just scooped out what was supposed to be in there. Next, I had to remind myself that somehow I’d screwed up things with the only person who made me feel almost whole again. I was used to screwing up, hell; I was good at it even. I could probably win awards for screwing good things up. The difference between this situation and the others was that I could usually look back and figure out where I went wrong. This time, I still had no fucking clue. I sat up on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. I guess I was hoping for a big sign to appear with an arrow that pointed to whatever had offended her and said, “This is why she left.” No such luck. I walked over and looked out the window. It was a nice day, the sun was shining. That just pissed me off more for some reason. I guess I wanted the weather to be as gloomy as I felt. How fucking dare the sun shine when I was feeling like shit? I guess if it didn’t stop shining when beautiful, perfect Emma died, it wasn’t going to stop shining for me. I heard my phone buzz then and I turned around and looked for it. It was sitting on the nightstand, up on top. I don’t remember when I put it there. I went over and picked it up. I had a text message from my trainer Dean. I pressed on it and read it. He just wanted to re-schedule our session for later in the day. I also had two others, but from my crazy ex-girlfriend Kristie. She’d been hounding me for months about getting back together. I broke up with her because she beat up another girl that she got some crazy idea about. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her. I told her that I think she is crazy. Yet, she shows up on my doorstep sometimes and knocks on the door and when I answer it she just smiles and acts like things are normal and she’s not living in bizarro land. Sometimes when I leave the gym I find her waiting by my car. I’ve told her each time to go away and leave me alone, but nothing seems to penetrate. Emma used to even tell me that she worried she was the creepy stalker type and I might come home one night to boiled bunny on the stove. The messages she had left there today were more of the same old crap. They said things like: “I love you, I miss you, and I can’t wait to see you.” The girl needs medication, seriously. I started to sit the phone back down when I realized that there were two other messages from her from last night. I looked closer and saw they had been sent in the dead of the night. I had been with Alexa. I know that I didn’t read those, but then how was it that they’d already been read? I checked the time on them…they came in one minute apart from each other, two a.m. and two o’ one a.m. Fuck! I think I just solved the mystery of why Alexa left like she did. She thought I had her over here, naked in my bed while I had a girlfriend waiting for me somewhere else. I can be an asshole if the situation calls for it, but I’d never cheated on a girl…and I’ve never taken advantage of one. Shit! That’s what she thinks. It made me sick to my stomach just thinking about it, but she thinks I took advantage of my own sister’s death to get a piece of ass. No wonder she couldn’t wait to get the hell out of here! Damn it! I wish she would have just asked me. I could have shown her the other messages and told her what a crazy person Kristie is. I got pissed then and I sent Kristie a text that said, “Stop texting me! We have nothing to say to each other! If you don’t stop, I’m going to get a fucking restraining order you crazy…” I left that part blank, she could fill it in. Then I sat there staring at the phone, wondering if I should call Alexa and explain. I wondered if she would believe me if I did.
CHAPTER TWO ALEXA I went home that night after reading Ian’s text messages and went to bed. I stayed there most of the next day, watching sappy love stories on the Hallmark channel and bawling my eyes out. I’m not sure what I was crying over . Was it