with Alex even though she was in another country.
I liked Dani, liked her a lot. My life had simply changed such that there was very little bonding us together.
Kayla and I filled her in on our lives, college, Kayla and Brad ("Oh my fuck, love, that is sooooo incredible!"), that I was going to stay with Conall and thanks for holding my job as a waitress but I'm actually not going to need it anymore and she'd known that anyway so it was no problem. She filled us in on a wide array of sexual positions she'd tried with our ex Manager Troy and Kayla went into excruciating detail on whether you should suck, bob, or lick.
I mostly just kept my face covered and hoped the geriatric club was also hard of hearing.
Three hours and many red faces later, we parted ways.
Kayla and I walked a few streets and caught some sun. Unlike London, Seaford actually had some. It was really warm and I felt my skin and muscles relaxing. When we made it to my street I saw the low wall that Dorian Brant and I had sat on all those months back. The one edging the beach. The one where I'd let him touch me.
I found myself nervously looking around for him, making sure I didn't run into him. What a mistake that had been. Low point.
Kayla and I said hi to my landlady. She thanked me for keeping up the rent and soon we had my very few possessions in a suitcase and sat outside on the sidewalk wondering what to do.
"As much as I like the sun, it's a little different being here than I'd expected," I said to Kayla.
"No shit. It's like our life is in London. I mean, taken root there." She scratched the shaved side of her head. "You booked a hotel, right?"
I nodded.
"Six days?"
I nodded again.
"All paid?"
I shook my head. "Paid the first night, said I'd pay the rest later."
"Can still cancel?"
Nod.
"If we leave now we'll make it just before dark."
I looked over at the wall, heard the ocean. Felt it pulling me out to sea with it. I breathed in the salty air one more time. It was nice here. But it wasn't home. It had been once, yes. But not anymore. I could see that now. "Let's go."
-2-
I took the initiative and called Alex from the train, invited her to spend the night at our place. Sorry, not 'our' place, Conall's place. Although I'd started referring to it as 'our' place and 'my' place in my mind many times already. Because it felt like it.
Alex was ecstatic but I caught the quiver of loss in her voice. "I'm here with Trey now," she said. "At the airport."
"Well, we'll be home in like three hours or something."
All counted, it was seven P.M. when the three of us were finally together in Conall's lounge. We'd decided to have a girls' night of getting drunk and talking about our woes and loves lost and found. I didn't get drunk. I just can't handle booze, but I got 'happy.'
We'd forced Kayla to stay in the main house with us tonight even though Brad was home in the cottage "because it's a girls' night out!"
She acquiesced.
Alex started, wine in hand. "Actually, it wasn't bad. Pedro was a deity in the bedroom. The man has so much freaking stamina." She poured Kayla and me another drink as she spoke. "And, I confess, it was nice to get laid again. It was a blast. It was bloody brilliant actually."
"Hear, hear!" cried Kayla, raising her glass and almost spilling her drink.
My glass was paused mid-air. "Yes, I know the question, Leora. Why leave? Well, it was good for me. To be with someone, to feel that comfort, those nights by the fire. But there was no...how should I say?... connection . It just wasn't what I wanted. I...I want to be here. I want to move on with my life. Not fucking run away from it! If I'd stayed in Zermatt it would be a lie, living like a fake Heidi in the mountains. Your problems don't run away. And you're the one piece of baggage you can never get rid of. Pedro and I parted as friends. He's cool. I think there was no real spark for him either. We'll keep in touch, or not. Who knows. But now I'm back. Ready to take the bull
I liked Dani, liked her a lot. My life had simply changed such that there was very little bonding us together.
Kayla and I filled her in on our lives, college, Kayla and Brad ("Oh my fuck, love, that is sooooo incredible!"), that I was going to stay with Conall and thanks for holding my job as a waitress but I'm actually not going to need it anymore and she'd known that anyway so it was no problem. She filled us in on a wide array of sexual positions she'd tried with our ex Manager Troy and Kayla went into excruciating detail on whether you should suck, bob, or lick.
I mostly just kept my face covered and hoped the geriatric club was also hard of hearing.
Three hours and many red faces later, we parted ways.
Kayla and I walked a few streets and caught some sun. Unlike London, Seaford actually had some. It was really warm and I felt my skin and muscles relaxing. When we made it to my street I saw the low wall that Dorian Brant and I had sat on all those months back. The one edging the beach. The one where I'd let him touch me.
I found myself nervously looking around for him, making sure I didn't run into him. What a mistake that had been. Low point.
Kayla and I said hi to my landlady. She thanked me for keeping up the rent and soon we had my very few possessions in a suitcase and sat outside on the sidewalk wondering what to do.
"As much as I like the sun, it's a little different being here than I'd expected," I said to Kayla.
"No shit. It's like our life is in London. I mean, taken root there." She scratched the shaved side of her head. "You booked a hotel, right?"
I nodded.
"Six days?"
I nodded again.
"All paid?"
I shook my head. "Paid the first night, said I'd pay the rest later."
"Can still cancel?"
Nod.
"If we leave now we'll make it just before dark."
I looked over at the wall, heard the ocean. Felt it pulling me out to sea with it. I breathed in the salty air one more time. It was nice here. But it wasn't home. It had been once, yes. But not anymore. I could see that now. "Let's go."
-2-
I took the initiative and called Alex from the train, invited her to spend the night at our place. Sorry, not 'our' place, Conall's place. Although I'd started referring to it as 'our' place and 'my' place in my mind many times already. Because it felt like it.
Alex was ecstatic but I caught the quiver of loss in her voice. "I'm here with Trey now," she said. "At the airport."
"Well, we'll be home in like three hours or something."
All counted, it was seven P.M. when the three of us were finally together in Conall's lounge. We'd decided to have a girls' night of getting drunk and talking about our woes and loves lost and found. I didn't get drunk. I just can't handle booze, but I got 'happy.'
We'd forced Kayla to stay in the main house with us tonight even though Brad was home in the cottage "because it's a girls' night out!"
She acquiesced.
Alex started, wine in hand. "Actually, it wasn't bad. Pedro was a deity in the bedroom. The man has so much freaking stamina." She poured Kayla and me another drink as she spoke. "And, I confess, it was nice to get laid again. It was a blast. It was bloody brilliant actually."
"Hear, hear!" cried Kayla, raising her glass and almost spilling her drink.
My glass was paused mid-air. "Yes, I know the question, Leora. Why leave? Well, it was good for me. To be with someone, to feel that comfort, those nights by the fire. But there was no...how should I say?... connection . It just wasn't what I wanted. I...I want to be here. I want to move on with my life. Not fucking run away from it! If I'd stayed in Zermatt it would be a lie, living like a fake Heidi in the mountains. Your problems don't run away. And you're the one piece of baggage you can never get rid of. Pedro and I parted as friends. He's cool. I think there was no real spark for him either. We'll keep in touch, or not. Who knows. But now I'm back. Ready to take the bull
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