bed when I opened the
door. Hope stood with a wide smile. “They fit. I knew they would. The girls
have made you something to eat. They want you to know how thankful they are.”
As I followed her back to the kitchen, it hit me. Looking at
the girls frantically setting a table with the best they had, it hit me. They
were still terrified. Now they were terrified I was going to leave them.
“There’s plenty here, so eat until you pop,” said Katie,
pulling out a chair for me.
“So are you from here?” asked Mary Anne, putting a bowl of
soup in front of me. It clattered, spilling onto the plate from her trembling
hands. “I’m so sorry.”
“Mary Anne, you have to be more careful,” said Hope,
extending a cloth to wipe the spill. “We just got him cleaned up.”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“She’s always been a bit clumsy,” said Hope, smiling. “She’s
always tripping or dropping something. It keeps things entertaining around
here.”
“Daddy always says that –”
“Mary Anne,” interrupted Hope, cocking her head, staring at
her.
“What would you like to drink?” asked Mary Anne, getting the
hint, changing the subject. “We have water, tea, and juice.”
“Or something stronger if you like,” said Hope. “There’s
plenty of that, too.”
“Water is fine, thank you.”
It was surreal. A few hours earlier, they were being
brutalized, tortured, and raped by three men they didn’t know. Now, they doted
on another. With fresh cuts still oozing blood, they were trying so hard to be
normal; to be accommodating. I imagine they were told by their mother to do
whatever it took to keep me there, keeping them safe. Whatever pain they were
going through had to wait.
I had to leave. I had to leave now.
Without saying a word I left the kitchen to gather my
things. I heard more talking and then I heard a chair slide. Hope came into the
living room where I was strapping on my pack.
“I know you must have somewhere you need to go,” said Hope,
pleading with her eyes. “You must have a family waiting for you at home. But
you shouldn’t travel at night. It’s too dangerous. Please stay here and rest.
We’ll get you up early and send you on your way after a good breakfast. You
shouldn’t travel on an empty stomach.”
“I do have somewhere to go, Hope. I’m already very late.
Thank you for dinner and the clothes, but I have to go now.”
Hope dropped her head. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t
protect my girls. Please, for one night, let them sleep knowing nobody is going
to hurt them. Please.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
Walking down the front stairs, crossing the lawn toward the
oak tree, I heard footsteps running up behind me. Just keep walking.
“You can’t leave us!” said Katie. “What if they come back?”
“They’re dead,” I said, keeping up my pace. “They won’t be
coming back.”
“Not them,” said Katie. “I’m not stupid. I mean others.
There’s more like them out there. How are we going to stop them?”
“Katie!” screamed Hope, standing on the porch. “Get back in
here this instant. Let him go!”
“Coward,” whispered Katie, turning and running back to the
house.
It stopped me in my tracks, but only for a moment. I didn’t
owe them anything. I risked my life to save theirs. It wasn’t my problem if
they couldn’t see that. They were alive because of me.
Fuck you, Katie . You have no idea what I’ve been
through.
The anger lasted for two miles. I wasn’t even sure I was on
the right road. I stopped at an intersection to get my bearings. Looking at
where the sun was setting, I knew I was going in the right direction. I turned
and started walking the wrong way. I imagine my anger was standing there at the
crossroads, trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. I had no idea.
Looking across the field lit by a full moon, I saw a large
tractor perched on top of a hill. It had an enclosed cabin that would protect
me
door. Hope stood with a wide smile. “They fit. I knew they would. The girls
have made you something to eat. They want you to know how thankful they are.”
As I followed her back to the kitchen, it hit me. Looking at
the girls frantically setting a table with the best they had, it hit me. They
were still terrified. Now they were terrified I was going to leave them.
“There’s plenty here, so eat until you pop,” said Katie,
pulling out a chair for me.
“So are you from here?” asked Mary Anne, putting a bowl of
soup in front of me. It clattered, spilling onto the plate from her trembling
hands. “I’m so sorry.”
“Mary Anne, you have to be more careful,” said Hope,
extending a cloth to wipe the spill. “We just got him cleaned up.”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“She’s always been a bit clumsy,” said Hope, smiling. “She’s
always tripping or dropping something. It keeps things entertaining around
here.”
“Daddy always says that –”
“Mary Anne,” interrupted Hope, cocking her head, staring at
her.
“What would you like to drink?” asked Mary Anne, getting the
hint, changing the subject. “We have water, tea, and juice.”
“Or something stronger if you like,” said Hope. “There’s
plenty of that, too.”
“Water is fine, thank you.”
It was surreal. A few hours earlier, they were being
brutalized, tortured, and raped by three men they didn’t know. Now, they doted
on another. With fresh cuts still oozing blood, they were trying so hard to be
normal; to be accommodating. I imagine they were told by their mother to do
whatever it took to keep me there, keeping them safe. Whatever pain they were
going through had to wait.
I had to leave. I had to leave now.
Without saying a word I left the kitchen to gather my
things. I heard more talking and then I heard a chair slide. Hope came into the
living room where I was strapping on my pack.
“I know you must have somewhere you need to go,” said Hope,
pleading with her eyes. “You must have a family waiting for you at home. But
you shouldn’t travel at night. It’s too dangerous. Please stay here and rest.
We’ll get you up early and send you on your way after a good breakfast. You
shouldn’t travel on an empty stomach.”
“I do have somewhere to go, Hope. I’m already very late.
Thank you for dinner and the clothes, but I have to go now.”
Hope dropped her head. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t
protect my girls. Please, for one night, let them sleep knowing nobody is going
to hurt them. Please.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
Walking down the front stairs, crossing the lawn toward the
oak tree, I heard footsteps running up behind me. Just keep walking.
“You can’t leave us!” said Katie. “What if they come back?”
“They’re dead,” I said, keeping up my pace. “They won’t be
coming back.”
“Not them,” said Katie. “I’m not stupid. I mean others.
There’s more like them out there. How are we going to stop them?”
“Katie!” screamed Hope, standing on the porch. “Get back in
here this instant. Let him go!”
“Coward,” whispered Katie, turning and running back to the
house.
It stopped me in my tracks, but only for a moment. I didn’t
owe them anything. I risked my life to save theirs. It wasn’t my problem if
they couldn’t see that. They were alive because of me.
Fuck you, Katie . You have no idea what I’ve been
through.
The anger lasted for two miles. I wasn’t even sure I was on
the right road. I stopped at an intersection to get my bearings. Looking at
where the sun was setting, I knew I was going in the right direction. I turned
and started walking the wrong way. I imagine my anger was standing there at the
crossroads, trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. I had no idea.
Looking across the field lit by a full moon, I saw a large
tractor perched on top of a hill. It had an enclosed cabin that would protect
me
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