says Joel. 'But I know it was her
I dreamt about.'
'It would be just like her to start haunting you in your
dreams,' says Samuel, and now he sounds annoyed.
'Why?' asks Samuel.
'You shouldn't think so much about your mother,'
says Samuel. 'I understand that it's not so easy for you
not to have a mum, but she was no good. She wasn't the
person I thought she was.'
'What was she like, then?' asks Joel.
Samuel looks long and hard at him.
'We can talk about that when you're a bit bigger,' he
says, getting up from the table.
'How much bigger?' wonders Joel.
Samuel doesn't answer but goes to fetch his newspaper.
When he comes back he pauses and looks at Joel.
'No doubt you think your mother was a wonderful
person,' he says. 'I don't want to disappoint you. We can
talk about her when you're a bit bigger.'
Then he goes to his room leaving Joel on his own at
the table.
'Disappoint you', he thinks.
What does Samuel – the man he no longer calls father
– know about Joel's disappointments?
Nothing . . .
If he goes to Sara again tonight, I shall run away, he
thinks.
He stays in his room all evening. He moves his tin
soldiers back and forth without paying any attention to
what he's doing.
He wonders if Ture will be able to help him scare
Sara off.
It's hardly going to be possible to scare Samuel. How
can you scare somebody who doesn't understand anything?
If he knew what Joel was thinking, he wouldn't
bother about Sara of course . . . It occurs to him that there
might be another possibility.
What if he were to go and see Sara himself? Go to the
bar and tell her to leave Samuel alone. Tell her that he
was the one who threw that stone, and that he doesn't
want any sisters with red hats.
Maybe she would understand that it was important.
After all, she had a boy herself who was killed in a fire.
He goes to bed and thinks that might be the best
solution. He'll go to the bar and talk to Sara.
Suddenly Samuel appears in the doorway.
He comes to sit on Joel's bed. He smiles, but it seems
to Joel that the smile isn't anything to do with him, but
because Samuel is thinking about Sara.
'Would you like to hear a sea story?' asks Samuel.
Joel would really, but he forces himself to say no.
'I'm nearly asleep already,' he says.
'Sleep well, then,' says Samuel. 'Maybe tomorrow. . . '
Joel wraps the alarm clock in a sock and places it
under his pillow. He wishes he didn't have to get up
tonight. If he doesn't turn up at school tomorrow Miss
Nederström will start wondering what's going on.
Best of all would be to sleep right through until
summer. Wake up and know that it was the summer
holidays and that Sara had moved to somewhere a long
way away. If only it were possible just once to wish for
something it was impossible to wish for . . .
Even so he is happy when the alarm goes off and he
wakes up. The first thing he hears is Samuel snoring
next door. So he hasn't gone to see Sara tonight.
Perhaps that stone through the window was enough,
he thinks. Perhaps Samuel will never go there again?
Now he no longer feels tired.
Perhaps everything can be just like it used to be?
He gets dressed, goes downstairs and out into the night.
It's not as cold as it has been, so it doesn't hurt when
he breathes.
Spring is on its way, he thinks. First comes spring,
and then the summer holidays . . .
Ture is waiting for him by the goods wagons. He has
a spade with him, and a paper sack.
The ant hill, thinks Joel. He'd forgotten about that.
But why does Ture want Joel to show him an ant hill?
Next to the sawmill there's a clump of trees with lots
of ant hills. Maybe the snow isn't so deep there.
Joel takes the paper sack and they hurry off. As usual
everything is quiet and deserted.
As they pass the church they see the rear lights of The
Old Bricklayer's lorry as it turns into Hedevägen.
Next to the roots of a fallen tree they find an ant hill
with not much snow covering it.
Ture has brought a torch so that they can pick their
I dreamt about.'
'It would be just like her to start haunting you in your
dreams,' says Samuel, and now he sounds annoyed.
'Why?' asks Samuel.
'You shouldn't think so much about your mother,'
says Samuel. 'I understand that it's not so easy for you
not to have a mum, but she was no good. She wasn't the
person I thought she was.'
'What was she like, then?' asks Joel.
Samuel looks long and hard at him.
'We can talk about that when you're a bit bigger,' he
says, getting up from the table.
'How much bigger?' wonders Joel.
Samuel doesn't answer but goes to fetch his newspaper.
When he comes back he pauses and looks at Joel.
'No doubt you think your mother was a wonderful
person,' he says. 'I don't want to disappoint you. We can
talk about her when you're a bit bigger.'
Then he goes to his room leaving Joel on his own at
the table.
'Disappoint you', he thinks.
What does Samuel – the man he no longer calls father
– know about Joel's disappointments?
Nothing . . .
If he goes to Sara again tonight, I shall run away, he
thinks.
He stays in his room all evening. He moves his tin
soldiers back and forth without paying any attention to
what he's doing.
He wonders if Ture will be able to help him scare
Sara off.
It's hardly going to be possible to scare Samuel. How
can you scare somebody who doesn't understand anything?
If he knew what Joel was thinking, he wouldn't
bother about Sara of course . . . It occurs to him that there
might be another possibility.
What if he were to go and see Sara himself? Go to the
bar and tell her to leave Samuel alone. Tell her that he
was the one who threw that stone, and that he doesn't
want any sisters with red hats.
Maybe she would understand that it was important.
After all, she had a boy herself who was killed in a fire.
He goes to bed and thinks that might be the best
solution. He'll go to the bar and talk to Sara.
Suddenly Samuel appears in the doorway.
He comes to sit on Joel's bed. He smiles, but it seems
to Joel that the smile isn't anything to do with him, but
because Samuel is thinking about Sara.
'Would you like to hear a sea story?' asks Samuel.
Joel would really, but he forces himself to say no.
'I'm nearly asleep already,' he says.
'Sleep well, then,' says Samuel. 'Maybe tomorrow. . . '
Joel wraps the alarm clock in a sock and places it
under his pillow. He wishes he didn't have to get up
tonight. If he doesn't turn up at school tomorrow Miss
Nederström will start wondering what's going on.
Best of all would be to sleep right through until
summer. Wake up and know that it was the summer
holidays and that Sara had moved to somewhere a long
way away. If only it were possible just once to wish for
something it was impossible to wish for . . .
Even so he is happy when the alarm goes off and he
wakes up. The first thing he hears is Samuel snoring
next door. So he hasn't gone to see Sara tonight.
Perhaps that stone through the window was enough,
he thinks. Perhaps Samuel will never go there again?
Now he no longer feels tired.
Perhaps everything can be just like it used to be?
He gets dressed, goes downstairs and out into the night.
It's not as cold as it has been, so it doesn't hurt when
he breathes.
Spring is on its way, he thinks. First comes spring,
and then the summer holidays . . .
Ture is waiting for him by the goods wagons. He has
a spade with him, and a paper sack.
The ant hill, thinks Joel. He'd forgotten about that.
But why does Ture want Joel to show him an ant hill?
Next to the sawmill there's a clump of trees with lots
of ant hills. Maybe the snow isn't so deep there.
Joel takes the paper sack and they hurry off. As usual
everything is quiet and deserted.
As they pass the church they see the rear lights of The
Old Bricklayer's lorry as it turns into Hedevägen.
Next to the roots of a fallen tree they find an ant hill
with not much snow covering it.
Ture has brought a torch so that they can pick their
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