He sits on the kitchen
bench with tears running down his cheeks. He sits there
for ages.
Then he takes out the logbook from underneath Celestine . He finds a pen and writes on an empty page:
'All the crew have been lost now. The last one to be
swept overboard was Able Seaman Samuel Gustafson.
His son fought to the last to save him, but it was all in
vain.
The only one left on board now is Joel Gustafson.
No other soul, only Joel Gustafson . . . '
7
When Joel wakes up next morning and goes to the kitchen,
he sees that Samuel has not been at home all night. The
stove is cold and there is no dirty coffee cup in the sink.
He is gripped by fear once again. It's a monster inside
his stomach. An animal with vicious teeth and sharp
claws, a beast eating its fill inside frightened people.
Joel decides to go out, lie down in the forest and die.
Samuel is not going to return.
He has gone away just like his mother did, and left
Joel behind. He didn't even bother to take his son down
to Mrs Westman's and leave him there.
He tries to convince himself that this isn't the case,
and that he's only imagining it, but to believe that he'd
have to ignore the cold stove and the coffee cup that
isn't where it usually is.
He can't do that. There's a limit to how far he can go
to fool himself.
He gets dressed and goes out into the street. It's colder
again and steam comes out of his mouth when he breathes.
He can't go to school. That's out of the question.
Everybody would be able to see by looking at him that
Samuel had abandoned him and moved in with Sara, the
waitress in the local bar. He makes up his mind to go so
far into the forest that he won't be able to find his way
back, and so can't have any second thoughts.
The forest is most extensive to the north, he knows
that. There are also a lot of deep ravines and black tarns
there. Lots of people have lost their way in that part of
the forest and never returned. Now he'll become one of
them. The difference being that he'll get lost on purpose.
He goes up the hill to the railway station, thinking that
this is the last time. He turns round halfway up and
surveys his own footprints. He remembers that his name
is carved into the rock down by the river.
That will still be there when he's gone.
What has happened seems so unfair. How can you
blame yourself when you can't choose your own parents?
And why would Sara want to choose Samuel? Or is it
Samuel who's chosen her?
Perhaps he thinks I've been a bad mum to myself,
Joel muses.
Maybe he thinks I've been just as bad as Jenny.
He stops when he comes to the road leading to Simon
Windstorm's house.
Perhaps he can have a taste of Simon's soup before he
goes to get lost in the forest? If it's true that it will enable
him to see into the future, he'll be able to find out what
happens after he's dead.
He walks through the dense fir trees, follows the lorry
tracks and finds himself in the forecourt. Rusty
machines, dismantled motor cars and power-looms are
lying around everywhere, part-covered in snow.
It's like a cemetery, he thinks. Although the gravestones
are rusty machines and don't have names carved on them.
He looks at the dilapidated house. There is no smoke
coming out of the chimney, not a sound to be heard.
He approaches one of the windows and peers inside.
The Old Bricklayer is sitting at a table, reading a book.
He has a pen in one hand, and occasionally writes something
in the book.
Suddenly, he looks up, straight at Joel, and waves to
him. Joel hears Simon inviting him inside.
When Joel takes hold of the door handle he notices that
it turns the wrong way, the opposite way to all other door
handles he's ever come across. He enters a murky
vestibule smelling of tar. A pile of newspapers reaches up
to the ceiling. There's also a tailor's dummy dressed in an
old fur coat.
The room where The Old Bricklayer is sitting smells
of smoke oozing out of a stove. A few hens are pecking
at the rag carpets.
'I have some soup for you,'
bench with tears running down his cheeks. He sits there
for ages.
Then he takes out the logbook from underneath Celestine . He finds a pen and writes on an empty page:
'All the crew have been lost now. The last one to be
swept overboard was Able Seaman Samuel Gustafson.
His son fought to the last to save him, but it was all in
vain.
The only one left on board now is Joel Gustafson.
No other soul, only Joel Gustafson . . . '
7
When Joel wakes up next morning and goes to the kitchen,
he sees that Samuel has not been at home all night. The
stove is cold and there is no dirty coffee cup in the sink.
He is gripped by fear once again. It's a monster inside
his stomach. An animal with vicious teeth and sharp
claws, a beast eating its fill inside frightened people.
Joel decides to go out, lie down in the forest and die.
Samuel is not going to return.
He has gone away just like his mother did, and left
Joel behind. He didn't even bother to take his son down
to Mrs Westman's and leave him there.
He tries to convince himself that this isn't the case,
and that he's only imagining it, but to believe that he'd
have to ignore the cold stove and the coffee cup that
isn't where it usually is.
He can't do that. There's a limit to how far he can go
to fool himself.
He gets dressed and goes out into the street. It's colder
again and steam comes out of his mouth when he breathes.
He can't go to school. That's out of the question.
Everybody would be able to see by looking at him that
Samuel had abandoned him and moved in with Sara, the
waitress in the local bar. He makes up his mind to go so
far into the forest that he won't be able to find his way
back, and so can't have any second thoughts.
The forest is most extensive to the north, he knows
that. There are also a lot of deep ravines and black tarns
there. Lots of people have lost their way in that part of
the forest and never returned. Now he'll become one of
them. The difference being that he'll get lost on purpose.
He goes up the hill to the railway station, thinking that
this is the last time. He turns round halfway up and
surveys his own footprints. He remembers that his name
is carved into the rock down by the river.
That will still be there when he's gone.
What has happened seems so unfair. How can you
blame yourself when you can't choose your own parents?
And why would Sara want to choose Samuel? Or is it
Samuel who's chosen her?
Perhaps he thinks I've been a bad mum to myself,
Joel muses.
Maybe he thinks I've been just as bad as Jenny.
He stops when he comes to the road leading to Simon
Windstorm's house.
Perhaps he can have a taste of Simon's soup before he
goes to get lost in the forest? If it's true that it will enable
him to see into the future, he'll be able to find out what
happens after he's dead.
He walks through the dense fir trees, follows the lorry
tracks and finds himself in the forecourt. Rusty
machines, dismantled motor cars and power-looms are
lying around everywhere, part-covered in snow.
It's like a cemetery, he thinks. Although the gravestones
are rusty machines and don't have names carved on them.
He looks at the dilapidated house. There is no smoke
coming out of the chimney, not a sound to be heard.
He approaches one of the windows and peers inside.
The Old Bricklayer is sitting at a table, reading a book.
He has a pen in one hand, and occasionally writes something
in the book.
Suddenly, he looks up, straight at Joel, and waves to
him. Joel hears Simon inviting him inside.
When Joel takes hold of the door handle he notices that
it turns the wrong way, the opposite way to all other door
handles he's ever come across. He enters a murky
vestibule smelling of tar. A pile of newspapers reaches up
to the ceiling. There's also a tailor's dummy dressed in an
old fur coat.
The room where The Old Bricklayer is sitting smells
of smoke oozing out of a stove. A few hens are pecking
at the rag carpets.
'I have some soup for you,'
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