Why Me? by Neil Forsyth Page A

the best way they can. But, to answer your question, just approach your dad and say, ‘Dad, I need your advice on something that has been bothering me’, or something to that effect. I am sure he will listen.
    I hope I have been of some asistance to you Timmy now please tell your father Bob I have satisfi ed this.
    God bless you
    Michael
    ----------------
    From: Timmy Servant
    To: Michael Wong
    Subject: I have a girlfriend already!
    Hello Michael
    Thank you so much for the advice! Some of it was what my Dad calls gibberight about women. I have never had a girlfriend beforebut after you gave me that advice I went and told a girl at school that I love here and I want her to come to my house for tea. She is the ugliest girl at the school but like you have told me now she will be loyal to me
    Your wee Servant,
    Timmy Servant
    ----------------
    From: Michael Wong
    To: Timmy Servant
    Subject: Tell you father
    You are a kind person Timmy. Now you are bringing the man out in you now, by thinking like a wise man. Please tell your father to do the business now.
    ----------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Michael Wong
    Subject: Party Time
    Michael,
    Just had a message from Timmy to say he’s got himself a piece of skirt and he’s bringing her back to the house tonight. My God, Michael, I don’t know what you said but you have worked some magic here! Timmy has never had any skirt before. I’ve invited my pal Frank round, he usually makes fun of Timmy so it will be good for him to see my son with his first skirt and my wife is also absolutely delighted about this. I’m going to nip down to Maciocia’s chipper and pick up their special ‘My Son’s First Skirt’ battered sausage platter. 33 I’ve just finished preparing the house in celebration and took a photo for you.
    There’s lots of excitement round here at Bob’s Palace and it’s all thanks to you Michael, well done!
    34
    Bob
    ----------------
    From: Michael Wong
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: Contact Bank
    Mr. Bob
    i am so happy about the Grace of God to help me answer your son question. its my pleasure today that you all are all happy today at you home it is nice to hear that. I hope this special meal is success and I want to say your home is beautiful with the special design. So Bob i want to ask you if you have contact the bank today? Hope to read your mail
    God Bless You And Your Family.
    Thanks,
    Michael
    ----------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Michael Wong
    Subject: Total Humiliation
    Michael,
    I am going to try very hard here not to lose my temper with you but it will not be easy because you have stitched me up like a kipper and thrown away the key.
    Right, well let me begin with Timmy’s so-called skirt. FUCK ME. Michael, at first I thought it was one of his mates dressed up as a laugh. In fact, make that two of his mates. I wasn’t sure where the mouth was, things were that bad. She looked like a hungover Geoff Capes. Timmy’s mum started crying and ran off and my pal Frank had an absolute field day, saying things like ‘He’s hit the jackpot there, Bob’ and then kept cupping his ear and giving it ‘do we hear wedding bells?’ until I threw him out.
    Anyway, I asked his alleged skirt to leave (you should have seen her walk Michael, she moved like a docker) and sent Timmy to bed even though he kept whining that it was all ‘Michael’s idea’.
    You have caused huge embarrassment to my family, Michael. To my wife and Timmy and, far more importantly, to me. I asked you to give Timmy advice and the next thing you know he winds up with a bird that looks like Michael Heseltine.
    Why have you done this to me?
    Bob
    ----------------
    From: Michael Wong
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: Give him a chance
    Mr. Bob,
    I think you have to take it easy with your boy Timmy. You must be careful because I believe his choice of woman for life is for him. You can not choose everything for him in his life