“I can’t bear it.”
I looked down at the bloodstain on my chest, and I began to tremble so violently that a nurse rushed over and injected a needle into my arm, letting the cool contents of the syringe seep into my vein. As my body went limp, I lay trapped inside my mind, haunted by the baby I would never know and the husband who I feared blamed me for it.
Chapter 9
V ERA
I t had been six days since he’d vanished, six days since the heavens had draped the city in a veil of white and changed my world forever. I searched the streets by day and held vigil in Caroline’s tiny apartment by night, praying, hoping.
“Eva!” Caroline barked as she walked through the door shortly before seven a.m. She looked tired, ashen. Twelve-hour night shifts in the factory without a single break. “Go get Mama a wedge of cheese from the icebox,” she said, setting her purse down before slumping onto the floor by the fireplace. I inched my legs up to make room for her on the sofa, but she didn’t notice, or maybe she was simply too fatigued to pick herself up again.
“But Mama.” Eva looked at me nervously, and then back at her mother.
“Eva, what did I say? Bring me the cheese.” Caroline turned to me and extended her right hand. It trembled so violently I shuddered. “Payday’s not till tomorrow. I haven’t eaten since yesterday.” She pointed to the window. “If that damn snow would just stop, already.”
“But Mama,” Eva squeaked. “Aunt Vera…
ate
the cheese.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said to Caroline before she could respond. “There wasn’t anything left. I gave Eva most of it. There was only a bite, and I…”
Caroline tucked her knees to her chest and buried her face in her hands. “It’s OK. It’s OK.” A dry, lonely sob seeped through the cracks in her fingers. “I don’t know how much longer we can go on like this. The rent. The food. I’ll have to go knocking on Mrs. Harris’s door again. You should have seen the way she looked at me last week when I asked to borrow a few slices of bread. I haven’t been able to get milk for months. Eva deserves milk.” She looked up suddenly, and wiped her tears with her sleeve. “Look at me, blubbering on like this when you’ve lost…”
I knelt down by my old friend. She was gaunt, with hollow cheeks and a distant gaze—such a contrast to the woman I’d known just four years prior, the woman who’d had the world in the palm of her hand. No, I couldn’t stay. Not any longer. The last thing Caroline needed was another mouth to feed.
“It’s time I go,” I said, reaching for my sweater hanging on a rusty nail in the wall.
“No!” Caroline cried, standing up quickly. She grabbed my arm, urging me back to the couch. “I won’t hear of it. You have nowhere else to go. You’re staying put.”
I shook my head. “Listen, you can barely feed Eva, let alone me. Besides, I need to go back.”
“What about your landlord?”
“I’ll figure something out,” I said vaguely. “I need to be there for Daniel when he comes home.” My heart lightened when I said the words.
Of course he’ll come home.
I imagined my little boy walking through the door, smiling in the way that revealed the tinydimple on his chin. He’d run to me, and I’d press my nose against his forehead, his soft blond curls soaking up my tears. It was all a big mix-up, he’d explain. He’d seen the snow, he’d tell me, and gotten lost. A kind family had taken him in until the storm passed. They’d been good to him, given him a warm bed. And hot chocolate. I smiled to myself.
“Oh, honey,” Caroline cried. “I want to believe that Daniel is coming home; Lord knows I do. But at some point you’re going to have to—”
“No!” I snapped, closing my eyes tightly. I took a deep, calming breath. “He will come home. I
know
it.”
I walked to the door and grasped the doorknob. Just before I stepped outside, I felt a soft tug at my dress.
“Aunt Vera?” Eva
I looked down at the bloodstain on my chest, and I began to tremble so violently that a nurse rushed over and injected a needle into my arm, letting the cool contents of the syringe seep into my vein. As my body went limp, I lay trapped inside my mind, haunted by the baby I would never know and the husband who I feared blamed me for it.
Chapter 9
V ERA
I t had been six days since he’d vanished, six days since the heavens had draped the city in a veil of white and changed my world forever. I searched the streets by day and held vigil in Caroline’s tiny apartment by night, praying, hoping.
“Eva!” Caroline barked as she walked through the door shortly before seven a.m. She looked tired, ashen. Twelve-hour night shifts in the factory without a single break. “Go get Mama a wedge of cheese from the icebox,” she said, setting her purse down before slumping onto the floor by the fireplace. I inched my legs up to make room for her on the sofa, but she didn’t notice, or maybe she was simply too fatigued to pick herself up again.
“But Mama.” Eva looked at me nervously, and then back at her mother.
“Eva, what did I say? Bring me the cheese.” Caroline turned to me and extended her right hand. It trembled so violently I shuddered. “Payday’s not till tomorrow. I haven’t eaten since yesterday.” She pointed to the window. “If that damn snow would just stop, already.”
“But Mama,” Eva squeaked. “Aunt Vera…
ate
the cheese.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said to Caroline before she could respond. “There wasn’t anything left. I gave Eva most of it. There was only a bite, and I…”
Caroline tucked her knees to her chest and buried her face in her hands. “It’s OK. It’s OK.” A dry, lonely sob seeped through the cracks in her fingers. “I don’t know how much longer we can go on like this. The rent. The food. I’ll have to go knocking on Mrs. Harris’s door again. You should have seen the way she looked at me last week when I asked to borrow a few slices of bread. I haven’t been able to get milk for months. Eva deserves milk.” She looked up suddenly, and wiped her tears with her sleeve. “Look at me, blubbering on like this when you’ve lost…”
I knelt down by my old friend. She was gaunt, with hollow cheeks and a distant gaze—such a contrast to the woman I’d known just four years prior, the woman who’d had the world in the palm of her hand. No, I couldn’t stay. Not any longer. The last thing Caroline needed was another mouth to feed.
“It’s time I go,” I said, reaching for my sweater hanging on a rusty nail in the wall.
“No!” Caroline cried, standing up quickly. She grabbed my arm, urging me back to the couch. “I won’t hear of it. You have nowhere else to go. You’re staying put.”
I shook my head. “Listen, you can barely feed Eva, let alone me. Besides, I need to go back.”
“What about your landlord?”
“I’ll figure something out,” I said vaguely. “I need to be there for Daniel when he comes home.” My heart lightened when I said the words.
Of course he’ll come home.
I imagined my little boy walking through the door, smiling in the way that revealed the tinydimple on his chin. He’d run to me, and I’d press my nose against his forehead, his soft blond curls soaking up my tears. It was all a big mix-up, he’d explain. He’d seen the snow, he’d tell me, and gotten lost. A kind family had taken him in until the storm passed. They’d been good to him, given him a warm bed. And hot chocolate. I smiled to myself.
“Oh, honey,” Caroline cried. “I want to believe that Daniel is coming home; Lord knows I do. But at some point you’re going to have to—”
“No!” I snapped, closing my eyes tightly. I took a deep, calming breath. “He will come home. I
know
it.”
I walked to the door and grasped the doorknob. Just before I stepped outside, I felt a soft tug at my dress.
“Aunt Vera?” Eva
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