torrent, Brittany filling in details. The white rose. Paparazzi and reporters in the mall. The photo in my shopping bag. Tom’s apartment wall, full of pictures. Detective Furlow’s thought that Tom could have been killed because of
me.
“Because of you?” Carly’s head drew back. “Surely he didn’t put it like that.”
“Might as well have. He said maybe someone found out how Tom felt about me and was jealous.”
“Shaley.” Carly put her finger under my chin, nudging me to look her in the eye. “If someone killed Tom for that reason — and we don’t even know if that’s the case — that person is crazy. He’s misguided and evil. You
cannot
take responsibility for such a person’s actions. It wasn’t
your
fault. And it wasn’t Tom’s fault for caring about you.” She smiled. “There’s got to be hundreds of guys out there who feel the same way about you, just by looking at your picture.”
I sniffed. “But it was more than that. Tom …
loved
me. At least that’s what he put on his wall. How could I not know?”
“Because he didn’t want you to. Maybe he would have told you someday. Maybe not.”
I sighed and lowered my eyes. Rubbed my finger across patterned stitching in the bedspread. Brittany pulled her feet up and sat cross-legged.
My stomach rumbled. Lunch had been over seven hours ago, and after my flight to the bathroom, there was nothing left in me. Still, I couldn’t imagine eating.
“All of this, Carly. It makes me feel so … unsure of things. Like I can’t really control anything in my life. And I can’t even be sure of what I know. I didn’t understand how Tom felt. I don’t know anything more about my dad. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.”
Carly inhaled a long breath. “None of us do, Shaley. That’s why we need God so much.”
A new expression flickered over her face, mixing anger and righteous defiance. Her tone firmed. “And listen to me, Shaley. Someone meant those words on the back of that photo to harm you. But here’s the good news. Someone
is
always watching. That someone is Jesus. He’s watching when things are good and when things are terrible. I should know; I’ve been through both. So every time those words ring in your head, Shaley, don’t just think of the mean person in this world who wrote them. Think of God in heaven, because that’s his promise to you.”
I brushed at imagined lint on my jeans, fighting the urge to steal a look at Brittany. I hadn’t asked Carly here to talk about God. But I should have known she would.
“Can I tell you something about my own life?” Carly asked after a moment.
I nodded.
She remained silent. I looked at her and saw memories — whatever they might be — creasing her face. She focused on the distance,beyond the room, as if the walls had disappeared and she gazed into her past.
“I lost my mama when I was nine.”
I blinked in surprise. Brittany made a sad sound in her throat.
“My father was an alcoholic. He went over the deep end after Mama died. He lost his job. Couldn’t provide for me. I didn’t have brothers or sisters, so I felt very alone when he stayed out all night drinking. He ended up robbing a bank. They caught him, and he went to jail. I was, for all practical purposes, an orphan.”
Oh.
I squeezed her arm. Losing
both
parents was more than I could imagine. “What did you do?”
“My grandmama took me in.” Carly smiled. “She was a praying woman. She prayed over me loud and long. Downright shook the rafters. I thought she was a little crazy, but I loved her. She was so good to me.” Carly looked at her lap. “I only had her a year. Then she died too.”
I shook my head. So much loss. I never would have guessed this about Carly.
“After that I was shoved in and out of foster homes, all the way until I graduated from high school.” Carly’s voice dropped. “Those years were terrible. I can’t tell you how bad. I
won’t
tell you all that happened to
me.
“Because of you?” Carly’s head drew back. “Surely he didn’t put it like that.”
“Might as well have. He said maybe someone found out how Tom felt about me and was jealous.”
“Shaley.” Carly put her finger under my chin, nudging me to look her in the eye. “If someone killed Tom for that reason — and we don’t even know if that’s the case — that person is crazy. He’s misguided and evil. You
cannot
take responsibility for such a person’s actions. It wasn’t
your
fault. And it wasn’t Tom’s fault for caring about you.” She smiled. “There’s got to be hundreds of guys out there who feel the same way about you, just by looking at your picture.”
I sniffed. “But it was more than that. Tom …
loved
me. At least that’s what he put on his wall. How could I not know?”
“Because he didn’t want you to. Maybe he would have told you someday. Maybe not.”
I sighed and lowered my eyes. Rubbed my finger across patterned stitching in the bedspread. Brittany pulled her feet up and sat cross-legged.
My stomach rumbled. Lunch had been over seven hours ago, and after my flight to the bathroom, there was nothing left in me. Still, I couldn’t imagine eating.
“All of this, Carly. It makes me feel so … unsure of things. Like I can’t really control anything in my life. And I can’t even be sure of what I know. I didn’t understand how Tom felt. I don’t know anything more about my dad. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.”
Carly inhaled a long breath. “None of us do, Shaley. That’s why we need God so much.”
A new expression flickered over her face, mixing anger and righteous defiance. Her tone firmed. “And listen to me, Shaley. Someone meant those words on the back of that photo to harm you. But here’s the good news. Someone
is
always watching. That someone is Jesus. He’s watching when things are good and when things are terrible. I should know; I’ve been through both. So every time those words ring in your head, Shaley, don’t just think of the mean person in this world who wrote them. Think of God in heaven, because that’s his promise to you.”
I brushed at imagined lint on my jeans, fighting the urge to steal a look at Brittany. I hadn’t asked Carly here to talk about God. But I should have known she would.
“Can I tell you something about my own life?” Carly asked after a moment.
I nodded.
She remained silent. I looked at her and saw memories — whatever they might be — creasing her face. She focused on the distance,beyond the room, as if the walls had disappeared and she gazed into her past.
“I lost my mama when I was nine.”
I blinked in surprise. Brittany made a sad sound in her throat.
“My father was an alcoholic. He went over the deep end after Mama died. He lost his job. Couldn’t provide for me. I didn’t have brothers or sisters, so I felt very alone when he stayed out all night drinking. He ended up robbing a bank. They caught him, and he went to jail. I was, for all practical purposes, an orphan.”
Oh.
I squeezed her arm. Losing
both
parents was more than I could imagine. “What did you do?”
“My grandmama took me in.” Carly smiled. “She was a praying woman. She prayed over me loud and long. Downright shook the rafters. I thought she was a little crazy, but I loved her. She was so good to me.” Carly looked at her lap. “I only had her a year. Then she died too.”
I shook my head. So much loss. I never would have guessed this about Carly.
“After that I was shoved in and out of foster homes, all the way until I graduated from high school.” Carly’s voice dropped. “Those years were terrible. I can’t tell you how bad. I
won’t
tell you all that happened to
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