its words. I felt a lump in my throat as I began to read the email. It included an apology. Totally unexpected. John told me he was very sorry for having a negative reaction to my professional goals. Not only did he apologize, he went on to say that his black-and-white thinking was wrong and a misrepresentation of the Lord. He finished the email by proclaiming, âIâm sure you had the wisdom to ignore a fool. I thank God for His grace once again!â
I was completely dumbfounded. Why me, and why now? Doug and I hadnât been part of that church in over a decade. We had left behind some dear friends and had many good memories together, but when we left, our friendships became a thing of the past. While we were hurt by the rejection, the experience had made us stronger in many ways, and time has a way of healing old wounds. Even back then, no one really knew how much I had been hurt. I probably should have told JohnâDoug and I were close to him and his wife and he would have listened and maybe even understoodâbut I just wasnât strong enough. I certainly never expected him to apologize. Especially not now. But somehow, God knew that I needed to hear his words. Like me, John hadnât figured everything out either. Like me, he needed grace.
I closed my door and wept. With my luck, one of my colleagues would knock on my door any minute and find Lady Lawyer in a puddle of tears. I just wanted to be alone and escape from my office, at least until I could pull myself together. This was just too complicated to explain to Harvard Bill or even Jock Jill and I longed to be in the privacy of my own home. I thought I was over the rejection I had felt from the church so many years ago, but the truth is, I wasnât. I had been carrying it with me too long, and I had to let it go.
Iâve come to realize that the church is full of imperfect people, just like me, who are trying to give their best to God and havenât quite figured out what that looks like day by day. Iâve also come to realize that pulling away from the church isnât the answer. Working mothers need to be part of the heart and soul of the church, and the church needs to be part of the heart and soul of working mothers. The fact is, we need each other, and God created us to live in fellowship, not isolation. Yes, itâs going to take some patience and creativityâlike late-night Bible studies and early morning email prayer chainsâbut no working mother should feel that sheâs not welcome inside the church. Itâs going to take more people like Nonjudging Janeâpeople who donât draw lines in the sand, but instead stand beside us as we try to be excellent workers and devoted mothers. And itâs going to take more of us who are working mothersâmothers who have celebrated successes but have learned from failuresâto share our experiences with other women and encourage each other as we grow and learn
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