news to their parents. She wondered if she’d known back then what lay ahead for them, would she have still gone through with it?
Once this day would have been a dream come true, now it was filled with more sadness than joy. For Sammy’s sake, she tried to hide her unhappiness. She wanted this year to be the best Christmas ever for Sammy.
“Momma, what time will Santa come tonight?”
Jack shook his head and smiled at their son. “Your mother and I just got married and all you can think about is Santa?”
“No, I liked the ceremony too. Momma looked pretty, didn’t she?”
“Yes.” The gentling in Jack’s tone made her want to cry. She knew if she looked up, she’d find him watching her again, as he’d done for most of the day.
She wondered what his thoughts were today. Was he remembering their first marriage in the same way as she was? Or was he thinking it had been the biggest mistake of his life?
“But then, your mother was always the prettiest girl around.”
“Momma, what’s wrong?” Leave it to her smart son to pick up on what she was feeling. They’d gotten used to it being just the two of them. He probably knew her better than anyone did.
If she didn’t get control of herself, she’d be crying soon. She tried to smile and reassure Sammy. She didn’t want anything to take away from his happiness. “Nothing, honey. I just think that if we’re going to the church service tonight, you have got to take a nap, so finish your lunch, baby.”
“Okay, Momma.” Sammy accepted her answer without question. She hated that she’d just lied to him.
He took a huge bite from his hamburger and grinned at her. She couldn’t remember seeing him this happy in a long time. That was all that mattered. Sammy’s happiness. If having Jack in his life made him this happy, then she’d do whatever it took to keep it that way.
With Sammy sleeping, it was just the two of them. It was awkward being alone with their new marital status. And even though Jack tried to put her at ease, she was all too aware of the things that were missing from their marriage this time around. She busied herself making pies for the following day.
“Want to talk about it?” She hadn’t realized he’d followed her until he spoke.
She took the last pie from the oven and set it on the stovetop to cool before answering. “I don’t want to talk. I’m tired, Jack. I’m going to go lie down for a bit. I’ll see you later.” She didn’t wait for his answer. She couldn’t. The tears that had been so close for most of the day had started to fall. She couldn’t even begin to stop them.
She ran past the bedroom she’d once shared with Sam, straight through to the small master bath, closing the door behind her. She undressed and turned on the shower to drown out the sound of her sobs. She’d never felt this lost before. Not even after losing Jack the first time.
Rachel glanced down at the wedding ring on her left hand. A perfect emerald-cut diamond. Jack told her he’d brought it with him from Austin. He’d been so sure of her answer even then. She held it up to catch the light, drops of water falling from it like her tears. For the life of her, she couldn’t see the beauty in it. It felt as if she’d just sold her happiness in exchange for her son’s.
*****
Rachel awoke with a start . She felt disoriented. Something had awakened her from the troubled sleep she’d fallen into. She realized it was Jack. Seated next to her, he was shaking her gently awake.
She bolted up, trying to focus. The room around them was dark, adding to the feeling of confusion. “What is it?”
He caught her against him. “Hey, relax. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. It’s just past six.”
She pushed his hands away and felt his disapproval. “No, I need to get up and get Sammy ready.” She started to get out of bed and remembered that she wore only her old faded robe.
“It’s okay. Sammy’s already up and fed and I’ve
C. J. Cherryh
Learning to Kill: Stories
John O'Riley
Brenda Sinclair
Christopher George
Stephen Lloyd Jones
Karl Iagnemma
Celya Bowers
Jill Gregory
Aria Cunningham