Battle of the Dum Diddys by R.L. Stine Page A

can do whatever we want. No parents!
    If Rotten School closed, we’d have to move back HOME!
    â€œBuh-buh-Bernie—get in here!” Headmaster Upchuck called.
    I was thinking so hard, I didn’t even see him hang up the phone. I stepped back into his office.
    He stood beside his desk. His little body trembled and shook. His lips were moving up and down, but no sound came out. I guess he was a little stressed.
    â€œWhat did you want to see me about, sir?” I asked.
    â€œBuh-buh-buh-buh.” His lips kept moving up and down.
    â€œYes, sir?”
    â€œBuh-buh-buh-buh-buh.”
    â€œOkay, sir,” I said. “I understand.” I pretended he was speaking words. I mean, the phone call had him totally shook. Why upset the poor guy even more?
    He pointed a finger at me. “Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh,” he said. Then his tongue flopped out of his mouth and just hung there.
    â€œVery good, sir,” I said. “Thank you for those words of wisdom. I’ll never forget them.”
    â€œLamf-lamf-lamf-lamf,” he said. His tongue flopped over his chin.
    â€œThank you, sir,” I said. I nodded solemnly. “You’re totally right.” I turned and hurried out of his office.
    I ran across the campus, all the way back to Rotten House. That’s the dorm where my buddies and I live. It’s actually a rickety, old house.
    I ran up the stairs to the third floor. I couldn’t wait to tell my friends the big news.
    Feenman and Crench were in the room theyshare with Belzer, across the hall from mine. Feenman was down on his knees on the floor, painting his dresser mirror red. That’s Feenman’s hobby—painting things red.

    Crench was stretched out on the bottom bunk. He had a book over his face, but he wasn’t reading it. He was sound asleep.
    I shook him hard and woke him up. “Dudes, youwon’t believe this!” I cried. I told them what I’d heard in Upchuck’s office.
    Crench shook his head. “Is it for real? The inspectors might shut this school down in one week?”
    I nodded.
    â€œThey can’t do that!” Feenman cried. “I just painted my dresser mirror red!”
    Did that make sense? Not to me. But what do you expect from a dude who paints things red?
    â€œLet’s get serious. You know what this means—don’t you?” I asked.
    They stared at me.
    I saw tears start to run down Feenman’s cheeks. “It…it means an AWESOME school will be closed,” he sobbed.
    â€œNo!” I said. “That’s not what it means. It means we have one week to make as much money as we can!”
    I pushed them toward the door. “Come on. Let’s get moving. This could be our last week to cash in!”

Chapter 4
GOOD LUCK
    â€œOkay, huddle up, dudes! Gather around!” I shouted.
    The first graders were just coming out for recess. They made a circle around me. I like first graders. They’re so cute—and most of them don’t cry when I take their money.
    â€œHurry up, Bernie,” a big kid with bright orange hair and freckles growled. “We only have fifteen minutes for recess.”
    â€œWhat do you do at recess?” I asked him.
    â€œKick each other,” he said.
    I squinted at him. “You’re joking—right?”
    He gave me a hard kick in the knee. I guess he wasn’t joking. I grabbed the kid by his school blazer. “What’s your name, dude?”
    â€œJoshua,” he said. “Joshua Bradly Belcher.”
    I decided to ignore this clown. Time to get to work.
    I held up a stack of tickets. “Listen carefully, dudes!” I shouted. “Only one chance to buy these special tickets. Get your money out. Only a dollar each.”
    Several little angels reached into their pockets for their money. That’s why I like first graders. Totally adorable.
    But the big, redheaded kid raised his paw in the air. “Are they lottery