though I’ve committed everything about her to memory, I want this physical photo of her to help me on my worst days. Today was the best, yet worst day of my life. But there are darker days ahead of me. Those days are all the days I will have without her. On days that I feel like giving up, I’ll pull this picture out and let her smile urge me on. I’ll use my thumbs to trace her face and remember how perfect we are together. This picture will remain on me at all times.
I lean over the bed and run my fingers down the side of her face. “Goodbye, butterfly.” I cover her up and head out. Tears fog my vision as I climb into my Jeep. I’m not sure what the future holds for me, but I sure as hell hope it brings me back here. I pull out of the drive and head to Camp Lejeune, leaving behind my love, my life, my future.
Three and a Half Years Later
“HEY AL, HOW’S it going?” Kyle asks, holding the phone between our ears. For the last three years, I’ve listened to almost every conversation they’ve had. I’ve read every letter and I’ve seen all the pictures she sent to Kyle. God, she was beautiful when I left, but now her beauty is indescribable. I had a really hard time adjusting when I left Jacksonville. All I wanted to do was hear her voice, hear her laugh. Kyle decided that if I promised to remain silent, he’d let me listen to her as they talked. I’ve listened to her ever since. Now, it hasn’t always been easy listening to her and keeping my mouth shut. No. The first few calls he let me listen in on were completely heartbreaking, simply soul shattering.
Those conversations I would listen to her cry. She told Kyle how I left her without notice. She elaborated on how much she hates me and wishes she’d never met me. I wanted nothing more than to tell her I’m here. I love you. To tell her that I’m sorry, and that she’s on my mind ever second of every day, but still I keep quiet.
Kyle and I hardly ever get to go back home at the same time, but I make sure he takes her a gift each time he goes home. Of course, she doesn’t know they’re from me, but that doesn’t matter. When I get to go back on leave, I stay at the barracks, and never leave the grounds. I can’t risk someone seeing me and telling Allie that I’m in town.
Although she believes Kyle’s convinced that she hates me, we know differently. He said that she’s dated a few guys here and there, but she won’t commit to them. Which provides me with hope that she’ll take me back when I return home. We have six months left over in this shit hole, and I’m running out of this motherfucker like my boxers are soaked in gasoline and they’re firing missiles at my ass. I can’t get out of here fast enough.
“Not much, really. Sophie, Blake, and I are going to Willie’s tonight. Nothing spectacular or anything,” she replies. I’ve heard her talk a lot about these two, but I have to admit that I feel a little threatened by this Blake guy. She seems to be pretty fond of him, always bragging about how amazingly sweet he is and shit. If he were gay, I wouldn’t care, but he isn’t. Kyle already checked.
“Yeah. You’re not drinking though, are you?” Kyle asks protectively. The sound I love most fills my ears.
“I did plan on knocking back a few beers or so. Ya know, just until my tongue goes numb, and then I’ll slow it down,” she laughs.
“ Haha, funny girl,” Kyle smiles.
“I already told you that I don’t drink. Stop asking...Dad,” she teases.
“Good, keep it that way,” Kyle orders. “Hey look, I got to go, but I’ll try to call you again later,” Kyle informs.
“Okay,” Allie sighs. “I love you, be safe,” she adds.
“Love you too. And have fun, but not too much. Talk to you later, Al.” As usual, my heart drops as he hangs up the phone. He slaps me on the shoulder before we head out . “Head up, man. It won’t be too long and you’ll have her in your arms again.”
God, I hope
I lean over the bed and run my fingers down the side of her face. “Goodbye, butterfly.” I cover her up and head out. Tears fog my vision as I climb into my Jeep. I’m not sure what the future holds for me, but I sure as hell hope it brings me back here. I pull out of the drive and head to Camp Lejeune, leaving behind my love, my life, my future.
Three and a Half Years Later
“HEY AL, HOW’S it going?” Kyle asks, holding the phone between our ears. For the last three years, I’ve listened to almost every conversation they’ve had. I’ve read every letter and I’ve seen all the pictures she sent to Kyle. God, she was beautiful when I left, but now her beauty is indescribable. I had a really hard time adjusting when I left Jacksonville. All I wanted to do was hear her voice, hear her laugh. Kyle decided that if I promised to remain silent, he’d let me listen to her as they talked. I’ve listened to her ever since. Now, it hasn’t always been easy listening to her and keeping my mouth shut. No. The first few calls he let me listen in on were completely heartbreaking, simply soul shattering.
Those conversations I would listen to her cry. She told Kyle how I left her without notice. She elaborated on how much she hates me and wishes she’d never met me. I wanted nothing more than to tell her I’m here. I love you. To tell her that I’m sorry, and that she’s on my mind ever second of every day, but still I keep quiet.
Kyle and I hardly ever get to go back home at the same time, but I make sure he takes her a gift each time he goes home. Of course, she doesn’t know they’re from me, but that doesn’t matter. When I get to go back on leave, I stay at the barracks, and never leave the grounds. I can’t risk someone seeing me and telling Allie that I’m in town.
Although she believes Kyle’s convinced that she hates me, we know differently. He said that she’s dated a few guys here and there, but she won’t commit to them. Which provides me with hope that she’ll take me back when I return home. We have six months left over in this shit hole, and I’m running out of this motherfucker like my boxers are soaked in gasoline and they’re firing missiles at my ass. I can’t get out of here fast enough.
“Not much, really. Sophie, Blake, and I are going to Willie’s tonight. Nothing spectacular or anything,” she replies. I’ve heard her talk a lot about these two, but I have to admit that I feel a little threatened by this Blake guy. She seems to be pretty fond of him, always bragging about how amazingly sweet he is and shit. If he were gay, I wouldn’t care, but he isn’t. Kyle already checked.
“Yeah. You’re not drinking though, are you?” Kyle asks protectively. The sound I love most fills my ears.
“I did plan on knocking back a few beers or so. Ya know, just until my tongue goes numb, and then I’ll slow it down,” she laughs.
“ Haha, funny girl,” Kyle smiles.
“I already told you that I don’t drink. Stop asking...Dad,” she teases.
“Good, keep it that way,” Kyle orders. “Hey look, I got to go, but I’ll try to call you again later,” Kyle informs.
“Okay,” Allie sighs. “I love you, be safe,” she adds.
“Love you too. And have fun, but not too much. Talk to you later, Al.” As usual, my heart drops as he hangs up the phone. He slaps me on the shoulder before we head out . “Head up, man. It won’t be too long and you’ll have her in your arms again.”
God, I hope
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