was wondering if, you know, if you’ve given any thought to playing your violin again?”
I shake my head. “Nope, honestly I don’t really miss it. That’s kind of sad, huh? Maybe someday I will. Who knows? I just can’t right now.” It reminds of Grace too much. It hurts too much.
“Okay.” It’s sad. “It’s just that the world’s a more beautiful place when you play. That’s all I’m saying.” He pauses and when I don’t speak he continues . “So what’s happening in your world? How’s school, work, the stripper, the gimp?”
I’m relieved by the topic change and I laugh. “School’s great, I still can’t believe I’m actually here. And work’s rad. You’d love the girl I work with, Shelly. She’s kind of angry on the outside and sweet on the inside.”
“Right on. Sounds like my kind of girl.”
“The stripper is, well ... the stripper is, how shall I put this politely?”
“Politely ? Shit, that’s never stopped you before. Give it to me.”
“The stripper has a fairly active sex life. In our dorm room. I witnessed it firsthand.”
“Firsthand? Minnesota is turning you into some sort of sexual deviant. You watched? Next you’re gonna tell me you’re making pornos with the gimp across the hall.”
“Dude, I walked in on her. I was fucking mortified. She swears like a champion, even mid-thrust.”
He tips his chair back he’s laughing so hard. “No way! That’s too funny.”
“Yeah, well, not so funny when I’m the jackass marching in on her. And another thing, correct me if I’m wrong, but when you go to some chick’s place for a horizontal workout you don’t stick around to snuggle it out the rest of the night, right?”
He’s still laughing. “Dude, that’s One Night Stand 101. You get your ass out of there as soon as the deed is done.” He stops laughing. “Wait. Back the bus up. Where did you spend the night while she was playing sleepover?”
“Oh, Clayton let me sleep with him.”
His face is suddenly dead serious. “Whoa, is Clayton the gay neighbor or the leather-clad perv?”
“Clayton is definitely one hundred percent homosexual.”
He’s taken on this fatherly tone, “Bright Side, you can’t just crash in a room with two dudes you just met.”
“Gus, they’re completely harmless. Baby kittens are scarier than these two.”
He runs his fingers through his hair and pulls it back into a ponytail; he’s getting frustrated with me. He always plays with his hair when he’s frustrated. “Bright Side, listen to me, you have no idea how fucking gorgeous you are, or the effect you have on guys. They want to get in your panties the instant they see you. And then they fucking fall in love with you after they spend five minutes with you.” He huffs. I know another cigarette is coming any second now. “All I’m saying is you have to be careful, all right?”
I roll my eyes. “Exaggerate much? Gus, you’re talking to Kate Sedgwick, remember? I don’t date. And I know how to ward off unwanted advances.”
He shakes his head. “You couldn’t ward off a rape, Bright Side. You weigh a hundred pounds soaking wet. Just please promise me that you’ll be safe and watch out for yourself. If some son of a bitch forced himself on you … fuck . I’d have to come to Minnesota and commit murder and I’m pretty sure prison isn’t in MFDM’s game plan.”
“Gus—”
He interrupts. “You’re going to get a lot of attention up there. Guys are going to be throwing themselves at you. Be selective … because you deserve so much more than some random dude fucking you in the back of a van or your best friend in his mom’s guest room.”
That about sums up my sexual past. There have only been a few guys and I was selective. I’m not a slut, I was opportunistic. Once and done, no strings attached, no apologies. I enjoyed all of them. But Gus was different. He wasn’t planned, but he’s also far from random. And this is somehow now about him.
I shake my head. “Nope, honestly I don’t really miss it. That’s kind of sad, huh? Maybe someday I will. Who knows? I just can’t right now.” It reminds of Grace too much. It hurts too much.
“Okay.” It’s sad. “It’s just that the world’s a more beautiful place when you play. That’s all I’m saying.” He pauses and when I don’t speak he continues . “So what’s happening in your world? How’s school, work, the stripper, the gimp?”
I’m relieved by the topic change and I laugh. “School’s great, I still can’t believe I’m actually here. And work’s rad. You’d love the girl I work with, Shelly. She’s kind of angry on the outside and sweet on the inside.”
“Right on. Sounds like my kind of girl.”
“The stripper is, well ... the stripper is, how shall I put this politely?”
“Politely ? Shit, that’s never stopped you before. Give it to me.”
“The stripper has a fairly active sex life. In our dorm room. I witnessed it firsthand.”
“Firsthand? Minnesota is turning you into some sort of sexual deviant. You watched? Next you’re gonna tell me you’re making pornos with the gimp across the hall.”
“Dude, I walked in on her. I was fucking mortified. She swears like a champion, even mid-thrust.”
He tips his chair back he’s laughing so hard. “No way! That’s too funny.”
“Yeah, well, not so funny when I’m the jackass marching in on her. And another thing, correct me if I’m wrong, but when you go to some chick’s place for a horizontal workout you don’t stick around to snuggle it out the rest of the night, right?”
He’s still laughing. “Dude, that’s One Night Stand 101. You get your ass out of there as soon as the deed is done.” He stops laughing. “Wait. Back the bus up. Where did you spend the night while she was playing sleepover?”
“Oh, Clayton let me sleep with him.”
His face is suddenly dead serious. “Whoa, is Clayton the gay neighbor or the leather-clad perv?”
“Clayton is definitely one hundred percent homosexual.”
He’s taken on this fatherly tone, “Bright Side, you can’t just crash in a room with two dudes you just met.”
“Gus, they’re completely harmless. Baby kittens are scarier than these two.”
He runs his fingers through his hair and pulls it back into a ponytail; he’s getting frustrated with me. He always plays with his hair when he’s frustrated. “Bright Side, listen to me, you have no idea how fucking gorgeous you are, or the effect you have on guys. They want to get in your panties the instant they see you. And then they fucking fall in love with you after they spend five minutes with you.” He huffs. I know another cigarette is coming any second now. “All I’m saying is you have to be careful, all right?”
I roll my eyes. “Exaggerate much? Gus, you’re talking to Kate Sedgwick, remember? I don’t date. And I know how to ward off unwanted advances.”
He shakes his head. “You couldn’t ward off a rape, Bright Side. You weigh a hundred pounds soaking wet. Just please promise me that you’ll be safe and watch out for yourself. If some son of a bitch forced himself on you … fuck . I’d have to come to Minnesota and commit murder and I’m pretty sure prison isn’t in MFDM’s game plan.”
“Gus—”
He interrupts. “You’re going to get a lot of attention up there. Guys are going to be throwing themselves at you. Be selective … because you deserve so much more than some random dude fucking you in the back of a van or your best friend in his mom’s guest room.”
That about sums up my sexual past. There have only been a few guys and I was selective. I’m not a slut, I was opportunistic. Once and done, no strings attached, no apologies. I enjoyed all of them. But Gus was different. He wasn’t planned, but he’s also far from random. And this is somehow now about him.
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