are Emily, and I am proud.’ Tom
assures me lightly.
We enjoy a lovely evening together with no
snipping or arguments, it is as if all is right with the world once again.
This is how it should be Tom was patient enough to wait as long as he did with
me hanging in the background standing between him and his wife. I am pleased
with my decision.
********
I have been in my new flat for six weeks,
when I feel unwell. There is a flu bug circling the building at work and I
presume I have joined its many victims as I drag myself into the office. When
it is still lingering five days later, my boss sends me home with express
orders to visit the doctor.
‘So, no temperature, no diarrhea, your
bloody pressure is fine. It is probably this bug that is going around, are you
eating ok?’ the doctor recaps.
‘No, not really can’t seem to face anything,’
I reply.
‘Probably why you feel so run down if you
aren’t eating properly, take a couple of days off to rest and we will do a
routine blood test. Book an appointment for a week, and we will review’
I return back to work the next day
regardless, I need this job and cannot take days off here and there as I used
to with the temping, in those days if you didn’t go in you didn’t get paid. If
I took off too much time here, they would dismiss me and I couldn’t afford for
that to happen.
A week later, I am sitting in front of the
doctor and I laugh. ‘No, I am not pregnant. I haven’t had sex in months.’
‘Well, your tests indicate that you are in
fact pregnant. When was your last period?’ she asks.
‘A few weeks ago,’ I shrug.
‘Normal period, not shorter, or lighter?’
she hints.
‘Not that I remember. I only bleed for a
couple of days that is normal for me,’ I explain, ‘we used a condom anyway.’
‘Every time? It never split, or fell off?’
she arches an eyebrow, ‘believe me, that’s all it takes and I am talking from
experience.’ She points to a framed photo of a little boy about two, ‘pulled
out and the condom remained inside me, that’s all it took!’
‘Oh my god!’ I feel sick remembering the
shower, when we had sex in the shower he would pull out ‘the shower!’ I bend
over as a wave of nausea hits, the doctor places a bowl in front of me and
pours a glass of water.
‘I take it this isn’t good news,’ the
doctor murmurs warmly, ‘you do have options Emily.’
All I can think of is Lucy, oh my god Lucy
would die for a baby and I just pop one out after an incident in the shower. I
couldn’t go through the ordeal of an abortion, I couldn’t get rid of Matt’s
baby, but I can’t tell him or Lucy, oh my god this isn’t happening.
‘Are you ok?’ the doctor is leaning over me,
her hand on my back.
‘I was going to be a surrogate for my
sister.’ I mutter, confusion filling my mind.
‘Oh dear, I see your dilemma, you hadn’t
started treatment?’ she confirms.
‘No, her husband put an end to the idea,
but this will kill them,’ tears are in my eyes.
‘No Emily, I am sure if they love you they
will be fully supportive, if not a little envious,’ she assures me, ‘we need to
get a scan done ASAP if you think you must be a few months along.’
How am I going to manage financially? I
will have to work up to the due date and take just a few weeks off, I will have
to pay for childcare. I have never felt so alone in my life and the one person
I want to tell, I can’t it would break her heart.
I sit in the waiting room at the hospital,
mesmerized by all the protruding abdomens that are present. I am in a daze as
the sonographer places the jelly on my tummy and moves the probe around.
‘There we are, there is your baby,’ I turn
and look, squinting for a moment, before I see the tiny baby arched around a
flicker, which I guess is the heartbeat. A cross appears and stretches across
the screen as the sonographer takes the measurements, ‘my guess is you are
about twelve weeks! Have you
assures me lightly.
We enjoy a lovely evening together with no
snipping or arguments, it is as if all is right with the world once again.
This is how it should be Tom was patient enough to wait as long as he did with
me hanging in the background standing between him and his wife. I am pleased
with my decision.
********
I have been in my new flat for six weeks,
when I feel unwell. There is a flu bug circling the building at work and I
presume I have joined its many victims as I drag myself into the office. When
it is still lingering five days later, my boss sends me home with express
orders to visit the doctor.
‘So, no temperature, no diarrhea, your
bloody pressure is fine. It is probably this bug that is going around, are you
eating ok?’ the doctor recaps.
‘No, not really can’t seem to face anything,’
I reply.
‘Probably why you feel so run down if you
aren’t eating properly, take a couple of days off to rest and we will do a
routine blood test. Book an appointment for a week, and we will review’
I return back to work the next day
regardless, I need this job and cannot take days off here and there as I used
to with the temping, in those days if you didn’t go in you didn’t get paid. If
I took off too much time here, they would dismiss me and I couldn’t afford for
that to happen.
A week later, I am sitting in front of the
doctor and I laugh. ‘No, I am not pregnant. I haven’t had sex in months.’
‘Well, your tests indicate that you are in
fact pregnant. When was your last period?’ she asks.
‘A few weeks ago,’ I shrug.
‘Normal period, not shorter, or lighter?’
she hints.
‘Not that I remember. I only bleed for a
couple of days that is normal for me,’ I explain, ‘we used a condom anyway.’
‘Every time? It never split, or fell off?’
she arches an eyebrow, ‘believe me, that’s all it takes and I am talking from
experience.’ She points to a framed photo of a little boy about two, ‘pulled
out and the condom remained inside me, that’s all it took!’
‘Oh my god!’ I feel sick remembering the
shower, when we had sex in the shower he would pull out ‘the shower!’ I bend
over as a wave of nausea hits, the doctor places a bowl in front of me and
pours a glass of water.
‘I take it this isn’t good news,’ the
doctor murmurs warmly, ‘you do have options Emily.’
All I can think of is Lucy, oh my god Lucy
would die for a baby and I just pop one out after an incident in the shower. I
couldn’t go through the ordeal of an abortion, I couldn’t get rid of Matt’s
baby, but I can’t tell him or Lucy, oh my god this isn’t happening.
‘Are you ok?’ the doctor is leaning over me,
her hand on my back.
‘I was going to be a surrogate for my
sister.’ I mutter, confusion filling my mind.
‘Oh dear, I see your dilemma, you hadn’t
started treatment?’ she confirms.
‘No, her husband put an end to the idea,
but this will kill them,’ tears are in my eyes.
‘No Emily, I am sure if they love you they
will be fully supportive, if not a little envious,’ she assures me, ‘we need to
get a scan done ASAP if you think you must be a few months along.’
How am I going to manage financially? I
will have to work up to the due date and take just a few weeks off, I will have
to pay for childcare. I have never felt so alone in my life and the one person
I want to tell, I can’t it would break her heart.
I sit in the waiting room at the hospital,
mesmerized by all the protruding abdomens that are present. I am in a daze as
the sonographer places the jelly on my tummy and moves the probe around.
‘There we are, there is your baby,’ I turn
and look, squinting for a moment, before I see the tiny baby arched around a
flicker, which I guess is the heartbeat. A cross appears and stretches across
the screen as the sonographer takes the measurements, ‘my guess is you are
about twelve weeks! Have you
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