By Alycia Taylor Copyright 2015. All rights reserved.
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CHAPTER ONE IAN I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth and finally feeling like everything in the world didn’t suck. I was riding the high that came from a night with Alexa. It wasn’t just the hot sex…although that was a large factor, it was that I was so comfortable with her and being with her made me happy. My heart still hurt when I thought about poor, sweet Emma, but after being with Alexa tonight I at least felt alive again. Since I got the call about Emma, nothing has felt good…and then again, nothing has really felt bad either. It’s all been just numb and sometimes I think that’s a worse feeling than bad. Tonight I didn’t feel numb, I felt amazing. When I first met Alexa, I felt a connection to her right then, as soon as I started talking to her at Emma’s funeral. I thought then that it was just about Emma and the fact that we had both loved her so much and we were both grieving. But after tonight, I’m positive there is more to it than that. I’ve been with a lot of women and none of them had made me feel the way she does. She gets me and she has the same feelings that I do about Emma so I don’t have to describe them to her. And then there was the sex…Damn ! I’m not usually the kind of guy who seeks out the inexperienced ones and I’ve never really seen the draw in virgins. I never wanted to have to be a teacher in my bed. But with Alexa, although it was clear that she was inexperienced in the sexual acts, the feeling of every one of her touches was so overwhelming that the rest of it was just as powerful. I finished brushing my teeth and I looked at myself in the mirror. I was actually able to smile and not feel guilty about it. I think Emma would want me to be happy. Most importantly, I think she would appreciate the fact that around Alexa I can be myself. I can be the person that Emma knew. That’s the guy who comes out when Alexa is around. He’s the real me that not many other people know…not even my close friends. I don’t have to worry about what Alexa is thinking of me or this image of being the “tough guy.” I don’t have to stay strong for her the way I do Mom and Dad. She doesn’t need me for that. I can just be me…a guy who just had his heart torn out and finds himself standing and staring numbly in strange places throughout the day, not knowing what to do. I can admit that to her and she completely understands. I was on cloud nine right up until I came out of the bathroom and found her clutching her clothes to her chest. She must have gotten up and collected them while I was in the bathroom since they’d been scattered from the living room to in here. “Where are you going?” I asked her. At first I thought I was joking. Surely, she was just going to put on something to wear to bed. It was after two in the morning. She looked at me like a deer in the headlights and I briefly wondered if she was going to sneak out while I was in the bathroom. “Are you leaving?” I asked her, incredulously. “Yeah, I have a lot to do today.” Today? Does she mean now, at two-fifteen a.m.? “ Oookay ….but technically, it’s not even morning yet. Don’t you want to stay just a while longer? I thought you were going to spend the night with me.” Her voice sounded weird and she had a different look on her face…kind of panicky. I hoped that she wasn’t regretting what we did tonight. I should have thought about the fact that she was younger and not as experienced. I should have questioned more whether or not she was up for