the blast threw me halfway underneath the shaded porch, so the shrapnel only hit the back of one leg and a little bit of my side.
I skimmed the messages until another caught my attention.
Bella: I thought that maybe my sister was okay. But she was gone too. I was pretty wrecked.
DonnyBoy: I’m sorry.
Bella: Hey, nothing years of therapy couldn’t fix.
But I could see the pain beneath her flip words. Years to get over our deaths.
I reached out as if to touch the screen.
DonnyBoy: Geez. I’m sorry.
Bella: The worst part was my parents were arguing before they left.
DonnyBoy: Was it something important?
Bella: About some tie company or something like that. It doesn’t sound important now, but they were really angry.
DonnyBoy: That sucks.
Bella: I’ll tell you what. It taught me one important lesson. I never go away angry. And I never go to bed angry. Speaking of bed. better go. Big test tomorrow.
“Hey. You okay?” Lucas jarred me out of my memories. I jerked my head up to see him standing in front of the computer, keys in hand.
“Fine.” I cleared out the computer, fiddled with the software to erase my footprints.
He glanced around the crowded highway stop. “Ready?”
I checked the watch on my wrist. I’d gone over the allotted time. “Yeah.”
I rubbed the center of my breastbone. Near my heart. I ached with a fierce, intense regret.
“What’s wrong?” Lucas’s blunt question jerked me back to the present again.
I didn’t answer.
I hadn’t had time to get quiet and morose the last time I checked on Bella. No time to fall into my usual funk after touching the fringes of her life. Like the whisper of a ghost, she never even knew I was there.
I knew it was for her own good.
But deep down inside, in that place I barely acknowledged existed, I ached for real contact.
A real hug. A real conversation.
Lucas slid his fingers down my forearm until he rested his hand against my palm and meshed our fingers, twining us together.
That simple human touch undid me.
I wanted, I craved, I would have bled to keep the warmth of his hand in mine.
To show him that bit of vulnerability, that little weakness, was unacceptable.
“Just tired.” I disengaged our hands and fought the urge to rub my palm over my breastbone again. “Let’s get going. I need to find an Office Depot.”
“Don’t you like to live dangerously.”
I smiled as he wanted me to do, knowing full well the danger lay not in doing my job, but in wanting his touch.
***
We’d been traveling for hours. The GPS system had no Office Depots or Staples for over two hundred miles. We were almost at the Nevada/Utah border.
I wanted to call Carson. Now.
Again Lucas seemed to read my mind. He gestured to a bin on the wall in the rear of the van. “Use one of my extras.”
I was tempted, but something held me back. I didn’t want anyone to trace me to Lucas. I wasn’t sure if I was protecting him–or leaving myself an out.
Finally I found an office supply store near West Wendover.
I fiddled with the GPS system, searching for an average street name. First Avenue. I plugged in the street name then looked around for a house number.
McDonald’s–58 Billion Served.
58 First Avenue.
Worked for me.
I needed a first name. “What was the name of your first girlfriend?”
He closed his eyes, and with a reminiscent little half smile, he patted his open palm over his heart. “Sarah McBride.”
Was she really that great? I should ignore him but somehow, in that second, the need to know was greater than my need to show indifference. “Was she really that great?”
“There’s nothing like your first romantic love.” Lucas stared at me for a minute. “Come on. You can’t tell me that you don’t remember.”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to remember.
“Who was your first boyfriend?”
Jorge Somebody. The reason I’d been throwing a tantrum. Jorge had wanted to take me out, without a bodyguard and my father had said no. It
I skimmed the messages until another caught my attention.
Bella: I thought that maybe my sister was okay. But she was gone too. I was pretty wrecked.
DonnyBoy: I’m sorry.
Bella: Hey, nothing years of therapy couldn’t fix.
But I could see the pain beneath her flip words. Years to get over our deaths.
I reached out as if to touch the screen.
DonnyBoy: Geez. I’m sorry.
Bella: The worst part was my parents were arguing before they left.
DonnyBoy: Was it something important?
Bella: About some tie company or something like that. It doesn’t sound important now, but they were really angry.
DonnyBoy: That sucks.
Bella: I’ll tell you what. It taught me one important lesson. I never go away angry. And I never go to bed angry. Speaking of bed. better go. Big test tomorrow.
“Hey. You okay?” Lucas jarred me out of my memories. I jerked my head up to see him standing in front of the computer, keys in hand.
“Fine.” I cleared out the computer, fiddled with the software to erase my footprints.
He glanced around the crowded highway stop. “Ready?”
I checked the watch on my wrist. I’d gone over the allotted time. “Yeah.”
I rubbed the center of my breastbone. Near my heart. I ached with a fierce, intense regret.
“What’s wrong?” Lucas’s blunt question jerked me back to the present again.
I didn’t answer.
I hadn’t had time to get quiet and morose the last time I checked on Bella. No time to fall into my usual funk after touching the fringes of her life. Like the whisper of a ghost, she never even knew I was there.
I knew it was for her own good.
But deep down inside, in that place I barely acknowledged existed, I ached for real contact.
A real hug. A real conversation.
Lucas slid his fingers down my forearm until he rested his hand against my palm and meshed our fingers, twining us together.
That simple human touch undid me.
I wanted, I craved, I would have bled to keep the warmth of his hand in mine.
To show him that bit of vulnerability, that little weakness, was unacceptable.
“Just tired.” I disengaged our hands and fought the urge to rub my palm over my breastbone again. “Let’s get going. I need to find an Office Depot.”
“Don’t you like to live dangerously.”
I smiled as he wanted me to do, knowing full well the danger lay not in doing my job, but in wanting his touch.
***
We’d been traveling for hours. The GPS system had no Office Depots or Staples for over two hundred miles. We were almost at the Nevada/Utah border.
I wanted to call Carson. Now.
Again Lucas seemed to read my mind. He gestured to a bin on the wall in the rear of the van. “Use one of my extras.”
I was tempted, but something held me back. I didn’t want anyone to trace me to Lucas. I wasn’t sure if I was protecting him–or leaving myself an out.
Finally I found an office supply store near West Wendover.
I fiddled with the GPS system, searching for an average street name. First Avenue. I plugged in the street name then looked around for a house number.
McDonald’s–58 Billion Served.
58 First Avenue.
Worked for me.
I needed a first name. “What was the name of your first girlfriend?”
He closed his eyes, and with a reminiscent little half smile, he patted his open palm over his heart. “Sarah McBride.”
Was she really that great? I should ignore him but somehow, in that second, the need to know was greater than my need to show indifference. “Was she really that great?”
“There’s nothing like your first romantic love.” Lucas stared at me for a minute. “Come on. You can’t tell me that you don’t remember.”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to remember.
“Who was your first boyfriend?”
Jorge Somebody. The reason I’d been throwing a tantrum. Jorge had wanted to take me out, without a bodyguard and my father had said no. It
Similar Books
