what I say.”
I did just that. I looked and I saw the same thing that I saw before…nothing. “Fuck you!” I felt a tear form in the corner of my eye. “Fuck you!” I roared and she shuddered. I startled her with the bass in my voice. I was yelling in her face. “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!”
Kari tried to stand up. I wretched her back down. She rolled her eyes at me, sort of.
“You’re not going anywhere!” I meant that. She can’t leave me.
“I’m leaving here on my feet or in a body bag. I don’t want you anymore. Get that in your head. Let me go or kill me. Either way I’m done with you.”
I felt my face frown as I glar ed at her. “Fuck you! If you leave, I will never take you back. You will be dead to me.”
“Okay.” She stood up on her feet. She went from erratic crying to devoid of any and all emotion.
Okay? What the fuck? Are you serious right now? I stood up and towered over her. “You are…making a mistake.”
Kari ignored my words and grabbed her purse off the table. She slowly went to the door. Her hand touched the doorknob and my knees went wobbly. No!
“Kari Lynn, don’t do this.” I felt the tears erupting in my chest.
“It’s done.” The door was open and she was out of it. I couldn’t believe she was gone until the door closed behind her. Just like that, just like we meant nothing to each other. I don’t, I don’t... I couldn’t go after her. I just stood there in my spot, broken to pieces. Her words were final. They had an expiration date. I thought she loved me as deeply as I loved her. I scampered over to the closed door. I touched it I leaned my head on it. Why is this happening to me? I lose everyone I love.
I heard a roar. It was me. I was roaring like some disturbed beast. I took two hulking steps back from the door. I raised one foot and I kicked the door with everything I had in me. I kicked the door off the hinges and knocked it out the frame. I was shaking and roaring. I wanted to hurt someone the way I was hurting.
“Uncle! Uncle!” I heard RJ yelling at me. I opened my eyes. I didn’t know I had shut them. My fists were on their way to connect with the wall. I was stopped in the middle of my punch when my nephew li fted me off my feet and swung me around in a circle.
“Uncle Mason, chill!” He let me go and I was on my feet but I felt dizzy. “Uncle, chill!”
My anger turned to anguish and I was crying like I had ten vaginas. RJ reached out and grabbed my shoulders but I was too weak to truly pull away.
“Uncle, dude let that shit out.” RJ had cupped the back of my head and pulled me in close. My chest exploded and I was sobbing into the neck and shoulder of my nephew. He was holding me so tight I couldn’t move. My arms were at my sides and I was immobile in my body, my heart and my mind.
“Fuck her!” I whimpered into his shoulder.
“Yeah, dude, Fuck her.”
I don’t know how long RJ had me in his safe and secure man-hug but when he released me I was calmer. “I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sure why I was apologizing.
“Yeah, shit happens.” He said. I always say that to him. “Let’s get white boy wasted. Let’s go straight to Bar Louie, drink until we think we can walk on friggin’ water. I will get Deja to drive us home.”
“I don’t know.” I looked around at the unnecessary destruction I caused, the damn door that was laying flat on the floor. There were pieces of wood sticking out the wall of the door frame. “I got to fix this door.”
“ Fuck that, nail a bed sheet up there and let’s bounce.”
“I--”
“Damn old man, you have a reason to get wasted.”
“Yeah I do.”
RJ put on his caveman voice. “You smash door. I drive car. Vodka for me. Vodka for you.” RJ smiled his goofy grin. “Put your panties on. I’m waiting in the car. Let’s do this.”
RJ jumped through the opened doorway like a superhero.
There was really no reason to debate. I needed that drink and I would need many more. I
I did just that. I looked and I saw the same thing that I saw before…nothing. “Fuck you!” I felt a tear form in the corner of my eye. “Fuck you!” I roared and she shuddered. I startled her with the bass in my voice. I was yelling in her face. “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!”
Kari tried to stand up. I wretched her back down. She rolled her eyes at me, sort of.
“You’re not going anywhere!” I meant that. She can’t leave me.
“I’m leaving here on my feet or in a body bag. I don’t want you anymore. Get that in your head. Let me go or kill me. Either way I’m done with you.”
I felt my face frown as I glar ed at her. “Fuck you! If you leave, I will never take you back. You will be dead to me.”
“Okay.” She stood up on her feet. She went from erratic crying to devoid of any and all emotion.
Okay? What the fuck? Are you serious right now? I stood up and towered over her. “You are…making a mistake.”
Kari ignored my words and grabbed her purse off the table. She slowly went to the door. Her hand touched the doorknob and my knees went wobbly. No!
“Kari Lynn, don’t do this.” I felt the tears erupting in my chest.
“It’s done.” The door was open and she was out of it. I couldn’t believe she was gone until the door closed behind her. Just like that, just like we meant nothing to each other. I don’t, I don’t... I couldn’t go after her. I just stood there in my spot, broken to pieces. Her words were final. They had an expiration date. I thought she loved me as deeply as I loved her. I scampered over to the closed door. I touched it I leaned my head on it. Why is this happening to me? I lose everyone I love.
I heard a roar. It was me. I was roaring like some disturbed beast. I took two hulking steps back from the door. I raised one foot and I kicked the door with everything I had in me. I kicked the door off the hinges and knocked it out the frame. I was shaking and roaring. I wanted to hurt someone the way I was hurting.
“Uncle! Uncle!” I heard RJ yelling at me. I opened my eyes. I didn’t know I had shut them. My fists were on their way to connect with the wall. I was stopped in the middle of my punch when my nephew li fted me off my feet and swung me around in a circle.
“Uncle Mason, chill!” He let me go and I was on my feet but I felt dizzy. “Uncle, chill!”
My anger turned to anguish and I was crying like I had ten vaginas. RJ reached out and grabbed my shoulders but I was too weak to truly pull away.
“Uncle, dude let that shit out.” RJ had cupped the back of my head and pulled me in close. My chest exploded and I was sobbing into the neck and shoulder of my nephew. He was holding me so tight I couldn’t move. My arms were at my sides and I was immobile in my body, my heart and my mind.
“Fuck her!” I whimpered into his shoulder.
“Yeah, dude, Fuck her.”
I don’t know how long RJ had me in his safe and secure man-hug but when he released me I was calmer. “I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sure why I was apologizing.
“Yeah, shit happens.” He said. I always say that to him. “Let’s get white boy wasted. Let’s go straight to Bar Louie, drink until we think we can walk on friggin’ water. I will get Deja to drive us home.”
“I don’t know.” I looked around at the unnecessary destruction I caused, the damn door that was laying flat on the floor. There were pieces of wood sticking out the wall of the door frame. “I got to fix this door.”
“ Fuck that, nail a bed sheet up there and let’s bounce.”
“I--”
“Damn old man, you have a reason to get wasted.”
“Yeah I do.”
RJ put on his caveman voice. “You smash door. I drive car. Vodka for me. Vodka for you.” RJ smiled his goofy grin. “Put your panties on. I’m waiting in the car. Let’s do this.”
RJ jumped through the opened doorway like a superhero.
There was really no reason to debate. I needed that drink and I would need many more. I
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