only just found out?’
‘Yes, I still have my periods.’ I explain.
‘Happens sometimes,’ she shrugs, ‘well
everything seems fine, has your doctor given you folic acid and vitamins?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you want a picture?’ she urges.
‘Yes, please.’ I watch the baby wriggle
about, it is really a baby. When I reach my flat I place the scan picture in
my bedside cabinet and push it to the back of my mind. I am not showing in the
slightest, if anything I look slimmer than normal, due to the sickness. I go
about my days in the normal way the sickness easing slightly after a few weeks,
my boobs are the only thing that seem to be growing. I take to wearing looser
clothes, not because I particularly need them, but so that people won’t notice
when I do.
I visit Lucy and Tom and feel awful sitting
there with my baby safely tucked away and them unable to have any.
‘You ok, Em?’ Tom asks, when Lucy exits the
room.
I think about confiding in Tom but then
remember that I will once again be encouraging him to keep something from Lucy,
which inadvertently will be interfering in their marriage.
My mouth opens then Lucy reenters, ‘you
look a bit pale, Emily,’ Lucy tilts her head to the side.
‘Everything is fine,’ I reassure her, my
eyes moving down to my plate, ‘how are things with you?’ I use diversion
tactics.
‘Yeah, periods aren’t as bad thankfully,’
she rolls her eyes about to say something then stops herself, it is going to be
a subject that we cannot discuss now, I realize this. I stand and collect the
plates moving into the kitchen ready to load up the dishwasher.
‘You know I am always here if you need to
talk don’t you?’ Tom murmurs, handing me some crockery.
I stand up and look at him nodding, ‘I
appreciate that, but not this time. I am afraid I have to do this alone,’ he appears
as if he wants to say something, but refrains.
‘You haven’t touched your wine,’ Lucy calls
from the dining room.
‘No, I still feel a bit icky from that bug,’
I call, as I feel my cheeks flush.
‘Maybe you need to visit the doctor that
has been going on too long,’ she lectures me and I make an unintelligible
sound.
When I hug both of them goodbye, Tom hugs
me tighter than usual, ‘you know where we are Em,’ and I nod.
Chapter Eleven
I am once again seated in the waiting room
of the hospital anticipating my twenty week scan, which I am four weeks late
for. I can no longer remain in denial over the pregnancy my bump has literally
appeared overnight, it is becoming that even with loose fitting blouses and
cardigans over my work skirts they had started to cling. I can no longer wear
dresses as they emphasize the small round bulge. There was no getting away
from it, I was having a baby.
I hadn’t been to Tom and Lucy’s for some weeks,
choosing instead to call Lucy regularly pleading how busy I was at work and out
with my new found friends.
‘You sure you are ok though,’ Lucy had
stressed, ‘I haven’t seen you for weeks Emily, you aren’t purposely staying
away from Tom and I are you?’
‘No Luce, I promise all is good with you
and Tom, I thought you would be pleased for me finding myself a life.’ I feel
slightly ashamed of my emotional blackmail.
‘I am really, can we catch up this week? Save
a slot for me please, I miss you.’ she had pleaded.
‘Of course, I miss you too,’ I knew I would
once again find an excuse to remain away from the prying eyes of my very astute
sister.
The sonographer calls me in and I lay on
the bed, ‘Ok, this one is just to check on baby’s progress ensuring that he or
she is growing at the rate they are supposed to be so…’ The probe moves over my
bump and I see my baby once again. Its thumb is in its mouth and I put my hand
to my face to prevent a sob escape.
‘It is ok, all mums get emotional, it is
the hormones,’ she smiles as the cross appears once again measuring. ‘Do you
want to know
‘Yes, I still have my periods.’ I explain.
‘Happens sometimes,’ she shrugs, ‘well
everything seems fine, has your doctor given you folic acid and vitamins?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you want a picture?’ she urges.
‘Yes, please.’ I watch the baby wriggle
about, it is really a baby. When I reach my flat I place the scan picture in
my bedside cabinet and push it to the back of my mind. I am not showing in the
slightest, if anything I look slimmer than normal, due to the sickness. I go
about my days in the normal way the sickness easing slightly after a few weeks,
my boobs are the only thing that seem to be growing. I take to wearing looser
clothes, not because I particularly need them, but so that people won’t notice
when I do.
I visit Lucy and Tom and feel awful sitting
there with my baby safely tucked away and them unable to have any.
‘You ok, Em?’ Tom asks, when Lucy exits the
room.
I think about confiding in Tom but then
remember that I will once again be encouraging him to keep something from Lucy,
which inadvertently will be interfering in their marriage.
My mouth opens then Lucy reenters, ‘you
look a bit pale, Emily,’ Lucy tilts her head to the side.
‘Everything is fine,’ I reassure her, my
eyes moving down to my plate, ‘how are things with you?’ I use diversion
tactics.
‘Yeah, periods aren’t as bad thankfully,’
she rolls her eyes about to say something then stops herself, it is going to be
a subject that we cannot discuss now, I realize this. I stand and collect the
plates moving into the kitchen ready to load up the dishwasher.
‘You know I am always here if you need to
talk don’t you?’ Tom murmurs, handing me some crockery.
I stand up and look at him nodding, ‘I
appreciate that, but not this time. I am afraid I have to do this alone,’ he appears
as if he wants to say something, but refrains.
‘You haven’t touched your wine,’ Lucy calls
from the dining room.
‘No, I still feel a bit icky from that bug,’
I call, as I feel my cheeks flush.
‘Maybe you need to visit the doctor that
has been going on too long,’ she lectures me and I make an unintelligible
sound.
When I hug both of them goodbye, Tom hugs
me tighter than usual, ‘you know where we are Em,’ and I nod.
Chapter Eleven
I am once again seated in the waiting room
of the hospital anticipating my twenty week scan, which I am four weeks late
for. I can no longer remain in denial over the pregnancy my bump has literally
appeared overnight, it is becoming that even with loose fitting blouses and
cardigans over my work skirts they had started to cling. I can no longer wear
dresses as they emphasize the small round bulge. There was no getting away
from it, I was having a baby.
I hadn’t been to Tom and Lucy’s for some weeks,
choosing instead to call Lucy regularly pleading how busy I was at work and out
with my new found friends.
‘You sure you are ok though,’ Lucy had
stressed, ‘I haven’t seen you for weeks Emily, you aren’t purposely staying
away from Tom and I are you?’
‘No Luce, I promise all is good with you
and Tom, I thought you would be pleased for me finding myself a life.’ I feel
slightly ashamed of my emotional blackmail.
‘I am really, can we catch up this week? Save
a slot for me please, I miss you.’ she had pleaded.
‘Of course, I miss you too,’ I knew I would
once again find an excuse to remain away from the prying eyes of my very astute
sister.
The sonographer calls me in and I lay on
the bed, ‘Ok, this one is just to check on baby’s progress ensuring that he or
she is growing at the rate they are supposed to be so…’ The probe moves over my
bump and I see my baby once again. Its thumb is in its mouth and I put my hand
to my face to prevent a sob escape.
‘It is ok, all mums get emotional, it is
the hormones,’ she smiles as the cross appears once again measuring. ‘Do you
want to know
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