When You Don't See Me by Timothy James Beck

he’s not losing weight.”
    â€œI once knew a girl who was anorexic,” Kendra said. We waited for more, but after a long pause, she said, “What do you think is wrong with him?”
    â€œNothing!” I exclaimed. “He’s fine.”
    â€œThank you, Dr. Dunhill,” Morgan said. “That was a brilliant diagnosis.”
    â€œHe always takes care of himself,” I said, thinking about when Roberto took me to see Mark. “He’s got a doctor.”
    â€œOh?” Morgan and Kendra both said.
    â€œMaybe he’s got Lou Ferrigno’s disease,” Kendra guessed.
    I snorted and Morgan said, “Yeah, that’s it. He’s going to get mad and turn into the Hulk. Lou Gehrig’s disease, you idiot.”
    â€œWhat is Lou Gehrig’s disease?” Kendra asked. I shrugged. Morgan looked at the floor. “I see. Anyway, we shouldn’t be talking about Roberto behind his back.”
    â€œThank you,” I pointedly said to her. “Besides, it’s not like Morgan really cares about Roberto. She’s probably just worried he’ll kick it and stiff her with the rent.”
    â€œI think he’s positive,” Morgan stated.
    Kendra and I were quiet and stared at Morgan as if she’d just announced that she was leaving to fill Mother Teresa’s vacant sandals.
    â€œBut he’s not gay,” Kendra said. She turned to me and asked, “Is he?”
    â€œYou don’t have to be gay to contract HIV, you ninny,” Morgan said.
    â€œI know that!”
    â€œHe’s not,” I said.
    â€œGay? Or positive?” Kendra asked.
    â€œNeither. Both,” I said, even though I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t want to think about either scenario. “You can be a real bitch, Morgan. Would it matter to you if he was positive? Or if I was?”
    â€œIt’s not like I’m wishing anything bad on him. People with HIV are still discriminated against. The world can be a sucky place. I’m concerned. That’s all.”
    I didn’t buy it.
    â€œDon’t you have to get back to work?” I asked. “Thanks for stopping by and spreading sunshine on our day.”
    Morgan shook her head and quietly left. As I finished my egg, Kendra said, “I don’t think he’s positive. Roberto looks fine to me. A little tired, maybe, but who isn’t? He’s still hot. He’s always flirting with me. I think it’s cute. Don’t you?”
    I wanted the conversation to end, so I just nodded and quietly washed my plate. Kendra turned to leave, then jumped back when the apartment door opened. Morgan stuck her head back in and said, “Hey. That’s my plate you’re using. You’d better…”
    Her tirade trailed away when I held up the dripping plate, then did my best to rub away the plate’s pattern with a dish towel. I grunted a few times to make it seem like I was using Herculean strength to make her plate shine. I asked, “Anything else I can do for you?”
    She ignored me and said to Kendra, “Come on. We’ll share a cab downtown.”
    Â 
    As the sun was setting, I sat outside on our fire escape with Roberto and told him about Morgan’s egg tirade. He laughed in all the right places and said, “Wasn’t it always eggs that dragons guarded in medieval times?”
    â€œI thought it was treasure.”
    â€œMaybe eggs are all she has left.”
    I disagreed. If Morgan left, our apartment would be empty again. She was the one with all the furniture, the appliances in the kitchen, the television and DVD player, and the good stereo in the living room. We used her things all the time, because we had nothing. I knew the main reason she annoyed me so much was that she seemed so in control of her life. I always felt like there was something inside me that was defective. Maybe the decision-making part of my brain. I was a factory reject. Any day