putting her hand on my knee. “You have to understand, I was raised by free-love hippy parents who were very open. By the time I was in high school, my mom left a candy jar full of condoms by the front door and tried, to my horror, to show me the best way to perform fellatio on a banana. Hell, all she ever talked about was sex. So there’s nothing you could say that would change what I think of you. This is a subject I’m very comfortable with. Besides, I bet I can help you.”
I look down into my drink and nod. “Okay.”
“Let’s take a step back for a moment. I knew about the awkward kissing issue, so is it similar with sex? Did you try, but not like it?”
“I don’t know where to start.” I pull on my hair in frustration.
“How about at the beginning?” she suggests gently.
“Well, I think I already told you that I was really shy in high school with the girls. My senior year I ended up going out with my friend’s sister for a while. We fumbled around and did stuff a few times but she was even more uncomfortable than I was about it and it wasn’t very satisfying. We really didn’t have any common interests, nor did we have good chemistry together so that didn’t help. We finally just gave up. Later when I got to CalArts I met Rachel, another animation student and within weeks we were involved.”
“She’s the one that didn’t like to kiss.”
I nod. “Yeah, but she’s so great in so many ways. We felt the same about animation and we talked about it non-stop. Before you knew it we were glued at the hip, together all the time. I was so happy to finally have that with someone.”
“That sounds great.”
“It was. Plus she was my biggest support, always telling me that I was the most talented in our year…that I was going to have a great career.”
“How sweet.” Brooke nods, encouragingly.
“It was so confusing though when it came to sex. She was very physical with me, always touching me, holding my hand, sitting on my lap but whenever I would try to initiate anything more she would just freeze. It started with the kissing. She hated the kissing. So finally I gave up with that.”
“But I had needs you know. I loved her and wanted to be with her…really be with her. So I just kept asking and finally she gave in, agreeing to try making love.”
“Well, that’s good, right?” she says, smiling.
“Honestly, I don’t know what I did wrong. I thought since we were in love it would be different than high school. But no matter how I touched her she didn’t react the way I expected…the way I’d seen in movies or read in books. She just laid there. And then when I tried to, you know, go inside of her, she said it hurt and she stopped me.”
I realize that my hands are twisted together painfully, and I pull my fingers apart and flex them while sighing.
“I cared about her so much. It took me weeks to get over that first time.”
“That’s awful,” she says.
“The next time I tried, I got us drinking first thinking it would relax her and the situation. Instead it just made her emotional. She started crying when I was only halfway inside of her.”
“Damn,” she mutters.
I nod. “You can imagine how I felt.”
“So I started doing research on how to please a woman. I desperately needed to figure out what I was doing wrong. I was obsessed. It was like I was trying to crack a secret code. I put together an arsenal of techniques and a plan of seduction…and the only thing that seemed to work was…you know…” I can feel my face on fire.
“When you went down on her?” She gently asks.
I nod, and look down embarrassed. “She was crazy for that and I got really good at it.”
“But what about you?” I can’t help but notice how sad Brooke looks, and my heart sinks even further.
“I loved making her feel good so it wasn’t the end of the world. Sure I wanted more, much more, but what could I do? And that is when I finally just accepted that I just didn’t have
I look down into my drink and nod. “Okay.”
“Let’s take a step back for a moment. I knew about the awkward kissing issue, so is it similar with sex? Did you try, but not like it?”
“I don’t know where to start.” I pull on my hair in frustration.
“How about at the beginning?” she suggests gently.
“Well, I think I already told you that I was really shy in high school with the girls. My senior year I ended up going out with my friend’s sister for a while. We fumbled around and did stuff a few times but she was even more uncomfortable than I was about it and it wasn’t very satisfying. We really didn’t have any common interests, nor did we have good chemistry together so that didn’t help. We finally just gave up. Later when I got to CalArts I met Rachel, another animation student and within weeks we were involved.”
“She’s the one that didn’t like to kiss.”
I nod. “Yeah, but she’s so great in so many ways. We felt the same about animation and we talked about it non-stop. Before you knew it we were glued at the hip, together all the time. I was so happy to finally have that with someone.”
“That sounds great.”
“It was. Plus she was my biggest support, always telling me that I was the most talented in our year…that I was going to have a great career.”
“How sweet.” Brooke nods, encouragingly.
“It was so confusing though when it came to sex. She was very physical with me, always touching me, holding my hand, sitting on my lap but whenever I would try to initiate anything more she would just freeze. It started with the kissing. She hated the kissing. So finally I gave up with that.”
“But I had needs you know. I loved her and wanted to be with her…really be with her. So I just kept asking and finally she gave in, agreeing to try making love.”
“Well, that’s good, right?” she says, smiling.
“Honestly, I don’t know what I did wrong. I thought since we were in love it would be different than high school. But no matter how I touched her she didn’t react the way I expected…the way I’d seen in movies or read in books. She just laid there. And then when I tried to, you know, go inside of her, she said it hurt and she stopped me.”
I realize that my hands are twisted together painfully, and I pull my fingers apart and flex them while sighing.
“I cared about her so much. It took me weeks to get over that first time.”
“That’s awful,” she says.
“The next time I tried, I got us drinking first thinking it would relax her and the situation. Instead it just made her emotional. She started crying when I was only halfway inside of her.”
“Damn,” she mutters.
I nod. “You can imagine how I felt.”
“So I started doing research on how to please a woman. I desperately needed to figure out what I was doing wrong. I was obsessed. It was like I was trying to crack a secret code. I put together an arsenal of techniques and a plan of seduction…and the only thing that seemed to work was…you know…” I can feel my face on fire.
“When you went down on her?” She gently asks.
I nod, and look down embarrassed. “She was crazy for that and I got really good at it.”
“But what about you?” I can’t help but notice how sad Brooke looks, and my heart sinks even further.
“I loved making her feel good so it wasn’t the end of the world. Sure I wanted more, much more, but what could I do? And that is when I finally just accepted that I just didn’t have
Similar Books
