concert or a sung Mass, along with a couple of choristers who were singing different lines in Latin. The effect was soothing, the world continuing, the business of worship being perfected.
I moved quickly and with little footfall along the northern aisle of the church, its beauty as always inviting yet another discovery of its art, statuary, symbols, all candlelight and low electric lights, statues in their side-altars, marriage chapel, baptistry, to the Lady Chapel, my favorite. There I lighted somecandles, symbols of things religious and holy, the light of Presence, and pulled neatly folded flat bills from my wallet to stuff in the offering box. I sat and thought of Bredon, saying a prayer for his safe arrival and successful bargaining, remembering our parents, letting my mind empty of everything but the feeling of being in a holy place. I stayed an hour, my mind clearing, calmer. I realized that I was very, very hungry. The evening prayer service was short, and when it was over I began my return walk, cautious whenever I saw one of the many black cars that carried Rand and so many of the people we knew as they came here for plays and restaurants.
I stopped at a small convenience store that only stayed open this late because with summer, the many tourists made late hours worthwhile. Most delis and small food stores in commercial areas of the city specialized only in breakfast and lunch on weekdays, and did not open on weekends since there were no workers to patronize the stores. The mid-town area with theatres and hotels was different. Tourists might buy snacks, and hotel guests would stock up on munchies and snacks for their rooms. Many deli patrons were hotel guests wanting something light to eat that did not have the high hotel price tags attached. The counterman made up a sandwich for me, the inimitable New York hard roll holding thinly sliced cheeses and meats, lettuce for crunch, all wrapped in an envelope of heavy waxed paper. I took a can of seltzer from the refrigerator case and ate while I walked along Central Park West, sipping the seltzer through a straw poked into the tab hole. It felt wonderful to be eating and drinking at last.
My walking meal finished, I hailed a cab, carrying the food wrappers and soda can with me for recycling. I had the cab stop a block away from my building, and let myself in the back way, a quick wave to one of the janitors who thought all young people were sneaky-crazy but harmless, and so he ignored me.
The message light blinked on my phone. I knew the numbernow. “Please, Dray, please meet me. Tonight if you can, or tomorrow. I miss you. Please let’s talk.” Rand’s voice was courting me, yet angry. It was one thing to negotiate in a business deal, but I was sure he was used to getting the women he wanted. Rich men become more “beautiful,” the richer they get. If after Monday Rand felt ill-used, well, so did I, on Bredon’s behalf. The phone rang as I finished hearing the message. It was Rand again. I picked up, saying nothing.
“Dray, please say something.”
“Rand, hello. I just got back in. And I’m very tired,” and realized as I said it that it was true, despite all the sleep I’d had today. I think my anxiety over Bredon was draining my energy, and I had prayed so intensely for him in church, I had felt light-headed between emotion and hunger when I was done.
Amazingly, he understood. “You’re a sleepyhead, or so I’ve been told,” he said in a new voice. “So, get some rest. But I’ve been thinking about why you won’t see me. I have a thought that may change your mind.” And now Rand’s voice grew hard. “I want to talk to you about the deal with Bredon. Please see me.”
“Rand, if word goes out that you’ve pulled out of the deal with Bredon, and then people see us together, I’d be – and feel like – the world’s biggest traitor. I won’t do that.”
His voice was harder now. “Interestingly, I actually understand how you
I moved quickly and with little footfall along the northern aisle of the church, its beauty as always inviting yet another discovery of its art, statuary, symbols, all candlelight and low electric lights, statues in their side-altars, marriage chapel, baptistry, to the Lady Chapel, my favorite. There I lighted somecandles, symbols of things religious and holy, the light of Presence, and pulled neatly folded flat bills from my wallet to stuff in the offering box. I sat and thought of Bredon, saying a prayer for his safe arrival and successful bargaining, remembering our parents, letting my mind empty of everything but the feeling of being in a holy place. I stayed an hour, my mind clearing, calmer. I realized that I was very, very hungry. The evening prayer service was short, and when it was over I began my return walk, cautious whenever I saw one of the many black cars that carried Rand and so many of the people we knew as they came here for plays and restaurants.
I stopped at a small convenience store that only stayed open this late because with summer, the many tourists made late hours worthwhile. Most delis and small food stores in commercial areas of the city specialized only in breakfast and lunch on weekdays, and did not open on weekends since there were no workers to patronize the stores. The mid-town area with theatres and hotels was different. Tourists might buy snacks, and hotel guests would stock up on munchies and snacks for their rooms. Many deli patrons were hotel guests wanting something light to eat that did not have the high hotel price tags attached. The counterman made up a sandwich for me, the inimitable New York hard roll holding thinly sliced cheeses and meats, lettuce for crunch, all wrapped in an envelope of heavy waxed paper. I took a can of seltzer from the refrigerator case and ate while I walked along Central Park West, sipping the seltzer through a straw poked into the tab hole. It felt wonderful to be eating and drinking at last.
My walking meal finished, I hailed a cab, carrying the food wrappers and soda can with me for recycling. I had the cab stop a block away from my building, and let myself in the back way, a quick wave to one of the janitors who thought all young people were sneaky-crazy but harmless, and so he ignored me.
The message light blinked on my phone. I knew the numbernow. “Please, Dray, please meet me. Tonight if you can, or tomorrow. I miss you. Please let’s talk.” Rand’s voice was courting me, yet angry. It was one thing to negotiate in a business deal, but I was sure he was used to getting the women he wanted. Rich men become more “beautiful,” the richer they get. If after Monday Rand felt ill-used, well, so did I, on Bredon’s behalf. The phone rang as I finished hearing the message. It was Rand again. I picked up, saying nothing.
“Dray, please say something.”
“Rand, hello. I just got back in. And I’m very tired,” and realized as I said it that it was true, despite all the sleep I’d had today. I think my anxiety over Bredon was draining my energy, and I had prayed so intensely for him in church, I had felt light-headed between emotion and hunger when I was done.
Amazingly, he understood. “You’re a sleepyhead, or so I’ve been told,” he said in a new voice. “So, get some rest. But I’ve been thinking about why you won’t see me. I have a thought that may change your mind.” And now Rand’s voice grew hard. “I want to talk to you about the deal with Bredon. Please see me.”
“Rand, if word goes out that you’ve pulled out of the deal with Bredon, and then people see us together, I’d be – and feel like – the world’s biggest traitor. I won’t do that.”
His voice was harder now. “Interestingly, I actually understand how you
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