92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by How to Talk to Anyone

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    ✰ 19 How to Enthrall ’Em
    with Your Choice of
    Topic—Them!
    Several years ago, a girlfriend and I attended a party saturated with a hodgepodge of swellegant folks. Everyone we talked to seemed to lead a nifty life. Discussing the party afterward, I asked my friend, “Diane, of all the exciting people at the party, who did you enjoy talking to most?”
    Without hesitation she said, “Oh by far, Dan Smith.”
    “What does Dan do?” I asked her.
    “Uh, well, I’m not sure,” she answered.
    “Where does he live?”
    “Uh, I don’t know,” Diane responded.
    “Well, what is he interested in?”
    “Well, we really didn’t talk about his interests.”
    “Diane,” I asked, “what did you talk about?”
    “Well, I guess we talked mostly about me.”
    “Aha,” I thought. Diane has just rubbed noses with a winner. As it turns out, I had the pleasure of meeting Big-Winner Dan several months later. Diane’s ignorance about his life piqued my curiosity so I grilled him for details. As it turns out, Dan lives in Paris, has a beach home in the south of France, and a mountain home in the Alps. He travels around the world producing sound and light shows for pyramids and ancient ruins—and he is an avid hang 76
    Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use. 02 (043-92B) part two 8/14/03 9:17 AM Page 77
    How to Enthrall ’Em with Your Choice of Topic—Them!
    77
    glider and scuba diver. Does this man have an interesting life or what? Yet Dan, when meeting Diane, said nothing about himself. I told Dan about how pleased Diane was to meet him yet how little she learned about his life. Dan simply replied, “Well, when I meet someone, I learn so much more if I ask about their life. I always try to turn the spotlight on the other person.” Truly confident people often do this. They know they grow more by listening than talking. Obviously, they also captivate the talker. Sell Yourself with a Top Sales Technique
    Several months ago at a speaker’s convention, I was talking with a colleague Brian Tracy. Brian does a brilliant job of training top salespeople. He tells his students of a giant spotlight that, when shining on their product, is not as interesting to the prospect. When they shine the spotlight on the prospect, they make the sale. Salespeople, this technique is especially crucial for you. Keep your “Swiveling Spotlight” aimed away from you, only lightly on your product, and most brightly on your buyer. You’ll do a much better job of selling yourself and your product.
    Technique #19
    The Swiv eling Spotlight
    When you meet someone, imagine a giant revolving
    spotlight between you. When you’re talking, the
    spotlight is on you. When the new person is speaking,
    it’s shining on him or her. If you shine it brightly
    enough, the stranger will be blinded to the fact that you have hardly said a word about yourself. The longer you
    keep it shining away from you, the more interesting he
    or she finds you.
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    ✰ 20 How to Never Need
    to Wonder, “What Do
    I Say Next?”
    Moments arise, of course, when even conversationalists extraordinaire hit the wall. Some folks’ monosyllabic grunts leave slim pickings even for masters of the Be a Word Detective technique. If you find yourself futilely fanning the embers of a dying conversation (and if you feel for political reasons or human compassion that the conversation should continue), here’s a foolproof trick to get the fire blazing again. I call it “Parroting” after that beautiful tropical bird that captures everyone’s heart simply by repeating other people’s words.
    Have you ever, puttering around the house, had the TV in the background tuned to a tennis game? You hear the ball going back and forth over the net—klink-klunk, klink-klunk, klink . . . this time you don’t hear the klunk. The ball didn’t hit the court. What happened? You