be a mom. I didn’t know how.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
How could this happen? We were always careful. We used a condom every single time. Moon was diligent about that shit. Oh my God, how could I tell Moon? Was I going to tell Moon? I couldn’t be a mom. Moon wouldn’t want to be a dad. Would he? Fuck. My mind was racing. I couldn’t think straight. Fuck.
And of course this would be the exact moment I heard his truck pull into the driveway. I couldn’t answer the door. Who was I kidding? He didn’t knock. It wasn’t even locked. Fuck. Maybe I could lock the bathroom door and just be quiet. Maybe he would leave. Who the fuck was I kidding? He would break this fucking door down if I didn’t answer and he thought something was wrong.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Knock knock!” I heard, as he opened the front door.
“Sam?” He yelled when I didn’t respond.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Sam?” He repeated when I didn’t answer.
“Just a minute!” I yelled, while trying to keep my voice from shaking. I threw the test and the box in the cabinet. My whole body was shaking. Things had been perfect with Moon and I for months now. Too perfect. I should have known better. What was I going to do? Do I tell him? I didn’t think I could get an abortion, but I couldn’t rule it out just yet. Because I couldn’t be a mom. I couldn’t be. What if Moon took off and left me alone with a baby? What if I couldn’t handle having a kid and I took off? The bitch did it, what if that blood ran deep? I wasn’t ready to tell Moon yet, I knew that much. I wanted to talk to Lainey; she was my best friend and the one I always went to. But I couldn’t, not about this. Not when she was about to have her own baby, she would never understand.
“Are you ok?” Moon said outside the door. I was crouched down on the floor, with my knees to my chin. I don’t even know how long I had been sitting there. I had to move. I had to act normal. I could do this. So I got up, looked myself over in the mirror and opened the bathroom door.
“Holy shit, Sam. Are you ok? You’re white as a ghost!” Moon said, as he stared at me when I walked out of the bathroom. So much for my fucking poker face. That bitch betrayed me. He walked over to me and put his hand on my forehead.
“I’m fine,” I said, with the most normal sounding voice that I could manage.
Moon glared at me, he knew me too well, even though I didn’t like to admit it.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
“Nothing,” I said quietly, and walked around him.
“Don’t lie to me. I know you, Sam.” He said behind me.
And he did. There was no point in trying to hide it. I couldn’t. I was about to lose it, and I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t. The tears started to fall and my body started to tremble. I crumbled to the floor in a heap. Moon was immediately on his knees, with his arms wrapped around me from behind.
“What is it? Baby, what?” He asked desperately. I could hear the fear in his voice. I couldn’t speak, I just cried and shook. What the hell was I going to do?
“Sam, you’re scaring the shit out of me. Talk to me,” Moon said, as he scooted around so he was facing me. He was stroking my hair and I could feel his eyes staring a hole through me.
“Sam, please.” He begged.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, when I could finally get the words out. I was staring at the floor. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t have the strength to lift my head or I couldn’t force myself to look at him. I waited for his response. He didn’t say a word. I couldn’t look up. I didn’t want to see him look at me with anger or disappointment. I felt enough of that on my own, without getting it from him, too. But I kept waiting, it seemed like forever. Not a word.
“Did you hear me?” I said, as I finally looked at him. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
“Are you fucking smiling?” I said through a hiccup. He was smiling. Those bright blue eyes of his shining. How could he be happy
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
How could this happen? We were always careful. We used a condom every single time. Moon was diligent about that shit. Oh my God, how could I tell Moon? Was I going to tell Moon? I couldn’t be a mom. Moon wouldn’t want to be a dad. Would he? Fuck. My mind was racing. I couldn’t think straight. Fuck.
And of course this would be the exact moment I heard his truck pull into the driveway. I couldn’t answer the door. Who was I kidding? He didn’t knock. It wasn’t even locked. Fuck. Maybe I could lock the bathroom door and just be quiet. Maybe he would leave. Who the fuck was I kidding? He would break this fucking door down if I didn’t answer and he thought something was wrong.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Knock knock!” I heard, as he opened the front door.
“Sam?” He yelled when I didn’t respond.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Sam?” He repeated when I didn’t answer.
“Just a minute!” I yelled, while trying to keep my voice from shaking. I threw the test and the box in the cabinet. My whole body was shaking. Things had been perfect with Moon and I for months now. Too perfect. I should have known better. What was I going to do? Do I tell him? I didn’t think I could get an abortion, but I couldn’t rule it out just yet. Because I couldn’t be a mom. I couldn’t be. What if Moon took off and left me alone with a baby? What if I couldn’t handle having a kid and I took off? The bitch did it, what if that blood ran deep? I wasn’t ready to tell Moon yet, I knew that much. I wanted to talk to Lainey; she was my best friend and the one I always went to. But I couldn’t, not about this. Not when she was about to have her own baby, she would never understand.
“Are you ok?” Moon said outside the door. I was crouched down on the floor, with my knees to my chin. I don’t even know how long I had been sitting there. I had to move. I had to act normal. I could do this. So I got up, looked myself over in the mirror and opened the bathroom door.
“Holy shit, Sam. Are you ok? You’re white as a ghost!” Moon said, as he stared at me when I walked out of the bathroom. So much for my fucking poker face. That bitch betrayed me. He walked over to me and put his hand on my forehead.
“I’m fine,” I said, with the most normal sounding voice that I could manage.
Moon glared at me, he knew me too well, even though I didn’t like to admit it.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
“Nothing,” I said quietly, and walked around him.
“Don’t lie to me. I know you, Sam.” He said behind me.
And he did. There was no point in trying to hide it. I couldn’t. I was about to lose it, and I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t. The tears started to fall and my body started to tremble. I crumbled to the floor in a heap. Moon was immediately on his knees, with his arms wrapped around me from behind.
“What is it? Baby, what?” He asked desperately. I could hear the fear in his voice. I couldn’t speak, I just cried and shook. What the hell was I going to do?
“Sam, you’re scaring the shit out of me. Talk to me,” Moon said, as he scooted around so he was facing me. He was stroking my hair and I could feel his eyes staring a hole through me.
“Sam, please.” He begged.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, when I could finally get the words out. I was staring at the floor. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t have the strength to lift my head or I couldn’t force myself to look at him. I waited for his response. He didn’t say a word. I couldn’t look up. I didn’t want to see him look at me with anger or disappointment. I felt enough of that on my own, without getting it from him, too. But I kept waiting, it seemed like forever. Not a word.
“Did you hear me?” I said, as I finally looked at him. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
“Are you fucking smiling?” I said through a hiccup. He was smiling. Those bright blue eyes of his shining. How could he be happy
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