Broken by Tanille Edwards

it. Who could I tell? When you’re in love, who is there when your heart gets broken?
    Who was going to take care of me? I needed my mother so much it just hurt more. Nothing was right and it didn’t seem like it would ever be right again. I just didn’t know why I had to get my heart broken. I could imagine telling Sierra how I felt and her looking at me and telling me my life was perfect. Or if someone like me got hurt there was no hope. Beauty meant nothing in love. I wanted a free pass for once. Life owed me something. I didn’t have Mama. Everything was supposed to go my way. I needed him so desperately it didn’t make sense. But was love supposed to make sense? How could something that felt so right be wrong? How could it be wrong?
    I was embarrassed a little. Mostly because I had failed. I wiped the tears off my face with my sleeve. I smiled at the librarian on my way out.
    I took a cab all the way home. The cab driver tried to give me smack about driving so far into the city and getting back. I just paid him whatever he asked for. I wasn’t about to stomach anymore of Metro-North than I had to.

Chapter 10 Let the Season Begin
    The first day of school was an awkward day, at best. The good thing was that you always knew what to wear—uniform. Ahhh , but the shoes. My affair with shoes was just beginning. My favorite black Mary Janes I got at a small boutique west of Sixth Avenue in the village.
    There was something in the air. Everyone was different. Everyone was kind of preoccupied. Just one more year until our real lives began. College applications were right around the corner for some. I’d signed up for a record number of AP classes. I didn’t know when I thought I would study for them. I almost always fell asleep on the jet. My schedule was starting to concern me. I had three shoots booked for this week alone, and two were in the Caribbean. Lisa said things were starting to really heat up and that this year would be red-hot. I had eight Fashion Week shows for next week. I was glad—the distraction would help me forget Connecticut.
    Before I knew it, everyone in my fifth period class was packing their bags. The bell must have rung. I snapped up my Bio textbook and my clutch bag.
    I felt out of place—like life was moving at light speed and I was just trotting along in slow motion. Yesterday, I had felt like I finally knew love. Just daydreaming about Noel felt like something inside me was finally free. It was like I was breathing again after almost drowning. In my mind, he would love me no matter who I was, or what I looked like, or if I burped, or made a bad joke. Just knowing this made me feel better. Until yesterday, that is.
    Today, I was out of place and confused. I needed time to regroup. Once, I knew how it felt to love, how every breath felt like pure bliss. The mere thought of closing my heart to all of that triggered the onset of tears. I had thought, for sure, without a doubt inmy heart, that we were meant to be together forever. There would be no one that could love me like him, I just knew it. I couldn’t prove it, though. If I thought I could, I would have said something when I saw him kissing that other girl. But I was just a coward.
    How did one go about casting love out of their heart once they had known it? Merek. He always came to my mind when I felt like I was caught in a quandary about Noel. I did feel something like love for Merek. I often reminded myself of that so I wouldn’t feel guilty for loving Noel differently. I chose. I loved Noel first, and he was ripped from my life. I didn’t break up. I didn’t send him away. It was so easy to love him. How could I stop?
    I was on my way to lunch, caught in a haze. Walking like a zombie, staring into space, I edged closer and closer to the cafeteria entrance. I thought I was sorting things out. When I asked myself, I thought, he’s happy with me. He reminded me of when—well, there