the forests, whereas others it was good to chop the trees down as they planted more which was then good for the environment apparently. I found it all rather confusing and contradictory. ‘It’s lovely, Sam and Katie. Why don’t you two decide where it looks best?’
My mouth fell open. Had she just given us her approval? Really?
‘Katie, close your mouth or you’ll stay like that when the wind blows.’ Esther winked at me and I made an effort to press my lips together. Had the Ghost of Christmas Past been to visit my mother to make her change her wicked ways? Whatever next?
We walked through to the hallway and Sam set the tree down. It had already left a trail of pine needles in its wake and I made a mental note to find a dustpan and brush.
‘Is it true?’ Holly pulled on my hand so I looked down at her.
‘Is what true, sweetheart?’
‘That if you pull a face and wind blows, you’ll get stuck.’
I swallowed my laughter. ‘No, Holly. Aunty Esther was just teasing.’
‘Oh. That’s a shame because it would have been a really good trick to play on someone at school.’
‘I guess it would.’ I grinned.
‘But it would be a bit mean, Holly.’ Sam peered around the tree. He had released the bonds and the branches were uncurling slowly like a cat stretching its limbs.
Holly shrugged. ‘Can I go find Jack now?’
‘Yes go on, but I expect you to help us to decorate the tree when it’s ready.’
‘Of course, Daddy.’ Holly flashed us a cute smile before skipping into the drawing room.
‘So where do you think this will look best?’ Sam asked me and I felt the sudden weight of responsibility. What if I got it wrong? In my own world, away from Esther’s iron will, I was in charge. I made grown-up decisions every day about my business, what to wear, how to have my hair and what to have for dinner. But whenever I was around Esther, she was usually so domineering that I silently conceded to her; it was just easier than facing more of those awful battles that we’d gone through when I was a teenager. How I’d loathed those times. But I’d been stubborn and persistent. I’d often wondered if that was why I’d been so careless about contraception. Was it a secret rebellion, a way of showing her that I could do whatever I chose to do with my own body? She’d always insisted that you had to be married before you had children. Had I, deep down, without being fully aware of it, decided to show her that I could get pregnant if I wanted to? Had it been rooted in my need to show her that I was all grown up at twenty-two or had it really just been a missed pill?
Strange then, that my mother had allowed me to take charge now, to make an important decision like where to put the tree. This could affect everyone’s enjoyment of Christmas. This could make or break Christmas! To be honest, I’d expected her to bring a fibre optic tree and to see the manor house already decorated when I got here, but for some reason she hadn’t and it hadn’t been. Was she becoming more laid back or was she losing her grip a little as the menopause left its mark? I’d heard that the latter could happen but it was the type of thing that Esther would never discuss with me. I mean, Karl had given me ‘the talk’ about periods and boys. From a few different perspectives, which had been strange but very informative. I’d known far more about homosexuality and heterosexuality at fourteen than most of my friends. I’d like to think that my knowledge (that I shared readily with them) had helped some of them to grow up more open-minded. Love was love whatever form it came in.
‘Uh…what do you think?’ I stared at the tree and chewed my lip, hoping that Sam would help me out.
‘Oh no you don’t.’ He nudged me in the ribs with one hand whilst supporting the tree with another.
‘What do you mean?’ I raised my eyebrows and feigned innocence.
‘I mean, you wicked, conniving lady, that you’re not putting the blame
My mouth fell open. Had she just given us her approval? Really?
‘Katie, close your mouth or you’ll stay like that when the wind blows.’ Esther winked at me and I made an effort to press my lips together. Had the Ghost of Christmas Past been to visit my mother to make her change her wicked ways? Whatever next?
We walked through to the hallway and Sam set the tree down. It had already left a trail of pine needles in its wake and I made a mental note to find a dustpan and brush.
‘Is it true?’ Holly pulled on my hand so I looked down at her.
‘Is what true, sweetheart?’
‘That if you pull a face and wind blows, you’ll get stuck.’
I swallowed my laughter. ‘No, Holly. Aunty Esther was just teasing.’
‘Oh. That’s a shame because it would have been a really good trick to play on someone at school.’
‘I guess it would.’ I grinned.
‘But it would be a bit mean, Holly.’ Sam peered around the tree. He had released the bonds and the branches were uncurling slowly like a cat stretching its limbs.
Holly shrugged. ‘Can I go find Jack now?’
‘Yes go on, but I expect you to help us to decorate the tree when it’s ready.’
‘Of course, Daddy.’ Holly flashed us a cute smile before skipping into the drawing room.
‘So where do you think this will look best?’ Sam asked me and I felt the sudden weight of responsibility. What if I got it wrong? In my own world, away from Esther’s iron will, I was in charge. I made grown-up decisions every day about my business, what to wear, how to have my hair and what to have for dinner. But whenever I was around Esther, she was usually so domineering that I silently conceded to her; it was just easier than facing more of those awful battles that we’d gone through when I was a teenager. How I’d loathed those times. But I’d been stubborn and persistent. I’d often wondered if that was why I’d been so careless about contraception. Was it a secret rebellion, a way of showing her that I could do whatever I chose to do with my own body? She’d always insisted that you had to be married before you had children. Had I, deep down, without being fully aware of it, decided to show her that I could get pregnant if I wanted to? Had it been rooted in my need to show her that I was all grown up at twenty-two or had it really just been a missed pill?
Strange then, that my mother had allowed me to take charge now, to make an important decision like where to put the tree. This could affect everyone’s enjoyment of Christmas. This could make or break Christmas! To be honest, I’d expected her to bring a fibre optic tree and to see the manor house already decorated when I got here, but for some reason she hadn’t and it hadn’t been. Was she becoming more laid back or was she losing her grip a little as the menopause left its mark? I’d heard that the latter could happen but it was the type of thing that Esther would never discuss with me. I mean, Karl had given me ‘the talk’ about periods and boys. From a few different perspectives, which had been strange but very informative. I’d known far more about homosexuality and heterosexuality at fourteen than most of my friends. I’d like to think that my knowledge (that I shared readily with them) had helped some of them to grow up more open-minded. Love was love whatever form it came in.
‘Uh…what do you think?’ I stared at the tree and chewed my lip, hoping that Sam would help me out.
‘Oh no you don’t.’ He nudged me in the ribs with one hand whilst supporting the tree with another.
‘What do you mean?’ I raised my eyebrows and feigned innocence.
‘I mean, you wicked, conniving lady, that you’re not putting the blame
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