squeezing Sam’s knee. That mulled wine must have been stronger than I’d thought. To distract myself, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to indulge in some daydreaming as Karl popped in a Christmas CD and the likes of Frank Sinatra and Elvis crooned about white Christmases and rocking around the tree. I was warm and relaxed and actually enjoying not being at work.
Before I knew it, Sam was gently shaking me awake. ‘Hey, sleepy head.’ He was leaning through my door and his face was so close to mine I could have kissed him if I’d just moved forwards an inch. I offered a smile and he reached over me and unclipped my seatbelt. I leaned forwards and inhaled. ‘Did you just sniff me, Katie?’ His face was back in front of mine again.
‘Uh…’ I did. I sniffed him. But he smelt so good.
‘Hope I don’t stink.’ He winked, then held out a hand to help me out of the Freelander.
Once out of the warm of the car, the icy cold hit me and I shivered.
‘Go on, Katie. You run ahead and I’ll grab your shopping.’
‘Okay but no peeking!’ I wagged a finger at him.
‘I would never do such a thing.’ He frowned as if offended.
I hurried across the yard and into the house with Karl, Angelo and Sam hot on my heels. The aroma of gingerbread hit me as soon as I opened the door and memories flashed before me. Dad dressed as Santa, turning up at our house on Christmas Eve when Karl and I were in our PJs. Granny dancing around the lounge with Granddad, clad in her sparkly gown, practising their steps before hitting the Christmas Ball. Mum sneaking Karl and me a midnight feast of gingerbread men and cocoa because we were too excited to sleep on Christmas Eve.
‘Hi, Mum.’ I went straight to the Aga and held my hands over the rising heat.
‘Hi, Katie. How was your shopping trip?’ Mum asked as she helped Holly to cut stars and angels out of shiny brown gingerbread dough. Their hands were covered in flour and they wore matching aprons, although Holly’s was clearly an adult’s and way too big for her. Seeing that tiny little girl with her rosy rounded cheeks, cupid’s bow mouth and black bunches, looking at Mum and seeking her approval did something to my heart. It was like a shard of ice had been lodged there and suddenly it moved a fraction. Would my own daughter have had the same tiny nose and long dark eyelashes?
Karl stood behind Esther and wrapped his arms around her. ‘Smells great, Mum.’
‘I wish I could hug my mummy.’ The sweet little voice sent me over the edge and I had to turn away and blink hard. The poor little girl. ‘But she’s a star in the sky now so she has a big job to do. Daddy says she’s watching over me.’
‘That’s right, Holly. She’ll always watch over you,’ Sam said as his huge frame filled the open doorway. His arms were laden with bags and I realised that he was probably carrying most of Karl and Angelo’s as well.
‘I know, Daddy.’ I was overwhelmed by an urge to hug her as she straightened her tiny shoulders and lifted her chin. Was she trying to be brave for Sam? ‘Did you get a tree?’ She gazed at her father, her brown eyes wide with hope.
Sam looked at the floor and shook his head gently. I watched Holly’s reaction. ‘Daddy, are you teasing?’ Her pretty mouth opened and closed as if she was trying to make him say the words she longed to hear.
Sam met her eyes. ‘What do you think, my angel?’
Holly clapped her hands together sending flour and bits of dough flying in all directions. ‘You did, Daddy! Where is it?’
‘Tied to the roof of Karl’s car. I’ll get it once I’ve unloaded these bags. Esther, I think your son and his boyfriend bought up the whole of Tonbridge.’
Mum laughed and nodded. ‘Sounds like Karl. Always did like to spend.’
‘Well what do you expect, Mum?’ Karl asked. ‘I like the finer things in life. Wonder where I got that from?’
‘Daddy, can I help you get the tree in?’ Holly interrupted the adult
Before I knew it, Sam was gently shaking me awake. ‘Hey, sleepy head.’ He was leaning through my door and his face was so close to mine I could have kissed him if I’d just moved forwards an inch. I offered a smile and he reached over me and unclipped my seatbelt. I leaned forwards and inhaled. ‘Did you just sniff me, Katie?’ His face was back in front of mine again.
‘Uh…’ I did. I sniffed him. But he smelt so good.
‘Hope I don’t stink.’ He winked, then held out a hand to help me out of the Freelander.
Once out of the warm of the car, the icy cold hit me and I shivered.
‘Go on, Katie. You run ahead and I’ll grab your shopping.’
‘Okay but no peeking!’ I wagged a finger at him.
‘I would never do such a thing.’ He frowned as if offended.
I hurried across the yard and into the house with Karl, Angelo and Sam hot on my heels. The aroma of gingerbread hit me as soon as I opened the door and memories flashed before me. Dad dressed as Santa, turning up at our house on Christmas Eve when Karl and I were in our PJs. Granny dancing around the lounge with Granddad, clad in her sparkly gown, practising their steps before hitting the Christmas Ball. Mum sneaking Karl and me a midnight feast of gingerbread men and cocoa because we were too excited to sleep on Christmas Eve.
‘Hi, Mum.’ I went straight to the Aga and held my hands over the rising heat.
‘Hi, Katie. How was your shopping trip?’ Mum asked as she helped Holly to cut stars and angels out of shiny brown gingerbread dough. Their hands were covered in flour and they wore matching aprons, although Holly’s was clearly an adult’s and way too big for her. Seeing that tiny little girl with her rosy rounded cheeks, cupid’s bow mouth and black bunches, looking at Mum and seeking her approval did something to my heart. It was like a shard of ice had been lodged there and suddenly it moved a fraction. Would my own daughter have had the same tiny nose and long dark eyelashes?
Karl stood behind Esther and wrapped his arms around her. ‘Smells great, Mum.’
‘I wish I could hug my mummy.’ The sweet little voice sent me over the edge and I had to turn away and blink hard. The poor little girl. ‘But she’s a star in the sky now so she has a big job to do. Daddy says she’s watching over me.’
‘That’s right, Holly. She’ll always watch over you,’ Sam said as his huge frame filled the open doorway. His arms were laden with bags and I realised that he was probably carrying most of Karl and Angelo’s as well.
‘I know, Daddy.’ I was overwhelmed by an urge to hug her as she straightened her tiny shoulders and lifted her chin. Was she trying to be brave for Sam? ‘Did you get a tree?’ She gazed at her father, her brown eyes wide with hope.
Sam looked at the floor and shook his head gently. I watched Holly’s reaction. ‘Daddy, are you teasing?’ Her pretty mouth opened and closed as if she was trying to make him say the words she longed to hear.
Sam met her eyes. ‘What do you think, my angel?’
Holly clapped her hands together sending flour and bits of dough flying in all directions. ‘You did, Daddy! Where is it?’
‘Tied to the roof of Karl’s car. I’ll get it once I’ve unloaded these bags. Esther, I think your son and his boyfriend bought up the whole of Tonbridge.’
Mum laughed and nodded. ‘Sounds like Karl. Always did like to spend.’
‘Well what do you expect, Mum?’ Karl asked. ‘I like the finer things in life. Wonder where I got that from?’
‘Daddy, can I help you get the tree in?’ Holly interrupted the adult
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