when you kissed Logan?” she asked. I nodded. “How about the way you felt when you kissed Jesse?”
I didn’t answer, but the smile that crossed my face said it all.
“Look, I know you love Logan, but you’re not in love with Logan. If you were, I don’t think we’d be having this conversation. I know you’re scared. I know there is more to your past and your story than I really understand and I’m sure you have a logical reason to be, but Celia, if you could’ve seen yourself just now. The way your eyes lit up and your smile widened with every detail of last night, it’s obvious there is something there with Jesse. Something that I believe is worth at least exploring.” She paused, probably to survey my reaction. “So, I’m going to ask you again. Are you going to see Jesse again?”
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
“Don’t think about it. That’s what gets you in trouble, you think too much. Stop letting your head get in the way and for once listen to what your heart wants.”
There were a million reasons why listening to my heart was a bad idea. I tried to say them out loud for Jacyie to understand, but each time she shut them down. She said it was time for me to stop overanalyzing and thinking the worst of every situation. That I just needed to let what would happen happen.
22
The weekend came and went and another was arriving. It had been over a week since I last saw Jesse and I couldn’t tell Jaycie for fear of a riot, but I was doing my best to avoid him. We had talked a bit since that night, but every time he had asked about my plans, I made sure I always sounded busy. My heart was not winning this battle. My head had spent many years leading the way and it continued to do so. My heart was not winning this battle. No matter how bad I might have actually wanted to see Jesse, I couldn’t.
I tried to push it to the back of my mind long enough to slide a pair of translucent orange earrings on and hand-iron my strapless dress as I stood in front of my bedroom mirror. It was Friday night and Logan was back in town. I received an invite a few days ago to a dinner party he was throwing at a new restaurant nearby. His name was on it, of course, but I knew better than to think he’d actually be planning it. When it came to parties, the only kind that Logan preferred to coordinate had to include a keg and a ping-pong table. His publicist Ivy was the obvious hand in this cookie jar, but either way it would be good to see him, and I needed a good night out anyway.
There was a plus-one on the invite I received, and that usually fell on Jaycie, but she couldn’t make it this time. Even though there were a few weak moments where I thought about asking Jesse, I decided against it. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that he would’ve received his own invitation. Not until I was already inside with a cold glass of liquor in my hand did I realize how small of a place Nashville really was. It was a Friday night, the list of bars to hang out at was never-ending, and yet as I rested my elbow on the bar and turned toward the crowd I realized that out of them the bars in town, Jesse was in the same one as I.
Our eyes locked almost immediately and if I were to turn away now I knew I’d make it obvious that I was avoiding him so instead I gave a slight wave on top of a friendly smile and turned back toward the bar. Of course that wouldn’t be the end of it; not in my life. He waited a bit, I’d like to think as long as he could stand it, then I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“You look amazing,” he said.
“Thanks.”
I could tell by the way his eyes wandered that he was just as uncomfortable as I was. He wanted to say something significant, but the silence was too much to handle, so instead he kept blurting out random questions. “ How was your day?” “Who are you here with?” “What are your plans for the rest of the weekend? We made small talk for a good twenty minutes before Logan and Ivy
I didn’t answer, but the smile that crossed my face said it all.
“Look, I know you love Logan, but you’re not in love with Logan. If you were, I don’t think we’d be having this conversation. I know you’re scared. I know there is more to your past and your story than I really understand and I’m sure you have a logical reason to be, but Celia, if you could’ve seen yourself just now. The way your eyes lit up and your smile widened with every detail of last night, it’s obvious there is something there with Jesse. Something that I believe is worth at least exploring.” She paused, probably to survey my reaction. “So, I’m going to ask you again. Are you going to see Jesse again?”
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
“Don’t think about it. That’s what gets you in trouble, you think too much. Stop letting your head get in the way and for once listen to what your heart wants.”
There were a million reasons why listening to my heart was a bad idea. I tried to say them out loud for Jacyie to understand, but each time she shut them down. She said it was time for me to stop overanalyzing and thinking the worst of every situation. That I just needed to let what would happen happen.
22
The weekend came and went and another was arriving. It had been over a week since I last saw Jesse and I couldn’t tell Jaycie for fear of a riot, but I was doing my best to avoid him. We had talked a bit since that night, but every time he had asked about my plans, I made sure I always sounded busy. My heart was not winning this battle. My head had spent many years leading the way and it continued to do so. My heart was not winning this battle. No matter how bad I might have actually wanted to see Jesse, I couldn’t.
I tried to push it to the back of my mind long enough to slide a pair of translucent orange earrings on and hand-iron my strapless dress as I stood in front of my bedroom mirror. It was Friday night and Logan was back in town. I received an invite a few days ago to a dinner party he was throwing at a new restaurant nearby. His name was on it, of course, but I knew better than to think he’d actually be planning it. When it came to parties, the only kind that Logan preferred to coordinate had to include a keg and a ping-pong table. His publicist Ivy was the obvious hand in this cookie jar, but either way it would be good to see him, and I needed a good night out anyway.
There was a plus-one on the invite I received, and that usually fell on Jaycie, but she couldn’t make it this time. Even though there were a few weak moments where I thought about asking Jesse, I decided against it. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that he would’ve received his own invitation. Not until I was already inside with a cold glass of liquor in my hand did I realize how small of a place Nashville really was. It was a Friday night, the list of bars to hang out at was never-ending, and yet as I rested my elbow on the bar and turned toward the crowd I realized that out of them the bars in town, Jesse was in the same one as I.
Our eyes locked almost immediately and if I were to turn away now I knew I’d make it obvious that I was avoiding him so instead I gave a slight wave on top of a friendly smile and turned back toward the bar. Of course that wouldn’t be the end of it; not in my life. He waited a bit, I’d like to think as long as he could stand it, then I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“You look amazing,” he said.
“Thanks.”
I could tell by the way his eyes wandered that he was just as uncomfortable as I was. He wanted to say something significant, but the silence was too much to handle, so instead he kept blurting out random questions. “ How was your day?” “Who are you here with?” “What are your plans for the rest of the weekend? We made small talk for a good twenty minutes before Logan and Ivy
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